January 3rd, 2058
Dear Molly, my dearest Molly,
It’s been so long, too long since they have taken you away from me. My arms feel empty, cold, shriveled up since they have kept you away. You were there to protect me from the scary monsters in the dark corners, to keep a smile on my face, to keep me alive. The softness of your fur would bring me great warmth. But they have pulled you out of my reach. I told them that I would never speak again unless you were here with me, in my arms. They refuse to give you back. After I threatened to harm them, they had me in restraints. The restraints hurt, they dug into me like needles, I couldn’t escape them. I felt lonely and trapped, like a little birdy cornered by a cat. I have always wanted to see little birdies, can you see them wherever you are? After time had passed, the restraints were released. The lady in the white coat talked to me, begging me to say something. She said to me, “I love you, but you must do this for me.” Then she jammed something into my glowing red eye, then turned something on my temple, it made a funny clicking sound. I was fascinated by that word “love”, I have heard it once before, but I can’t remember where.
After I refused to say anything, they locked me inside of the scary dark room again. Remember our first time there? In the scary dark room? I didn’t like it when they threw me in there once more, you weren’t there to protect me. I hope they will bring you back soon so I can hold you and never let go.
From your friend.
“We’ll give Molly back once you’ve answered some of our questions.” Said the woman in the white coat, staring down at the squirming young android.
“But she’s mine! Mine! Give her to me!” Opal kicked her little legs and thrashed in the guard’s grip, in hope to escape and embrace her precious stuffed rabbit.
“O-807’s software is unstable, Lilith, it won’t obey its commands.” Said a man holding a small screen, also clad in a white coat.
“Her name is Opal,” demanded Lilith, her jaw clenched, “and I’ll get her software back to where it was after the tests. She’ll obey me, she knows me."
“But apparently it doesn’t, after that malfunction all that it can think about is that stuffed rabbit you gave it. If you can’t get to its original software then I will have to take matters into my own hands. This is the world’s first invention with this sort of intelligence, we must be cautious.”
“This was my fault, I taught her– it how to love and this was the result. You’re right, I should have been cautious with the amount of care that I have put into it. I cared for it like it was my own child.” Lilith stared at the android with dread.
A resounding cry from Opal echoed throughout the area, making it vibrate and causing people to cover their ears. As she was dragged off into the other direction, her little arm reached out to her precious Molly, her one and only friend that she loved dearly. All that she focused on was the miniscule black beady eyes of the rabbit, staring back at her. Just for a moment, Opal managed to shove her arm out of the guard's grip and race off to Molly, but the attempt was in vain. After just nearly a few steps she took she was lifted up by her waist and carried off, kicking and screaming. “Give her back! I need her! Molly!”
In her state of internal turmoil, Lilith stood amongst the wreckage she had caused. She created this situation, and if she didn't take action, it would be almost impossible to reverse. Her eyes focused on the screen in her hands, trying to come up with a solution to the situation. The screech of the android was drowned out and had passed on. Lilith took a deep breath in, “Jacob, you will give that back to her at some point.”
"After this catastrophe?" he snickered. “Never.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Ho ho ho, curious mind!
Amaya here, ready to dive into the pages of this intriguing story. 📚!
Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my Christmas magic! 🎄
The Jolly-Good Stuff: 🍭
First of all, let's talk about the Holly Jolly parts that really rocked!
I think this is a great concept!! Especially how the technology is improving now and everything is getting all ai-ed. This was a good read, along with some interesting characters to whom the readers have been introduced, such as Opal,
Jacob, Molly and Lillith. (By the way, I love the names you’ve chosen for them)
I would absolutely recommend you to continue this story, but I’ve seen you rated this as a short story, so no pressure. You left quite the cliffhanger at the end, leaving the reader wanting to know more about what will happen next. Will they be reunited? Will they force Opal to do things in order to see Molly some times? Will Opal turn into something she doesn’t want only to protect Molly? What if they threaten her with Molly? (Those questions were literally running through my head at the end.)
You did a great job writing this story!
Elf- Check up needed over here:✒️
The letter writing part:
I have some critique for that, please don’t take it one too hard. This is meant to help you in improvement and not to offend you in any way.
I believe that because Opal is an android, she is human physically but not mentally right? However, robots do not really romanticise over things. Because this story of yours makes the android life-like, I understand that part. But in the letter writing part, I think maybe it could be written a little more formal and with more “fancy” words, because robots tend to speak formal and straight.
This is merely an example to support my statement above. You do not have to change anything if you don’t want to or copy my words, this is just an example of how it can be.
Before:
After:
~~~
Over here, I would suggest adding some more descriptions to the scene to make it more lively, think about adding emotions and feelings. What do you see in the environment? A young sad android with her eyes puffy and red. Apart from sadness the madness is clear to read on her face too. Deep down she wants to say something, but keeps herself from. Her knees are up and she is holding them with her hands and swinging up and down, she looks like an angry teenager.
Caroling Angels like the best!💐
The title is my favourite of the story. It’s chosen very specifically, and I think it’s a great one, because it basically sums up what the story is about. It also makes the reader curious, because it seems like someone is calling Molly. (It definitely piqued my interest.) Great thinking!!
Overall Christmas does come to an end:
This was quite the interesting read. Like I said before, I would definitely recommend you to continue this story, but that is if it is your wish. Great characters, awesome story line, amazing start off!! You did your best and that resulted in this cool story. It really matches the time we are living in now. Keep writing, hope to read more of your stuff later on!
Be sure to go with Rudolph 🦌 and check out…📔🔖
Calamity and Her Whims, Chapter 1 by @KocoCoko
This story is also a science-fiction one and it also has an AI in it. While reading your story I had a feeling you would enjoy this story.
Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!
[b]Amazingly yours,
Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate the notes
Happy Holidays!
My Review For "Molly" (Beautifully Written by Cozmo2024)
This is the perfect setup to do a series of letters to continue the story! (I'm on the edge of my seat, anxiously waiting to see what happens to poor Opal next)
Oh, what a rollercoaster of emotions we find ourselves on in this letter! The author truly knows how to tug at our heartstrings with the longing and desperation they feel for Molly. And who could blame them? Molly sounds like the furry protector we all need in our lives.
But let's not overlook the humorous moments sprinkled throughout this text, like when Opal compares herself to a little birdy cornered by a cat. It's all too relatable, isn't it? And can we take a moment to appreciate Opal's determination to get her beloved Molly back, kicking and screaming? We could all use a little bit of that kind of fight in us.
The banter between Lilith and Jacob is quite amusing as well. Lilith wants her precious Opal and Molly reunited, while Jacob, who sounds like the typical bad guy, has other plans. Oh my, the tension! It's like a soap opera but with androids and a stolen stuffed rabbit.
My only complaint is that you didn't continue the story
Overall, this piece of text had, me at the least, feeling all the feels, from heartache to amusement. The mysterious tone throughout adds an extra layer of charm, making it a delight to read. Well done, Molly and Opal, you've stolen our hearts.
I DEFINITELY recommend that you read this!!!
Remember, until we meet again,
“Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.”― Lemony Snicket
This is DeadMenTe11N0Tales, signing off
Thanks a bunch for reading! I%u2019m definitely considering on writing a part 2
Hello friend!
Welcome to YWS! I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out.
Per my interpretation, this was a really amazing piece! It's about an android who loves another, but she is taken from her because she isn't complying with the tests. It follows a wonderful, and very short, story of undying love even in the most trying times, which is an incredible storyline!
If I could offer any sort of advice, I don't think I would! This is very well structured, and I didn't notice any obvious plot holes when reading it!
But I would love to know more about what's going on with the androids and what's behind the relationship between Opal and Molly. I think it could make for an interesting sequel if you wanted to make it!
But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and I know this is a short story, so I understand why all of that information isn't in here.
If I had to pick my favorite part, it would definitely be the figurative language! I'm a sucker for a good simile or metaphor, and in the letter at the beginning, you most certainly delivered!
There's kind of a slant rhyme in there too, which is really cool when combined with the fact that it's also a comparison!
I also really loved the tropes you used in this. The idea of love never dying even after being separated for so long is a really beautiful narrative, so kudos to you!
Overall, this was an incredible read with magnificent prose that made it very digestible and fun to read! It had all the parts you look for in a story: conflict, love interest, and a protagonist and antagonist.
So, with that being said, thank you for taking the time to write and post this for us all to read! And once again, welcome to YWS!
Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!
Omg I appreciate it thank you so much for reading! More is on the way!