Characters
Hey my names Violet.
Im 16 and Im a loner.
Yep a loner.
No one likes me.
Im always sitting by myself.
People think im weird cause I dress differently.
I haven't had a boyfriend sinse year 2.
His name was Luca.
Hes a jock now so we dont really talk anymore.
I know its kinda wierd but I still like him.
But what kinda guy like him that has all the girls around him would want me?
Hey my names Luca
Im 16
Im the captain of the football team.
I really like this girl named Violet but shes different.
Not bad different but different that would make my popularity go from high to none at all.
I know it sounds mean but popularity is all I have.
I dont have a family that cares about me and the only girlfriends I have had are sluts.
I just wish popularity wasn't everything to me.
If it wasn't I would hold Violet in my arms.
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I will write more once I get used to the site more.....
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Soo...this looks to just be two character sketches almost for a novel, and not exactly the story itself, although it does appear to be written in the characters of these two people so I'm not terribly sure. I am going to try and review it as if it were these characters introducing themselves to us here.
Soo, Violet here is a very interesting case. It looks like this is perhaps going to be a romantic conflict that's a bit central to the plot here judging by how much emphasis is put on this relationship here. We get a couple of lines of what Violet thinks of hereself and then we cut right to how she used to have a boyfriend who somehow left her after becoming popular or at least that what this seems to imply here. Its definitely an interesting premise there, there's a story to be built there if you look into things carefully.
Hmm, getting this introduction certainly puts some things into perspective right there, it looks like he's kind of trapped himself in this one place he can't really get out of and along with Violet he also wants to be the other but they themselves have declared each other off limits there. This is definitely an interesting connundrum that you could certainly play around quite a bit with here...this sounds like a pair of fairly interesting characters here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi!
I think that more information could be given on that one. Unless it's individual profiles on each teen. Then moving on to Luca. Maybe more information on him as well next time you write. I am just confused as to how you planned to write your story. It seems interesting though, and extremely creative, so I hope the best! Please continue with your style and be encouraged!I really think you have an amazing story coming up! I do have a question though, is the story going to be just based on pictures or is it actually going to move on into paragraphs?
For your first post, this poem was okay. It wasn't the best I've ever read, but that what this site is for- to help you get better. I like how you included the characters so that the reader could develop a better image of the people you were talking about. I would have liked it if you had added more imagery through your words. I wanted to feel the emotion of losing love and then wanting it back. Also, you stopped at the boy's part. Oh, work a little on your grammer as well (unless you mean your work to be written that way). But, Welcome! (I'm new too, so we can help each other out!)
I like that you give us a pic of how your characters will look like so if your novel becomes a hit, I might not be so disappointed if the characters are not what I wanted, but you stopped at the guy's part. Also, are you doing a full novel or just a sort of short story. There's some help given around this site if you're new here. Welcome to YWS and hope you enjoy it here.