How do I feel?

This was nice, the descriptions and emotions were very enjoyable to read. This is a very interesting piece and very relatable (that's a word- I don't know why Google spell-check doesn't recognise it... I even searched it up on Google and there is a dictionary definition... oh well, some mysteries can never be explained) ! One thing I would mention is in the fourth line, I would add a 'for' in the beginning to tie into the first clause and to improve the flow of the piece which was otherwise very good. I feel like you are writing this in multiple perspectives- you should stick to a single one. Apart from that, this sends a good message and rings true! I commend you on an excellent poem and wish you the best of luck in the future.


- Tate x

So beautiful. You have very good descriptions in this. I love this line: "You are either a lesson or a blessing of which I have yet to choose."
You chose the words very well. I would like to see more of your works.
Keep writing!

Wow, first of all that is a very powerful opening!

When Alexander the Great saw the breadth of his domain,
he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer
I am weeping for the opposite reason,
the world has conquered me

I did notice a minor spelling error here;

My feelings for you have beaten down my stone defences

That should read defenses

Also, I believe that changing this sentence, "Leaving my kingdom and all that I am vulnerable to the world" to leaving my kingdom and all that I have, I stand vulnerable to the world might have more of the effect you're going for. (just a suggestion).

I also noticed a typo here and i'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say;
Oh how it has conquered me song young

do you by any chance mean so young?

Also, I don't particularly like the mention of Cupid, you could allude to him with something like, "Surely, the draped man with the arrows..."

Also the sentence before the last one has a type, it says "my" instead of "me".

another niptick, the use of "whom" makes the reading a bit awkward and interrupts the flow. I would play around with other pronouns.

Also the length of the last sentence breaks the flow and does not make the poem end with the kids of effect it needs. I would consider shortening it with the most important aspects unless its a stylistic choice.

Overall, I definitely enjoyed reading this!
Great job!

I LOVE THIS! It's really descriptive, and dramatic. This is really nice! I never really read about Alexander the great, but your description made me feel like I was right there with him. I love it. I think it's Awesome. Good luck.

I LOVE THIS! It's really descriptive, and dramatic. This is really nice!

Hey there Kat here to review for you

Not sure why this was rated 16+ ?

You have a really great poem here very powerful and emotional with minor grammatical errors . Something that waould really help here is proofreading and formatting to help it flow more smoothly. Here's just a few minor fixes

"Leaving my kingdom and all that I am, vulnerable to the world"
"Oh how it has conquered me so(ng) young, how rushed I must have been"
"Nothing's right I am broken and open to the most meager (but?) of love"
"Shown to (my) me by none other than whom I consider close friends"

So just a few typos . But the idea and the feeling behind this piece was spectcular! You might consider breaking it into stanzas or leaving it as it is. You also never use . ? or ! but that doesn't matter so much in poetry as long as it doesn't detatch from the meaning. Personally, I loved the last seven lines and how elegantly you chose your words. I know how awful it is to love someone who doesn't love you and that just really summed up the love and the pain and the confusion it was a beautiful poem even if it makes you feel very sad for this person and their plight .

Keep it up!
~Kat