Young Writers Society

Hey Kitten,
I liked the piece. I thought that some parts do need work though.

Were you being ironic when you were saying things like "I got them memories," and "I just got some flaws." by making mistakes on purpose or were you just making mistakes? If it's the latter then you should fix those. And also you had a vague rhyming scheme going on at the start that completely dropped from the third stanza on, I think that you should maybe have kept that going because it suited the piece, in my humble opinion

Also, i think you need to develop more ideas around this, this is basically you saying that you have flaws and everybody has flaws and we need to love ourselves again and again. You need to surround it with imagery and language and the like! Be creative, it's your piece, experiment!

I do like your ideas, but I think this needs more work. Hope I could help
Yours in ink,
TS.

Hey it's Caitie.
I wanted to start off and say that I love this poem. To me it mostly speaks about our flaws. Yes we have some, but who doesn't? My favorite line is,"Perfectly imperfect is what they say." That line is just awesome, because people try so hard to be perfect when truly were all imperfect and that's ok. Through all that we've been through and all of the tough days, we are still here living another day. I hope your poem inspires other people to love all their flaws because they make us who we are.

Hello there, I'm Kam! I'm here to write this very inspiring poem a review that I hope does it justice! To start, I'll be going for nitpicks like awkward sentences, missed punctuation, etc. Then I'll move on to compliments, like what I like with the story, why I like said parts and I'll finish it off with improvements that can be made, if you so choose to make them! Let's begin!

Okay, I'll go stanza by stanza okie?
Stanza One= No specific punctuation or misspellings I see here. There is a line I see
"But I've got a good heart." and when you separate that its "But I have got a good heart." and it is all completely correct but...It sounds weird for some reason? Maybe just but "But I have a good heart." and in reality, you don't have to, it's just...bothering me for some reason. I don't know, I'm strange XD

Stanza Two= This part is, much like the first, completely correct in every way, but maybe add an I'm to that very first line so
"Not stunning" turns into "I'm..." or "I am not stunning". It's just a nit pick, you don't have to because a poem tends to not obey the normal rules of English :3

Stanza Three = Awesome part. Awesome stanza. Absolutely no nit picks or problems with this one. I love this and I love the message no matter how many times it's said, love love love it.

Stanza Four = Okay, this stanza is also amazing. You're connecting with the reader etc. etc. but...
"I know what it's like,
<strong></strong><strong>I got them memories,</strong><br>
But my heart still beats,
and life goes on,"

That bolded part was probably meant to enhance the story but it really drew my attention away from the poem. So many try something else like.... "I have those memories too," which sounds better and runs smoother.

Stanza Five = The stanza is nice, very normal, very good as an in between to show you are not a god telling someone to love themselves or suck it up, that you are a human and it takes time but...
"I fall too fast and get hurt easily,," I see those two commas at the end and I'm not sure if you meant to make an ellipse ( ... ) or just a period to end that sentence/ stanza but I'd fix that to either or. It distracts the reader from the story.

Stanza Six = Another amazing stanza, you describe that you like making people happy no matter how young one is, it is possible etc. You slip back into the word got in a place it really shouldn't be by saying
"I just got some flaws." and instead I would suggest changing it too "I just have some flaws."

Stanza Seven = Awesome poem, I'm also an athiest/ agnostic/ simply non religious and I connect with this deeply. However, I would suggest adding an And at the begging of the end sentence so it goes from
"But I have an open mind,
That will do,"
To
"But I have an open mind,
And that will do."
I also changed the end comma to a period.

Stanza Eight = Awesome stanza. I've said awesome too many times. Beautiful, inspiring, amazing, well written, thoughtful, etc. Don't have a single problem with this stanza and I love how you try to brighten peoples days.

Stanza Nine = Yeeessssss! Speak the truth my fellow writer! SPEAK IT. Simply well put, and very awesome. You've opened you're heart to struggles and yet you show no matter how low one gets or doesn't get they can still rise to happiness.

~
What I like.
I like this whole poem. It is really well written, the topic it talks about is something relatively new in popularity but this kinda rises above all the other ones telling you to love yourself while not being someone who was either in a really really really dark place, or by someone who doesn't really know what they are talking about/ how to put what they want to say in the right words. You've connected with your audience, repeatedly, and you wrote a very good poem.
~
I've told you my nit picks and improvements stanza by stanza but if anything at all can be improved I'd say lengthen or add a second part going into deeper detail with your hardships, if you're comfortable with it of course. I feel like you'd connect with a more specific (or a wider) audience overall.

Keep writing, because you are quite good
~Kam