Hello Craz!
I really like the emotion you've allowed the doodle to feel, and it kind of makes me feel bad for all of the times I've erased things.
No, no! Let me live, Creator!
have i not guarded over Your strange words to Your liking?
please, Creator!
let me continue my purpose on this flake of wood, in these flakes of wood, bonded together forever!
This is the only stanza that I really had an issue with. I'm not quite sure what the part about guarding strange words is, unless there are other words on the paper with the doodle. I think it might work better if the doodle is wondering if it hasn't done something else, just because I'm not sure how the words are related. Also, I get that the paper is made up of flakes of wood technically, but it sounds a bit weird here, and I think it would be better to break it up as well. Maybe like this: "let me continue my purpose on this paper here, / on these flakes of wood, bonded together." I'm not sure why you have "in" the wood flakes, because the drawing is on top of them, but I guess it helps with the idea of them all bonded together, even if it seems a bit odd.
You do not stop until i am nothing more but an imprint,
my lead body scattered and like stains
that litter Your paper.
One little thing here is that I don't think you need the and in the second line. It's sounds a bit weird, and I don't think it makes much sense or adds to that line.
That's it! I really like your ending as well, how the doodle ends up as part of the dust on the floor that the Creator steps on, but the doodle still loves the creator. That's so sweet! Nice job.
-Falco
Points: 6141
Reviews: 499
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