Good old Nursery rhymes
That we forget with the times
Years of conditioning
Wittles away when you start thinking
By the Morals we abide
Those which others decide
In the power of words they rely
Masking every mistake with a lie
Never believe the spiel they spout
With the visage of a devout
For truth is a fickle thing
That changes at their bidding.
Who to say when the time is right
To start putting up a fight
But the World stops making sense
When pressure get too intense.
Is it all a test of time
Or who would make the most dime
Freedom comes with a price
But so does life.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,299 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
Hey, there! This is a nice work you've posted. You follow your thought through the entirety pretty well without getting distracted and causing the reader to forget what the poem is about. I feel like your thoughts develop and become stronger as the poem progresses, which creates a nice climax to your concept.
I noticed the lines:
"For truth is a fickle thing
That changes at their bidding"
You've done well with showing how some people think truth can just be bent and changed at their whims.
Now, just to offer some crititiques:
"With the visage of a devout"
This line sounds a little odd. I don't know why, but it just feels clunky and incomplete, like, I didn't feel like it flowed quite as well.
Also, the following lines:
"Is it all a test of time
Or who would make the most dime"
When I reread it a couple times, I found that it sounded better, but at first it just didn't exactly make sense. Like, I get the idea, but it's also kind of wonky, maybe??? Perhaps that is just me, though, so don't fret too hard over that one spot. Just something I noticed.
Well, that's all for now. Keep using your talent to write beautiful works!
I loved the movie "Dead Poet's Society" and I could tell this was the result of it. The last two lines: "Freedom comes with a price, But so does life." really stood out to me. Maybe because it was the last lines or because the fact freedom really isn't free. There are many other lines that really stood out to me, especially the first 4ish lines. They were really well written and the grammar, punctuation, and spelling was perfect. Keep on writing and Merry (early) Christmas!