Published May 14, 2010
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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
I like this! The line that i really like is "Your far-way dreamboat pulls into the dock" I like how you described her emotions here! I also liked "-a knock and a coo
But I would walk further -away from you too" because it is so true. We often are there for people but would so easily ditch them for something we think is better!PM me if you have anything you want me to review!!!!
-KAH
Let me preface my reply by saying that I will be brutally honest, constructive, but honest all the same. I enjoyed this piece and it's poetic format. I especially liked the use of "Go" as that one word conveyed a lot of emotion, which in a poem is excellent considering the short nature of a poem. During my first read I initially found the last paragraph that tied the entire piece together confusing, partially because of its length, but after I read it again, I realized that it did tie everything together, and quite beautifully I will add with the exception of the following except which I hope you will explain in a reply.
When you call the lack of anger, shame, that makes sense. What I found confusing was the use of the word "stain" and whether or not you used it to represent a broken friendship. The meanings the word "stain" can assume vary tremendously and while I understand that it rhymes with "shame" I am interested to know if you considered any other substitutes in an earlier revision that perhaps, illustrate the nature of the above except more clearly.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky