z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Cave - Chapter III - Wizard of Oz Vibes

by JuliasSneezer


     Julia stood on some sort of ledge overlooking a chamber in the cave, so wide that you couldn’t see the rock. The ceiling was at least higher up than the peak of the empire state building, and was made of some sort of clear material. Somehow, though Julia knew they were deep underground, the sun shone through it, in the middle of a brilliant powder blue sky.

     Far down below it, was an entire shining kingdom. The lowliest of huts were made of several kinds of minerals at a time, while the richest were entirely made of the most precious stones. The roads were paved with disks of diamond pressed into gold. On it, people and carriages bustled around busily. The main attraction, however, was a castle carved out of eight purple quartz crystals growing upward.

      Luke pulled Oliver and Julia out of the narrow passage and took a deep breath. Julia felt a pang of guilt when she remembered that he was claustrophobic. “Anyone else getting some Wizard of Oz vibes from this?” Luke finally asked after a full minute of open-mouthed gawking. 

      “We have to go down there.” Julia decided.

       "Come again?" Oliver asked.

      Julia looked toward Oliver and shifted her weight. It was difficult carrying a friend that was almost two feet taller than you. “We have to get down there.”

      Lee turned around. “Why?”

      “We’re carrying dead weight.” Luke explained conversationally. “Maybe there’s someone down there who can help.”

      “Exactly.” Julia said, nodding.

      “Hey!” Oliver glared at Luke.

      Luke tried to shrug.

      “I can walk,” Oliver decided.

      “I didn’t say you couldn’t,”

      “Watch.” Oliver stated. He gingerly applied weight on his toes. He slowly eased weight onto his foot. He put a bit of weight onto his heel, and winced. He then put the rest of the weight on his heel, and exhaled sharply. He lifted it, and tried to do it again in a step forward.

      Luke lifted Oliver’s arm back over his shoulder. “I can’t let you do that, come on.”

      “Well I could,” Oliver repeated stubbornly.

      “Yes you could.” Lee agreed. “How do we get down there?”

      Oliver shrugged. “Look around. There has to be some sort of way off here if there was a door into this place.”

      Lee walked around the perimeter of the ledge, paling as she looked down. She made it all the way to the right against the wall of the chamber. “Guys, there are stairs.”

     Julia and Luke helped Oliver over to the stairs.

      “Well, ladies first?” Luke asked, looking past Oliver. The stairs were roughly hewn from stone. They were only two feet long, uneven, and damp. If it weren’t the only way down, Julia wouldn’t consider going down them for even a second.

      “How are we even going to get down there?” Oliver asked.

      Julia shuffled forward, turning Oliver sideways facing the kingdom. “Like this.”

      Luke sighed. “Well, that’s a way,”

      “Is there even another?” Lee asked, leading them down the steps as she pressed her right hand to the wall.

      “Yeah, tumbling off the edge.” Luke gave a weak laugh.

      Lee shot him a dry look over her shoulder.

      Julia’s right leg felt like warm taffy by the time they were halfway down. They must have been climbing for three or four minutes. The stairs made a left turn as they descended, and finally reached the bottom.

      “Glad that’s over,” Oliver sighed.

      “Why? You didn’t do anything.” Luke said, handing Oliver off to Lee.

      “You try going down so many stairs with only one leg. Tell me how it goes.” Oliver argued.

      “Come on guys, we have to focus.” Julia reminded them. “This is a crude splint at best. Who knows how long it will work? Oliver, how’s it going?”

      “You want me to be honest?” Oliver asked.

      “Yes.”

      Oliver hopped forward. “I lost the feeling in my toes going down the stairs.”

      “Don’t worry, Oliver. We’re getting close to the town. There’s sure to be a doctor somewhere around here.” Lee assured.

      Luke led them ahead to the edge of town. “Let’s stop here. Oliver could use a rest.”

      “And we need disguises.” Lee added.

      “Disguises?”

      “Yeah. Constant vigilance, there’s a chance that these people aren’t friendly. Plus, I’m sure that Luke’s neon orange shoes would raise a few eyebrows.” Lee explained.

      “Yeah, okay.” Oliver said distractedly. Julia could practically see the gears turning in his head. “You guys can prop me against the nearest hut. After that, Lee can stand guard here. Luke, Julia, you two can go off and find disguises.”

      “Why am I standing guard?” Lee complained.

      “Please.” Oliver said. “Do I really have to tell you?”

      Lee crossed her arms. “Yes.”

      “You’re here because out of the four of us, you’re the toughest. The one who could fight the best.”

      “Are you kidding? Check out these moves.” Luke struck some sort of crouching ninja pose.

      “Just set me down, please.” Oliver said with a small smile. Julia and Lee leaned him against a hut. It had several colors of minerals pressed haphazardly in mud like they were as valuable as rocks. “Okay. Be back in twenty minutes.”

      “Yes mom,” Luke said, turning around and edging around the edge of the circular hut. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do.” He whispered to Julia. “We’ll split up. I go through the middle looking for a pair of shoes for each of us, and you circle around for anything else. I then will cross through to the other side. Then we –”

      “Or,” Julia interrupted. “We can both stay together and stick to the outside so we won’t be seen.” She stepped forward cautiously. People milled about in some sort of village square, dressed in some sort of steampunk slash medieval style of clothing.

      Luke shrugged and followed her. “Or that,”

      Julia sighed. There was a stained wooden fence that rose above her head. She couldn’t see past it into the yard. She stood on her tip toes. She could hardly see at all.

      “Problem?” Luke asked amusedly.

      Julia shot him a look over her shoulder. She had been shorter than all her friends as long as she could remember. Luke had always teased her good naturedly about it, but for Julia, now wasn’t the time to deal with it. “What’s in there?”

      Luke stood on his toes and frowned. “Grass – well, not really. More like tiny orange ferns. Then there’s a tree, but who knows how to describe that? And there’s um, a clothesline.”

      “What’s on it?”

      Luke smiled back at her teasingly. “Well look and see!”

      “Alright,” Julia jumped onto Luke’s back, almost knocking him down. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Their heads were level now. “How’s that?”

      “Could you loosen your grip?”

      Julia loosened her arms and looked over the top of the fence. The ground was carpeted in small orange ferns as Luke had so artfully described. There was a small flower bed hugging the house. Planted in it, were assorted glowing flowers. The largest bud was wrapped around itself. It opened, letting loose dozens of small moths which fluttered through the air. The bud wrapped its petals again and closed.

      Closer to the other side of the fence, was a very thin tree. It was about twice as tall as Luke, and the trunk was less than half the width. The trunk looked more like a ghostly white stem, erupting into sharp neon blue needles at the top. Pink pear-like fruits swung down on purple spiraled vines. Tied to a hook in the house, was a thin line of twine. The other side was wrapped around a branch of the tree. Several articles of clothing hung on the twine, including a large itchy brown cloak which seemed to be the appropriate size for Oliver.

      “That’s all that you could say? Orange ferns and a tree?” Julia asked.

      Luke grunted. “What did you want me to say?”

      Julia jumped down and shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. How do we get in?”

      “I don’t know, the gate?” Luke pointed over to his right, where three black hinges could be seen.

      Julia smacked his arm, and opened the gate. She checked the windows in the cottage. No one appeared to be home. She waved Luke over.

      “Okay. I’ll grab the stuff.” Luke decided.

      “Why you?”

      Luke reached up and swung the cloak off of the twine. “Because I’m taller.”

     Julia rolled her eyes. She checked beside the door. She found a pair of boots and frowned. They were ginourmous. She didn’t even know that people could have feet that big. She stood, smirked, and carried them to Luke. “Here you go,”

      “What is that, some sort of tote bag? Is it some ridiculous modern fashion?” Luke asked, looking at the boot critically.

      “No, it’s your footwear.” Julia grinned, and handed them to Luke.

      “Nope, pretty sure these belong to bigfoot.”

      Julia turned around. “Nope, they’re yours.”

      Luke sighed and pulled on the boots. “How do I look?”

      “A bit like a cartoon character.” Julia admitted. “But that doesn’t matter. Get dressed.”

      “The heck is this?” Luke asked, pulling a waistcoat off of the twine.

      Julia frowned. “I have no earthly clue.”

      “I’d guess I’ll just put on the cloak thing then.” Luke threw the waistcoat back on the twine, and pulled a cloak over his head. It showed a bit of his ankle, but as he fastened it he began to look like the steampunk slash medieval fashion villagers.

      Julia nodded approvingly. “Good. Now let’s keep going.” They slunk out of the yard just as the   flower bud opened and released more small moths. The two kept mostly to the huts, stopping to scrounge random clothing articles. They snuck back to Lee and Oliver, who appeared to be having a heated argument.

      Oliver threw his hands in the air. “That’s not how you –”

      “There you go again, telling people what to do,” Lee said calmly, though she was clearly agitated.

      “I am not telling you what to do!” Oliver protested. “You just can’t –”

      “Don’t tell me what I can, and cannot do, Oliver!” Lee said, now crossing her arms.

      Julia quickly stepped between them to intervene. “Guys, what happened?!”

      Oliver looked toward Lee, who quickly averted her gaze. “You tell them.”

      “I –”

      “Oliver pronounces ‘egg’ wrong!” Lee interrupted.

      Luke frowned and carelessly dropped the clothing. “What?"

      “She says that I pronounce the word ‘egg’ so it sounds like there’s an ‘a’ instead of an ‘e’.” Oliver rolled his eyes.

      “And you do.” Lee said stubbornly.

      “You just like arguing, don’t you?” Oliver asked irritably.

      “Oh, and you don’t?” Lee challenged, facing him again.

      “No, I don’t. You just –”

      Luke sighed. “Give it a rest! You two are bickering like some old married couple. It’s making me sick.”

      Lee uncrossed her arms and approached the heap of clothing, still frowning. “Which is mine?”

     “Take your pick.” Julia answered.

      Minutes later, and they were all dressed. Julia was in a fancy blue dress, Oliver and Lee both clad in long cloaks, and Luke with a tailcoat buttoned over his clothing.

      “Good. We’re all finished. Now where do we go?” Luke asked.

      “I know,” Lee said. “We go around and find a doctor. Then we ask someone for directions out of here. Sounds like a plan?” Lee asked, looking at Oliver.

      "We probably won't find a doctor around here," Oliver said.

"Yeah, but if we do..." Lee decided.

"Sounds like a plan." Oliver agreed.

      Lee gave a small smile. “Get over here, we have to go.” Lee burrowed herself underneath Oliver’s right arm, Julia under his left, and they made their way into the village.

      The four were in what looked like a town square. In the middle was a large lake looking hole filled with clear water. Three or four feet below the surface, assorted glowing water plants waved around lazily. The lake was attached to a river that snaked its way through the village. Booths sat around the lake, selling goods like foods and clothing. The passerby looked down their noses at the four, sending them strange looks.

      “What’s up with them?” Luke asked.

      “We’re keeping our friend standing?” Julia suggested.

      “We’re not wearing hats.” Oliver explained.

      Lee looked around, and glared right back at an older couple. “Come again?”

      “Perhaps it’s a fashion trend, but everyone here is wearing hats.” Oliver stated.

      Now that Julia looked around, she began to notice a hat capping the head of everyone out in the square. “Strange,”

      Over to their right, was a stand covered in jars and bowls. On every surface, glass jars were crowded against one another. Small bowls filled with foreign objects were nailed to wooden posts holding up a roof. Wood was crossing each other, making ‘X’s through the entire thing. To every inch of wood, twine and ropes held up dried gourds. A batty looking old man was waving them over from behind the counter.

      Julia alerted the others, and they inched forward to the counter.

      “Ah, customers! What seems to be the problem?” The man asked conversationally. He had wispy clouds of white hair over his ears, and a small one right on top of his head. He was wearing a grubby striped apron. His back was stooped, probably to avoid hitting the gourds hanging only inches above his head. Julia frowned. Didn’t he wave them over here? Why was he referring to them as customers?

      “I’m afraid you’re mistaken, sir.” Oliver said. “We’re not customers.”

      “But of course you are!” The man protested. “You quite obviously have a damaged leg, and I am a doctor, you are in need of my services, so you’re a customer.”

      “You’re a doctor?” Luke asked skeptically.

      The old man clapped his hands in delight, apparently not hearing the doubt in Luke’s voice. “Absolutely! An herbalist would be more accurate, but yes.”

      “Can you fix broken bones?” Lee asked.

      “Most certainly. In minutes, in fact.” The old man replied.

      “Awesome!” Julia added. “We need you to fix Oliver’s.”

      “Is that the young man’s name?” The herbalist asked interestedly.

      Oliver shifted his weight uncomfortably. “Yes.”

      “Excellent. Let me see that leg.” The herbalist waddled around the edge of the booth, and kneeled on the ground to examine the leg. He frowned, and poked it several times in different places, much to Oliver’s protest. He nodded gravely. “I see. Very unfortunate.” He stood, and clapped his hand giddily. “Follow me!” With surprising speed, he shuffled away, leaving his booth unattended. Julia and Lee traded skeptical looks, then followed him.

***

Good day, guys! Sorry that this is a shorter chapter, but I just felt like this was a good point to end it at. As usual, comment, like it, share it! Thanks for the reads!


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Sun Jul 31, 2016 7:53 pm
Mageheart wrote a review...



Hi, Cupcakes! Mage here to do the promised review! So let's get to it, shall we?

I'm still hopelessly in love with this story, especially with the medieval/steampunk clothing. If only that was socially acceptable to wear in real life...Anyways, awesome job with the description this chapter! It's always difficult writing a story with clothes different than what most people know because it's a lot harder to describe it.

Time to get into the specifics of what needs to be fixed! There isn't a lot, save for the things I've mentioned in prior chapters!

“Yes mom,” Luke said, turning around and edging around the edge of the circular hut.


The "m" in "mom" should be capitalized.

People milled about in some sort of village square, dressed in some sort of steampunk slash medieval style of clothing.


This sentence is repetitive. I would suggest changing it to something along the lines of, "People milled about in some sort of village square, dressed in what appeared to be a strange cross between medieval and steampunk style clothing."

Now onto the things I liked, and my reactions to certain parts of this chapter! :D

Far down below it, was an entire shining kingdom. The lowliest of huts were made of several kinds of minerals at a time, while the richest were entirely made of the most precious stones. The roads were paved with disks of diamond pressed into gold. On it, people and carriages bustled around busily. The main attraction, however, was a castle carved out of eight purple quartz crystals growing upward.


This sounds beautiful. Great job on the description here!

Luke sighed. “Well, that’s a way,”

“Is there even another?” Lee asked, leading them down the steps as she pressed her right hand to the wall.

“Yeah, tumbling off the edge.” Luke gave a weak laugh.

Lee shot him a dry look over her shoulder.


I just love Luke's comment here.

Oliver hopped forward. “I lost the feeling in my toes going down the stairs.”


I ended up smiling at this. I know I shouldn't, since he's injured, but I love how he doesn't tell the truth until this part.

“Yeah. Constant vigilance, there’s a chance that these people aren’t friendly. Plus, I’m sure that Luke’s neon orange shoes would raise a few eyebrows.” Lee explained.


I love the logic behind this argument. Also, is Lee a Harry Potter fan? I have to ask that question every time someone says "constant vigilance." :P

Luke sighed. “Give it a rest! You two are bickering like some old married couple. It’s making me sick.”


My instinctive thought was to ship them, but I'll see what you do with their relationship before making any further assumptions.

“Excellent. Let me see that leg.” The herbalist waddled around the edge of the booth, and kneeled on the ground to examine the leg. He frowned, and poked it several times in different places, much to Oliver’s protest. He nodded gravely. “I see. Very unfortunate.” He stood, and clapped his hand giddily. “Follow me!” With surprising speed, he shuffled away, leaving his booth unattended. Julia and Lee traded skeptical looks, then followed him.


I admit that I'm more than a little worried at this part. I've been watching a series called Horrible Histories lately, and from what I've seen, the way to cure leg pain in the past was to get rid of the leg. Let's hope that's not the case here.

Keep up the spectacular work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors! Have a great day/night! :D






Thank you! I'm a MAJOR Harry Potter fan, and I slipped in that reference hoping someone would notice. XD

Thank you so much for pointing out those grammatical errors and mistakes. I'm having a huge editing period once I finish all the chapters, and I'll apply them whenever I'm finished. And I MAY or may not like Lee and Oliver together, *Laughs guiltily*



Mageheart says...


Well, someone did! :D I was guessing that was the case, although there was always the chance that you're such a big fan that you unconsciously added that. :P

You're welcome again! Alright, so I can ship them...Now just for a ship name...:P





I know, right? XD



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Sat Jul 23, 2016 5:06 am
Junel wrote a review...



Hey, great as always!

Grammatical Etc. errors:

that you couldn’t see the rock.

This sentence seems to end early. Did you mean to say that they couldn't see the rock on the other side?
she remembered that he was claustrophobic.

So claustrophobia is the fear of small spaces, yet you just described how huge this place is. Did you mean a fear of heights? That's Acrophobia.

Plot: You go very far in this chapter, but you keep it at a good pace. Overall it makes complete sense.
Descriptions: You are getting better at adding these in and making them very descriptive.

Good Luck and Keep Writing

Sláinte -Junel






Thank you! I meant that you couldn't see the rock on the other side of the cave. Luke actually was having a hard time with that narrow passageway.



Junel says...


Oh that makes more sense.



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Fri Jul 22, 2016 6:58 pm
JennyImStory wrote a review...



So WOW. There's a magical underground city, that's quite something.
I thought this was another cool chapter, as soon as I think I know what the genera is you go and twist it up again. First I was sure it was a survival story, then some hidden conspiracy thing now it's full on FANTASY! Witch is my favorite genera so no complains here. Your description was good and we are slowly learning more and more about the characters.
There was only 1 thing I didn't like: When they first saw the city it was such a BIG MOMENT and it was really intense. Then two seconds later they're fine again. I feel like finding a secret underground city deserves at least a minute of gawking. It's a secret underground city! Your description had that epic feel, but then you just shifted back to the characters and they didn't seen to react too much.
That was my only issue. I thought everything else had good description and the overall story has nice pacing. Just make sure those AMAZING moments aren't too glossed over.






Thanks! It's not actually magical though. XD
And thank you. I'll go and fix that right now.



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Thu Jul 21, 2016 6:37 pm



love your writing its almost as good as min Aubrey:0 nice from 1 to 10 I wood give you a ;) :0 ;) :) :) :) :) :)






Almost as good as yours, eh?

I know you didn't actually read it.





you or so right sister of min :)





*Cries in corner* XD




Look closely. The beautiful may be small.
— Immanuel Kant, Philosopher