Published July 22, 2011
Yet another of my poems written ridiculously early in the morning (2:30 to be precise). Definitely no excuse this time.
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Canary word: Present
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139,347 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
This was very amazing indeed. I love the emotion of heartbreak in it, the metaphors and the imagery.I could see smudged and blotted ink, old photos, crinkled paper of a worn book. I could see a person hunching over it, pouring their eyes out with tears and their heart out with emotion. The pen moving feverishly across the paper as you rush to vent your emotions, whatever they may be. I liked it very much. Good job and keep writing.
Nicely written. Full of feelings and emotions. Quite touching.
Thank you for your reviews! I've made some edits.
This was really beautifully written. I love the imagery, especially in the second stanza, and I love the way you put a new twist on a love story by making a poem about the diary entries.
The only thing I'm not sure about is the rhyme scheme-- I didn't even notice there was one until the beginning of the third stanza. This is a good thing, because it means that it didn't sound like you wrote a bunch of weird phrases just so you could get the rhymes to match. However, I think this means you have a rhythm problem-- your lines are not even
Specifically, these two lines don't match up well, even though they aren't that different in length. The first line is ingenious-- it perfectly descries the emotion and image with the fewest words possible. The second one has some fat that could be trimmed.
I just used that as an example, basically just go through and tighten the lines a little.
Besides that, it was a beautiful poem. Great job
This is absolutely beautiful. I can not be really sure, but by the sounds of this, either someone died, or you have felt heartbreak that the loneliest human on the planet can not begin to imagine, let alone describe. I liked how you subtly mention books,
and so on. This poem makes me want to sob uncontrollably hidden away in a corner somewhere. It really does. Especially since I, as have you apparently, have recently been dumped. This poem touches a beautiful soft place in every persons heart, and I have nothing bad to say about it. Wow. Wow. Kudos.Also, the way the rhyme scheme is obvious, but in a surprisingly subtle way, really just... Wow.
This is really beautiful. It reminded me of something Evanescence, Escape the Fate or The Foo Fighters might sing haha
Anyway, I relly liked the similies and metaphors that you incorporated into your poem. It really bought what you were saying to life. Very good job.