Published May 27, 2007
Friendship
by Daenesh Kumar
Friendship,
The love of two people,
The care of two souls,
A bond so strong,
Only god can break,
With death of course
Friendship,
The past mixed with the future,
Hapiness mixed with sorrow,
The feeling of no worries,
Towards what tomorrow holds,
An exception or examption,
Nobody knows
Friendship,
A wonder so unbelievable,
Something so magical,
The taught of loneliness is unexceptable,
To the eyes of the brothers,
In this world of terror
Friendship,
The way to a peaceful world,
The dream of a terror free society,
The feeling of no fear in years to come,
The ability to sleep sound at night,
with criminals out of sight,
Knowing crime isn't right
Friendship,
Something that lasts,
Till the day all falls,
A true friendship will never stall,
Nor break,
The heart of the beholder,
Friendship always privails
THE END
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140,533 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
You really killed the poem by saying "friendship" so many times. Also I think you should work on punctuation. You put periods after every line except the last one in stanzas.
Good job anyway!
The repetition of "friendship" in this poem really killed it for me, and your punctuation was haywire. On another one of your poems I posted a link on that (punctuation) so yes, I highly suggest reading that.
This idea isn't original, and you have to be able to take it and make it original. Instead you just made a list of what friendship is, and left the reader feeling nothing. If you want to write about friendship, try to bring out the feelings it gives you, when you have it and when you loose it. The goals of a poem (IMHO) are to make the reader feel, think, or have some impression made on them by what was said.
This told me what I already knew about friendship, so it did nothing for me. If you cut the repetition, shortened it even, and dug deeper into the emotions behind the theme, this might come out better.
Bonne chance.