“We’ll miss you, Lilith!” Her friends cried.
The three blondes, clad in pink, were are arm in arm standing on the sidewalk. Lilith was just getting into her mother’s car when her friends called to her.
“Bye guys! I’ll miss you guys too! Will you write me?”
“Ew, no. Get a phone already, or else we won’t talk to you.”
Lilith’s spirit faltered a bit. “Oh... Okay!”
Lilith was especially sad on this day. You see, she was moving away. Away from her friends, her school, her crush, and her home. She did not want to leave at all, and she wasn’t. Lilith devised the perfect plan to escape from her parents grasps.
The channel one o three point three was on, filling the small dining room with the voice of Lena Horne.
“Lil, are you sure you don’t want to eat?” Her mother asked, serving her baby brother.
“Yeah, I’m not hungry.”
Her father was bringing out the soda, dancing while singing the lines of Stormy Weather.
“Are you sure?” He asked,”It’s pizza.”
“No thanks.”
The music played for a while more as the family ate quietly.
“Lilith, are you still mad about moving?” Her mother asked with a worried expression. Lilith stared at her, taking in the image of her mothers wild golden hair held up with chopsticks and the stained t-shirt she wears while painting.
“No, mom. I’m over it. I’m fine.”
Her mother’s features softened as she smiled.
“Ok, honey. You can always talk to me. Okay?”
Lilith nods. “Okay.”
Lilith was laying on her bed. The t.v was on, playing her favorite movie. She was thinking about the most gorgeous boy in school. Her crush, Zachary. She sits up, half sad and half angry. Why are we leaving now? Why are we leaving? I haven’t even had a chance to talk to him! She muffles a frustrated moan with her pillow. As soon as they go to sleep... I’ll go. Soon. Lilith stares at her running shoes and packed backpack hopefully.
It was close to midnight when Lilith slipped through her window into the Autumn night. The chill nipped at her skin through her sweater. She tried not to step on any leaves, fearing it would awaken her slumbering parents. Lilith was determined. She was not going to move, even if it meant going on strike. She walked through her neighborhood, avoiding orange tinted street lights and the damp sidewalks. Out of the cul-de-sac, across the not so busy traffic, and into the forest. As she entered the forest, Lilith couldn’t help but to observe the scenery. The full moon was covered by thin clouds and the sky was a dark shade of blue. The trees towered above her, inviting her into their embrace. She treaded through assorted leaves, stomped over fallen branches, breathing in the scent of Fall and rotting earth. The tired teenager’s steps began to falter. The backpack she carried was heavier. The cold that kept her awake now made her want to curl up by a fire and sleep. It’s only been a while. She thinks. I’m so tired. Lilith trips over her own feet and she lands in the leaves. This is when her body gave out.
Lilith. A melodic voice was trying to arouse her. Lilith. This voice sounded so familiar. Wake up, lazy bones. It wasn’t her mother’s. Lilith! The abrupt shout woke her. She sat up, rubbing her head. She must’ve hit it on something... Lilith noticed the fog lingering on the ground. Strange. She thought. There wasn’t any fog before. She noticed that the moon was higher in the sky, clear of any clouds. Her surroundings seemed more... Vibrant. The fall-colored leaves were brighter, the sky was bluer, and the greens were greener. What happened? Her head snaps to the sound of crunching leaves. She observes. More crunching. Her head turns wildly around her, trying to see through the surrounding trees. Suddenly, it stops. The silence was deafening.
“Boo!”
Lilith screeches.
The boy standing before her was laughing whole heartedly. She looks up, and to her surprise, it was Zachary. Lilith was shocked and embarrassed. What was her crush doing out in the middle of forest? With her? Lilith was hesitant to talk.
“Uh, Zach?” She asks.
“Is that my name? Oh, lame!”
Lilith was taken aback by his sudden obliviousness. Wasn’t his name Zachary?
“Aren’t you Zach? You look just like him.”
The Zach lookalike stretched his hand out to help Lilith up.
“I can be whatever you want me to be.” He smiles a toothy grin.
There was something strange about this boy. He looked like Zach, he sounded like Zach, but he didn’t act like Zach. His hair was also darker. Way darker. Zach had brown hair, now it’s black. She noticed that his eyes were a weird shade of blue and un-dilated. Zach’s eyes were usually green. Lilith also scrutinized his dress. His clothes were ripped up pieces of black material. She guessed it was once a suit.
“Well, what are you waiting for, stupid? Take my fricken hand!”
Lilith took it and he pulled her up in a quick jerk that hurt her arm.
“Ow!” She rubs her shoulder.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” He said sarcastically,” I forgot you were a weak girl!”
“Am not!” She tries to sock him, but misses.
“You hit like a girl too!”
Lilith tries again, but fails and quits with an annoyed growl.
“What’s the matter, Lilith? Don’t wanna try anymore?”
She narrowed her eyes at him.
“Your not Zach. Zach’s way nicer than you!”
“Oh cry me a fricken river, Lil! I’m the better version of Zach! Hey, what are you carrying?”
She looks at her backpack quickly, then back at him.
“My stuff.”
“Let me see!”
He begin poking at her, circling her, trying to take her backpack away; and he did.
“Give it back!” She shouted.
“Ah,” he exhaled while backing away from her,”You gotta catch me first!”
Zach turned and sprinted away from Lilith into a group of trees. She ran after him, pumping her legs as fast as she could. Lilith dodged the trees and jumped over ascending roots, keeping her glare locked on Zach, who would look back at her and laugh. What Lilith was supposed to be looking at, was the trees. Her foot caught on something large and she fell face down in the Earth. Lilith listened to Zach’s uncontrollable laughter and teases.
“Holy crud! You ate fricken dirt you clumsy ditz!” He screamed through his fit of laughter. “If you want your backpack, your gonna have to find me!”
Lilith looked up and he was gone; All she could was his laughter. Great. She thought. My crush stole my bag. I have to go find him. She got up reluctantly, brushing off all the leaves and dirt from her body. It was then, as she looked over the grounded fog, that she noticed the trees were crooked. It was so strange to her. The base of the trees were bent, like a hook. The roots were still intact. It curved, then went straight to the sky. Im in a crooked forest. She thought. Lilith really needed what was in her backpack. She had clothes, snacks, a lighter, and other things she thought she might need out here. Now it’s gone. I have to get my stuff back. Lilith began to run towards the illuminating blue light where Zach had disappeared into. There were so many of the trees, lingering, towering above her. As she treaded further into the group of trees, they began to look straighter and bigger. No longer were they crooked, but tall, menacing, and scary. Yikes. She thought. I never want to come back again. As soon as I get out, I’m not coming back. Lilith felt something brush by her leg. She looks down to see what it was, but the fog covered her feet. She felt it again, only this time, it grabbed her foot. Lilith screams as a root from one of the trees bring her body up. She’s held upside down in the air.
“Wha-what?”
Lilith couldn’t get her words of confusion out of her mouth. Another root began to rise and started pulling her hair. She shrieks in horror. Lilith starts to hear laughter. These sounds were deep and hearty, and it terrified her. They began to hum a strange, haunting tune. Another root rose from the ground, but the tip of it was sharpened. The root wavered in front of her face, dancing to the hummed rhythm. The root disappeared behind her head and started cutting off her long blonde hair. She screamed for it to stop, but they kept humming and the root kept cutting. The roots didn’t stop until her hair was severed. She was dropped to the floor as the roots retreated into the ground, her hair strewn over the ground. It was then, while the trees began to laugh that hearty laughter again, she began to cry. She put her face into her hands and began to weep.
“Whoa. What the hell happened to you?”
She turned her tear-stained face to Zach, who was looking down at her, confused. She couldn’t take the sight of him.
She stood up and screamed,”It’s all your fault! I hate you!”
She ran and left a bewildered Zach behind. Lilith ran and ran and ran. She wanted to collapse, but she still ran. She ran until she saw a river. Lilith skidded to a stop and dropped to her knees. She laid next to the glistening river and wept. Why was this happening to her? She had done nothing to deserve it! It was so terrifying... After feeling like she could cry no more, Lilith sat up and looked at the reflective water.
“Oh, God!” She complained.
All of her long hair was gone. It was now an uneven, messy bob that stuck out in choppy pieces. Her mother was going to be so mad. Her mother. Lilith let out another cry of anguish. She was tired, scared, alone and she missed her mom. Lilith was touching her severed locks when she noticed the moon. It was full, bright, and beautiful. It was as if the moon were smiling at her. Wait a minute... It was! The moon was smiling at her! Lilith quickly looked up at the moon. She gasped. The moon looked exactly like her mother! Lilith was so happy to see her mothers face. The moon smiled at her gently.
“What is it that makes you cry, love?” Her mother’s soothing voice filled the air.
“Oh,” Lilith said between tears,”I lost all my hair. I’m scared. I don’t want to move.”
The moon gives her a look of sympathy. “My dear, why don’t you want to move?”
“Because all of my friends are here. And... And a boy I like.”
The moon closes here eyes, listening. “Do you want me to show you something, honey?”
Lilith sniffs,”Sure.”
The moon begins to shine; Her rays hit the shining flow of water. Lilith looked down at the water and saw her friends. She recognized the scene that played before her. It was when she left and her friends were saying goodbye.
“Are we really gonna call her?” Said Lisa.
“Of course not,” snorted Melanie,”Lil was such a drag. A total loser. Each time she would walk next to us, I felt like vomiting. And she was so dull. My mom made me hang out with her because she felt sorry for her mom. And she kept talking about how she had a crush on my Zach. Her and Zachary? Yeah, forget it! He would never go out with her. Now that she’s gone, he’ll be able to focus on better things.”
“Like what?” Asked Sarah.
“Hm, like me! Oh, look! There’s Zach! Zach!”
Melanie crossed the front of the highschool to meet with Zach.
“Hi Zach.” She said in her high girl voice.
“Uh, hi Mel. What’s up?”
“Oh nothing. I was wondering, who are you going to take to the Halloween dance?” Melanie twirled her finger around her hair.
“Um, I don’t know yet. I was thinking about not going, you know. Go out with my friends...”
“I think you should totally go, and if you don’t have anybody,” she takes out a piece of paper and gives it to him,”I’m always available.”
“What about Lilith?” Squeaked Sarah.
Melanie elbows her.
“Who’s Lilith?” Asked Zach with a confused face.
“No one important. Let’s go girls. We have to go to cheerleading practice. See you later at the football game, Zach. ”
The vision before Lilith disappeared with the moving water. For the first time, Lilith felt like nothing. Her life was a lie. Her friends never liked her. Zach doesn’t even know who she is. No one liked her. Lilith felt her heart sink. She didn’t know what to say.
“Do you see, my dear. You were so oblivious to harm. I see what happens behind closed doors. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
Lilith sighed, then sat back. She looks up at the moon which bore her mothers face.
“Thank you. You helped me realized something. Even though it hurt so much to see it, I’m glad I did.”
Lilith heard stomping from behind her, so she turns. It was the Zach lookalike. He sat next to her and slowly took her hand. He placed the rest of her dirty, chopped off hair in her hand.
“I should’ve told you about the trees. Here’s your backpack.”
“Thanks.”
Lilith and the lookalike Zach watched the streaming river.
“Why are you here, Lilith?”
“I didn’t want to leave. So I ran away.”
“Why would you do that?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Are you going back?”
Lilith squeezes the hair in her hand.
She nods. “I have to take care of something.”
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hey just going to do a little review here
also nice little cliff hanger there
well this was an interesting story and simple story. The friends seem like the basic snobby two faced cheer leaders also the the typical football player the main character wants and the cheerleader wants and he's oblivious of the fact one of them exists, a normal high thing in books so that's alright. One thing that I thought about her running away she would may have a plan when she did it, when running away someone normally tries to find somewhere where she can find a place to. If she wanted to stay with her friends and zach she would need to go to school and wouldn't the school tell her parents when they find out she ran away, that thought came into my head when reading this, you could just ignore that sentence if you wrote this story as her not thinking this though and just going with the wind. It's also kind of weird how you tagged humor with this to me there wasn't any notable funny parts, though her talking to the moon was kind of funny so there's that. You nailed the horror genre pretty alright trees and roots attacking you and pulling on your hair is in fact a scary sight.
I did notice there were a lot of short periods and short sentences, I think i saw a two word sentence so there's that, not to big a deal. I found it a slight confusing to read because when they talked you didn't always out who was talking, I understand you can kind of infer who is but that makes the person think for a split second or two, it depends on the person.
Nice vocabulary though. I personally don't see the word oblivious all that much.
yea decent read
one question: when she got her hair cut off: is she completely bald or did the tree just cut it short?
So it continues!? I'm looking forward to that!
Really?! K, here it goes.
Anyways... I'd love to review this, if you don't mind.
I loved how her friends are so stereotypical. Snobby-pink-cheerleaders, who, of course like the hot guy too. Their talk, the "OMG" voice... which I pictured, beautifully, thanks to your expertise in the teenage vocabulary. They're annoying too, which is bad... in a good way. It made me laugh a bit, to myself!
At the beginning though, I found you hard to follow. You jump around locations, like Lilith had beaming powers! One minute, she was getting into her moms car, and the next they were all dinning in the restaurant. Then, shortly after that she was... at a hotel? And then hurrying to escape. I understand you kind of needed the back ground story, of her friends, for later. But maybe you could have her remembering about that morning when she said good bye, and troubled about her friend not wanting to write her. That could take place at the dinner, or their room, and you wouldn't have to skip around quite as much.
I was kind of shocked when it started getting all random, I like it, though I wanted to warn you not to turn it all into a bad dream. I would never forgive you! Well I would, but the point is... dreams have been so over used in that way, and I'd hate for this story to go in that direction. Plus, that's the first thing I thought of, and you want to keep it... surprising.
Last thing That I want to say, is how much I LOVED this. I really hope you finish it, if that is what you were planning on. I enjoyed how bizarre it was, and I like how the 'other' Zach, is turning out to be. Keep up the awesome writing, see you around!
-Socks
Oh my! Thank you so much! I can see why you would get confused! This was a short story for my English class and it had to be two pages! I made more... Anyhow, I had to keep jumping locations to make it shorter:P I probably should've said she was at home eating pizza with her parents! Thanks again for reviewing it and I'm so glad you like it!
P.s
There will be a sequel and it isn't dream!
Haha, you're welcome!
Hey, This was a pretty enjoyable Read, the story was sadly pretty basic, but thankfully told in a more interesting way. I can tell you have a lot of creativity you want to express.
Now you don't have to, but I was really confused once things went from normal to abnormal, you might want to explain it. I'm curious at what is the look alike Zach and how did she get in this other world.
I do like the darker theme, but still in a friendly sort of way, where things are more twisty than scary.
Since you do take the kind of dark fantasy turn, you should describe in a little more detail. I mean if your going to create a world create it not just describe it. Again these are just my thoughts you don't have to do any of them.
I don't want to sound too criticizing, because I did like it so, either way thanks for the read and keep up the good work.
Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you like it! You see, I wrote this for my English class and it was about Magical Realism. It was supposed to be two pages long, so I had to keep things quick and to the point! This is why it's a little jumpy (going from school to her home to the forest). Thank so much again and it's okay to just lay it out there for me!
Well that makes sense it would be cool to read it without restrictions.
This is, like, one of the best short stories i've read!
Your descriptions were incredible, I love how you made this seem like the girl was just a normal person.
Then, the Zach look-a-like character is great. Fun, and a bit of a trickster. No, not a bit. A lot! I think that I like the name Jack better, though. Sounds more...I dunno. Deep.
Lilith is also a great character. Brave enough to run away, but oblivious to jerks like her friends.
The one thing I didn't like was, when you talked about the radio station, I think you should put that in numbers.
Can't wait for a sequel!
herby
Well, thank you so much! I'm so giddy about these reviews! (And yours too!:P) I appreciate it! I can see how Jack would be used as his name (I thought about using it too!), but since the story is kinda "cheesy" I went for Zach! I also had fun writing about Lilith:) I should probably change the numbers into actual numbers! Thanks again!