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Leave But Never Return

by Cybers

"Don't you sometimes wish time travel was real?" Wally asked his brother Joshua. "I mean, think about it. If we could go back in time, we wouldn't have to do history! And if we went to the future we could bring back some awesome technology. Or find out a lot about life!" Wally got very excited at this thought. "Did i hear someone say they wanted to time travel?" asked Wally's dad. "Can you time travel?!?" Wally asked his dad jumping up and down. "You bet I can champ. Come over to my time machine here." He pulled Wally over to a painted card board box. "Dad this is just a card board box." Wally whined. "Fine. But i know a guy i can take you to that knows how to time travel. Do want to come?" "Yes dad i do!!!" So the got in the car and drove off. When they got to an antique shop they got out. "Hey Mr. Doloris, My boy wanted to know if he time travel a little into the future and be back for supper?" Wally's dad asked. "Oh. Im afraid not. You see, a living being can only travel through time once, and im afraid its a one way trip." said the man who ran the store. "Sport, are you shore you want to do this?" Wally's dad asked. This was a point in life where kids got to do what they wanted. "Dad, ill miss everyone but this is my dream. Ill write and send them through time and video chat with you." So with that he followed Mr. Doloris to the back of the store. "Walk through this door and into the future 100 years." Holding his breath, he walked through the door way...

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277 Reviews

Points: 3002
Reviews: 277

Mon Aug 19, 2019 12:14 am
Horisun wrote a review...

What's that? On the Horisun? It's a... It's a... Review incoming!
Alright, so, this has a very interesting premise. It feels like a kids daydream, more than anything else, which I'm not sure if that's what you're going for. I also think the kid is adorable. But there are a few things I want to point out.
First of all, I don't think Wallys brother says a word this entire time, which I find strange.
Second, a lot of the i's are not capitalized. Which they should be.
Third, this might be up for debate, but I don't think you need three exclamation points.
Another thing, it might flow a bit better if you cut "So" out, but that's up to you.
Lastly, a few lines are a little repetitive, reread them, and you'll notice it. Just play with the word choice a bit, and that should help.
Other than that, I really liked this, it was fun, and silly, and I'll be sure to read the next chapter!

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25 Reviews

Points: 94
Reviews: 25

Tue Aug 06, 2019 12:59 am
DottieSnark wrote a review...

You have a really interesting premise, and I know this is just the start of your idea, but if you flesh this out it could be really something. One thing you need to worry about is format. Reading a wall of text with no paragraph breaks can be very confusing and will make it hard for you readers to follow along. Each new line of dialogue should start its own paragraph.

I really like the idea you have, though. A kid traveling to the future is awesome! I want to see his adventures. I also really like that it's a one-way trip. However, I think you should concentrate on that a little more. It seemed unrealistic that Wally's father would be so okay with him taking a one-way trip to the future. And think you should concentrate on the idea of Wally never being able to return, to never see his friends and family again.

Anyway, this was an interesting idea. I hope to see more soon. However, you shouldn't wait for approval to write something. if you have an idea just go for it. You don't need anyone's permission.

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21 Reviews

Points: 19
Reviews: 21

Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:48 pm
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Zrillis wrote a review...

This is very intersted but im failing to find a point. If there is more to this story then I have not read it yet. From this alone I am confused and left dissatisfied at that ending. Its very interesting as I've said but has not ending or even a true cliff hanger its a dead stop.

Your style draws me in but you have some spelling mistakes in there. Overall Keep it up but add an ending (if there is more like i said im sorry i havent seen it)

Cybers says...

i sadly disagree i am to write more if i was to get likes. I did this just for everyone to have a taste. If it will make you happy i will write more chapters.

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Points: 0
Reviews: 3

Mon Aug 05, 2019 10:42 pm
Cybers says...

Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
— Shinji Moon