Published July 10, 2008
Life
People ignore the small in things life,
and only look for the big.
Everyone only wants glamour
and beauty making everything just the same.
The sweet things people crave for,
include attention and fame,
when instead you can be sitting down thinking of things so great.
Birds chirping goes on,
high above trees,
and yet we sit on a couch
and turn the volume up on a T.V.
“Where’s the beauty in life?” people shout
“what’s the meaning of life?” children cry
I sit and sit on my swing dangling my feet
thinking the same questions.
Yet I look up at the star studded sky
or the wonderful white clouds that float by
and remember as I smile.
A honeybee buzzes by as it returns to its hive,
I come in the house and I pour some honey on my own delights,
and then I remember…
Everything has a meaning
and it’s the small things that I mean,
from as big as an elephant to as small as an ant
carrying heavy things.
Everything is beautiful,
yet the media says no,
well I say yes
look around as it will always show.
People hide from the truth
that everything is beautiful,
every single living creature,
and no matter how bad you sing,
just sing aloud
and be oh so proud as the voice you show,
goes around and flows
and gives out your love and dreams…
That is what is beautiful.
That is life.
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sapphire took most of the quotes, examples, etc. that i was thinking of using. so, in order to avoid being unconditionally redundant,
let me just say that i really enjoyed this poem. its smooth and soft, but at the same time, strong.
it flowed beautifully and was just awesome.
excellent work!
-GC10
i really liked this.
it was powerful, elegant, and poetic.
i don't really have time to critique it right now, but, when i do, i'm coming back.
great job.
Hi, and welcome to YWS!
Please don't think I'm being patronising, but I have to say that for being 13, you have some great insights into some complex issues.
I've quoted the whole poem so I can make some comments, suggestions or pose questions that will hopefully help you to make it better.
Also, I'm not sure the physical structure of the poem really adds to the meaning, although I quite liked the two sentences at the end being off to the right.
OK, these are some serious generalisations to begin with! I don't think it's a good idea to say 'Everyone only wants' such and such because it could offend some readers. I personally wasn't, but it's something to think about.
I think instead of saying 'things so great', you could give examples. What should people be thinking about instead? What are the contrasts with wanting 'attention and fame'?
I loved this image, but I think you could work on the rhythm of it. How about something simple like:
Birds chirp cheerfully (or some other word/phrase that's a bit stronger than 'goes on')
high above the trees,
yet we just turn the volume up
on our TV.
That example's not great, but you get the idea. If you read the poem aloud, you'll see where the rhythm and rhyme aren't working together.
I took out the speech marks and people who were asking the questions because I think they're more effective on their own. But that's just a suggestion.
This 'remember' in that last line links with the verse after the next, so I think you could probably take it out because, as a reader, I thought, 'What does she remember?' So you could say:
Yet I look up at the star-studded sky
or the wonderful white clouds that float by
and I smile.
It took me a couple of reads, but I like the message in that last stanza. Perhaps you could rephrase the line 'yet the media says no' to something like 'yet the media says that's not so/that's not true'.
Everything is beautiful,
yet the media says that's not so.
Well, I say look around you
because it will always show.
Then again, the rhyme isn't entirely necessary. Don't force the rhymes if you're having trouble with them, but think of ways that you can reword what you want to say.
Perhaps you could link this with the birds that sing 'high above the trees'?
I love the last two lines, but I think those three before confuse your idea. Put rhyming out of your head for a second, and think about what your final message really is. What is it that is beautiful? You have people singing aloud - is it beautiful because they're being themselves? Or because they're not being materialistic? Then, when you know, see if the idea can be expressed using words that rhyme.
Well, that's enough from me!