Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
Prologue
Kaden
I can do this. I can make it to the end this time. I want to be at this party. I repeat these words to myself like I would a prayer, a mantra or some other kind of bullshit to keep myself together. I promised myself I’d get through this party and not bail half through like I did the others. I didn't always feel like a piece of shit. Heck a year ago this would've definitely been my scene; the booze, the dancing, all the girls clamoring for my attention, and the respect from my peers. I would have soaked it all up. Now… I don’t give a fuck.
It’s been a whole year now since the accident. I feel like it was only yesterday, but it’s not. If I could take it all back I would. I’d do everything differently. I know it’s too late for that and nothing will ever change the mistakes I made, but if I could have back that moment where my life changed I’d take it without a second thought. The only person I cared for was gone. The person I loved more than myself. Sophia. I know it’s crazy to think this or say this, but I see her and feel her all around me. When I’m awake, or when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep. In my dreams she’s more alive than ever. This is what’s killing me, making me not function. I still see my dead girlfriend and I talk to her! How fucked up am I?
Even right now at Zane’s party she’s here, dancing as if nothing were wrong. I’m losing it. I know that’s it. You don’t survive death and come unscathed. But… Jesus Christ, if I’m honest I rather see her than not have her around. Even if I can’t touch her, or be with her. I don’t care. I’ll take whatever I can get.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...looks like someone psyching themselves up for a party there, certainly interesting to see how it appears this person has been feeling so down that they are unlike themselves from a year ago. It seems to hint at something bad having potentially happened to them here and well...things are off to quite a start here with that bit of news.
Well, there was certainly a lot of information there about what happened. It appears something properly horrific did in fact happen to this person and well...that would certainly help explain all the issues they are dealing with at the moment, and from the way things are written here, you really do get a sense of how devastating that accident and losing this person has been here, and they certainly don't seem to have managed to process it too well or moved past it at all. Well, this definitely shows the state that our protagonist is in here and it doesn't appear to be very good here. You can certainly see that this person cared for her deeply here.
Okayy...well it looks like the party itself is being made a little painful by that appearance, and well, its an interesting philosophy there to end on, it looks like this one has almost given up on being able to move past the experience and would rather live with whatever these hallucinations are here...that's definitely an interesting decision here. This was certainly quite a prologue here...I think I potentially would actually read on from here to find out what happens.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Well, interesting.
I like the premise of this story... Where it's going I should say. It's done pretty well, I actually make a connection with the character. Not only that but I also do want to read more. I apologize for a short review, but currently I have a lack of sleep...
But really, I do like it.
Hello GrinningMan!:) Thanks fro reading and commenting on my prologue! I'm glad you like it!^^
Hiya.
Okay, so this is actually really good!
I think what I loved the most about this whole thing was that it was short, concise and caught my attention from the very beginning. The best thing is that air of ambiguity you've woven through the whole piece; it makes me more curious about what happened, how it happened and most importantly, what next? And this 'what next' element is, I believe, the most important quality that any piece should have. So Thumbs Up for that.
I couldn't really find anything to correct in it except the thing with the last line which has already been mentioned by LoseControl. You really should give it thought.
Desperately waiting to read more of this!
Harshita
Hey Harshita!
Thank you for reading my prologue. I'm glad you liked it! I will continue writing for after you, if you're interested in reading more I will pm you when the next chapter is up!^^
I'm definitely interested! Do PM me.. And in case I don't give you a review soon, don't mind.. I'm not very active, although I try.. But I've just started college...and it's absolutely CRAZY here!
But do let me know.. I'll be waiting!
Harshita
That almost made me cry. It is beautifully written. The words are pieced together wonderfully and seemingly effortlessly, the raw emotion, the confusion, the regret just spilled out over the page. Kudos for not censoring, by the way!
There are only a couple of things I noticed that I might change. I feel like you might not want to name her in this passage. Or, since you did name her, say her name more than once. I just think that it might help the readers since they don't really know who she is. Ending the paragraph with her name instead of having it in the middle might increase the impact, as well. The last thing I want to mention is that the last sentence would probably work better as two sentences, "I don't care. I'll take whatever I can get."
Great work!
Hello there LoseControl! Thank you for reading my piece and for the advice. I will take note of it!;)