Published September 30, 2008
I wake from the nausea of sleep to
some foreign breathing,
heavy and irregular, cold and awful.
Terror saturates my guts.
There is no monstrosity,
no groaning creature clothed in shadow.
I am alone as always,
with the suggestion of menace.
I dreamt of a terrible architecture,
an unknowable edifice
unbound by earthly geometry.
It rises from the bottom of a pale sea as if to
scratch the heavens,
indescribable in size.
The structure lacks markings, window or door,
but is somehow possessed of a frightening, supernatural intelligence.
Inside must be
some cosmic horror.
Maybe a sleeping god
awaits the apocalypse?
Maybe this is Hell,
housed here in an ethereal world?
The spire haunts me.
Every night I dream of that alien ocean and the
strange monolith towering savagely from its depths
Every morning I wake with panic,
convinced some monster waits nearby.
Its breath is cold on my skin.
Vomit wells in my throat
from the ugly smell that permeates the room.
My teeth loosen in their sockets and are torn out by an imaginary hand.
My testicles retract into a revolting body.
Blood seeps from every orifice…
But the sensation stops suddenly,
apparently imaginary,
and all that remains is wonder.
It is this not-knowing of the indefinable which
horrifies me.
The creature won't reveal itself and
Virgil will not explain the mysteries to me,
an unworthy slob adrift between two dimensions of indifference.
I will never know the secrets of this world or that world
and it is truly unfair.
http://stickylung.blogspot.com
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
Yeah, I'm with you man. No one here seems to give a shit, and everything is reduced to grammatical criticsim or just plain "I don't get it". I've been scouring the internet, trying to find something, but alas, to no avail. I've recently started up a blog, http://stickylung.blogspot.com for assorted short stories/poems/reviews etc.. I don't know, I should probably start my own site for darker, more experimental fiction but I'm not too HTML-savvy. Would you be interested in writing for something like that, man?
Crazybob, does not the pedantry of the reviews on this website shave on your nerves with a pair of rusty scissors? Perhaps it doesn't, but what I am getting at is that if you would be so kind as to point me in the direction of a better outlet, whether it be website or nay, I would be grateful.
The spacing in this poem makes it harder to read. Maybe you could try only double spacing between stanzas?
You're very descriptive in this poem. There are really powerful and gripping words here, like "scratching the heavens", which is so much more effective than "really tall".
Suggestion of menace? This is a let-down. Where's the raw words? You're going soft on us!
Sorry, but this ending is really wimpy. Like a little kid whining that stuff isn't fair. Could be better.
Is the "structure" supposed to be an actual building? If so you haven't shown this at all, which makes me think that you didn't base it on a real structure.
I enjoyed the Lovecraftian imagery, but as having just read this moments ago, all I can walk away with or comment on is the impression it leaves, which frankly, makes me nothing more than happy in my pants. Keep it Jesus.
lol. I really liked the description in this, it was great! I would suggest putting the lines in one stanza a little closer together as it made it a little harder to read.
Good luck with the rest of your reviews!