Heartless

by Crimsona

  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

Published July 8, 2011

I'm sure that anyone who's reached the end of their school time can relate to this. I've just reached the end of my time at Prep school, ready to move on your 3rd form (year 9). Now, I've been to 6 different schools in my life so far, so I'm used to goodbyes. Infact, I'm so used to them that I've learnt not to be upset by it...



The headmaster spoke his words, the words gone cold.
The man, he spoke of times grown old.
Smiling and nodding, with a gleam in his eye.
When the girls beside me just started to cry.

Swollen faced, flushed red.
The girls all cried and then they fled.
But no, not me. For I don’t weep.
I know friends made are friends to keep.

Memories shared are memories made.
A girl, Tash, turned to me and said.
“Why don’t you cry? Where is your pain?”
I said “Crying? Sadness? What does that gain?

Dear Tash, I’m not heartless, I feel your sorrow.
But remember, I’ll see you again, if not tomorrow,
Then soon! I promise. So don’t you despair.
I do feel emotion. I really do care.

But six different times I’ve been through the ends
Of leaving schools and leaving all friends.
My heart hasn’t grown cold, it’s just grown strong.”
What, in that, can be so wrong?

I did shed a tear, but it wasn’t for them.
It was for myself, so ripped at the stem.
I am just a heartless, wretched old beast.
I could have pretended to cry, at least!

But I’ve moved around, from place to place.
Never settling, just parting, without leaving a trace.
Five other schools, five sets of friends.
All gone. For, one day, everything ends.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
MamaLama95
Review
MamaLama95 wrote a review Review · Jul 10, 2011

This poem felt a little forced, and too unemotional for me. It was interesting, and I can relate to it, but it's lacking very much in some sort of deep set emotion, whether it be playfulness or serious trauma. Good use of punctuation and grammar overall though, and no BIG issues - just reread it and see if there's anything you can improve maybe.

User avatar
Matthews
Review
Matthews wrote a review Review · Jul 9, 2011

Pretty good poem here! I enjoyed reading it, and the story was interesting and something a lot of people can relate to. Not necessarily 'moving schools' but leaving things behind, things that don't last. Having to be tough inside, learning not to care...
Anyway. I enjoyed the rhyme myself, but there were a few areas the flow broke a bit. This one especially came to my attention:

Never settling, just parting. Not leaving a trace.

So just watch out for the abrupt areas, where it's not so smooth.

:)

User avatar
cyancheshire
Review
cyancheshire wrote a review Review · Jul 8, 2011

I can't relate to this, because I've been to the same school all my life, but just imagining moving schools and places so much makes me want to scream. I couldn't deal with it. /:

Mkay, so. I think you've got a good thing here. To be all honest, I don't like the rhyme scheme. The AABB is used way too often, in my opinion, so that kind of threw me off. But the plot kind of helped it enough, because it's one you don't see very often in poetry. Usually, it's nothing but emotion, but you've got a full-out setting and theme and everything. Very nice.

There are SOME grammatical errors.

When the girls beside me just started to cry.


Did you mean "when"? I didn't think it went with the sentence, because it seems more like a phrase to me. I'm aware poetry are phrases, but it didn't seem to fit in with the stanza.

A girl, Tash, turned to me and said.
“Why don’t you cry? Where is your pain?”


Right after said, you should have a comma instead, since you're going on to dialogue.

Dear Tash I’m not heartless, I feel your sorrow.

After Tash should be a comma, too.

I think you did pretty good with this. (:



"You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things..."
— Gone With the Wind