Young Writers Society

I love this. The general sense of panic you capture here is spectacular. This poem brings to mind another poem by John Keats called, "When I Have Fears That I May Cease To Be." Additionally, the rhyme scheme adds a lyrical feel to the poem, which makes it all the more haunting. I also love the fact that you chose not to edit it, so as to keep the integrity of the moment and mainframe in which you wrote it. That to me says a lot about the raw emotion of the poem. This is fantastic. Keep writing.

I can sense psychological feeling in this poem. I can pretty much relate to it because I went through that kind of stage. it was difficult, at start. But I kept pushing myself and think positive. Although my anxiety disorder still lingers in me; sometimes I can control it, sometimes I don't.

Now, going back, the poem is really good. The flow doesn't really need to matter, because I will always that "writing a poem is like an open message about your feelings." Meaning, you can write anything. It doesn't need to be in a flow, as least you are writing a story in poetry form.

As I said, the poem is good. Though you could put more on "strong" words. Words that aren't too common. Words that can attract the readers. Somehow, for me, this is straightforward and simple. I read a lot of straightforward poems though they use strong metaphorical words.

May I suggest?

"Something like this:

Those who think they know me,

Who think they understand,

To me, in my opinion

Their knowledge is quite bland."


Correction:

You can delete the "in my opinion"...it doesn't need to be there.


Another:

"They can’t comprehend it,

Couldn’t if they tried,

Only those who have it

Understand it makes you blind."


Correction:

Delete the "it" in the first line and last line. And try to rephrase the second line. So it would be like this.

"They can't comprehend
Though they tried
Only those who have it
Understand will make you blind"


So that is it

If you want to write more poems, try to read it for yourself and demonstrate the rhythm of the poem. The flow may not be there but at least you have the rhythm. If there are words that would ruin the rhythm, rewrite it or replace the word. So its like a song. There is flow, a rhythm, and a melody.

So that is all Hope to read more of your poems soon!

I really like this poem. It really portrays lots of emotion, and deep down feelings. I feel like the poem flows alright, although of course it could be better; everything could always be better. Anyway, I love the use of details, like how you used good descriptive words to show your feelings. I really think that this is the best piece of poetry that I have ever read.

The joy in the world it does pervert,

With this part I don't really understand what you are trying to say. Other then that I really liked it and I think you did a great job. I like the meaning behind it, Also for you to be able to write so well in such a state of mind is absolutly amazing. I loved the last bit it was very true in my opinion. I think you did a great job I would love to see more from you in the days to come.
Good luck on future posts I wish you the best and tag meh somehow when you post something new.

~~~~signed Taylor

Hi DamienCyfer, acm here for a review on your poem. Wow. That really captured the likeness of an anxiety- almost down to where I could feel your fear myself. I have sleep anxiety, so I could really connect with the panic and fear that the poem was about. I hope that it gets better for you and you can conquer your fear.

My memories are grey and dull
So I wish it could all revert.
I would face it if I could,
Embrace my fears as I should,
But to do so would be in itself
My greatest fear understood.

This is an amazing poem. While I personally do not experience this phobia, I was afraid of death when I was younger. The flow is pretty good and the meaning is deep. I can truly feel the raw anxiety you had at the time of writing this. If you continue to write poems as stimulating as this, I'll just have to check those out as well!

Hello there.
I think I do not know enough about the phobia to review this to the fullest but this poem truly made me fear of everything around me. I can not say I still know so much about it but this poem opened up my eyes for it a bit more. Even if you had written it during such a state, you had done a very good job doing it so as I see. Your smooth rhyme goes very well with the flow of this work and I have no complains connected with it.
It really makes the reader understand that even if we try to understand it, we can fully understand the real fears of it because we are in such a state as the people suffering from it at the very moment. I do not think that it stops the people from trying to understand it even if they can not but this is how we are. We try to have what we can not have and we try to understand what we are told we can not. I really did not expect the rhyme at all.
Good job and I think the breakdown did not ruin the poem at all.
Keep on writing.

Paragraphing seems to be broken. Every four lines is a break, four-line paragraphs.
(EDIT: Managed to show paragraphs now, fixed!)