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E - Everyone

The Price is Right

by Cynical

Good old Nursery rhymes

That we forget with the times

Years of conditioning

Wittles away when you start thinking

By the Morals we abide

Those which others decide

In the power of words they rely

Masking every mistake with a lie

Never believe the spiel they spout

With the visage of a devout

For truth is a fickle thing

That changes at their bidding.

Who to say when the time is right

To start putting up a fight

But the World stops making sense

When pressure get too intense.

Is it all a test of time

Or who would make the most dime

Freedom comes with a price

But so does life. 

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100 Reviews

Points: 5531
Reviews: 100

Fri Dec 06, 2019 2:42 pm
WinnyWriter wrote a review...

Hey, there! This is a nice work you've posted. You follow your thought through the entirety pretty well without getting distracted and causing the reader to forget what the poem is about. I feel like your thoughts develop and become stronger as the poem progresses, which creates a nice climax to your concept.

I noticed the lines:
"For truth is a fickle thing

That changes at their bidding"

You've done well with showing how some people think truth can just be bent and changed at their whims.

Now, just to offer some crititiques:

"With the visage of a devout"

This line sounds a little odd. I don't know why, but it just feels clunky and incomplete, like, I didn't feel like it flowed quite as well.

Also, the following lines:
"Is it all a test of time

Or who would make the most dime"

When I reread it a couple times, I found that it sounded better, but at first it just didn't exactly make sense. Like, I get the idea, but it's also kind of wonky, maybe??? Perhaps that is just me, though, so don't fret too hard over that one spot. Just something I noticed.

Well, that's all for now. Keep using your talent to write beautiful works!

User avatar
105 Reviews

Points: 2247
Reviews: 105

Thu Dec 05, 2019 1:10 pm
LZPianoGirl wrote a review...

I loved the movie "Dead Poet's Society" and I could tell this was the result of it. The last two lines: "Freedom comes with a price, But so does life." really stood out to me. Maybe because it was the last lines or because the fact freedom really isn't free. There are many other lines that really stood out to me, especially the first 4ish lines. They were really well written and the grammar, punctuation, and spelling was perfect. Keep on writing and Merry (early) Christmas!

It's been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable.
— Mr Collins, Pride and Prejudice