I ask myself this quite a lot
Every time I find an answer it disappoints me
On one hand, I feel like I’m pushing a boulder of tungsten up a endless hill
On the other hand, I feel like I’m overestimating myself, being egotistical
I hope it doesn’t matter, I don’t want to be a footnote in history I want to not be involved at all
just something about being remembered forever
Scares me into wanting to be forgotten forever
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,268 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Heyo! This is Zayin and this is my review! Your poem captures a deeply personal and relatable internal struggle, beautifully expressing the tension between ambition and the fear of being remembered. The speaker's honest reflections on their sense of self-worth, their aspirations, and the paradox of desiring both significance and anonymity resonate with universal human experiences.
A suggestion for enhancement:
Transitions Between Thoughts: The poem touches on several complex ideas—effort, self-doubt, desire for legacy, fear of being forgotten—but the transitions between them feel a bit abrupt. Expanding on how these ideas are connected could deepen the reader’s understanding of the speaker’s internal conflict. For example, you might explore how the effort of pushing the boulder relates to the fear of being remembered, or how one thought leads into the next.
My conclusion!:
This poem presents a beautiful meditation on self-reflection, legacy, and the paradoxical nature of ambition. Its emotional honesty, vivid imagery, and exploration of universal themes make it a compelling and thought-provoking piece. By expanding on certain transitions and ideas, the poem could become even more cohesive and impactful. Regardless, it already carries a strong emotional punch and resonates with readers who have ever questioned their place in the world or the weight of their own existence. Keep exploring these rich themes with the same depth and authenticity—it's a poem that invites readers to ponder their own relationships with purpose and remembrance. I have yapped a lot but this is really nice and even with my criticism I still like this piece alone without my words, I can't wait to read more from you! -ZK
I also ask myself this as well. Part of me wants to make some great impact on society so I won't be blotted out of the history books, while the other part of me want to simply be happy with just existing from day to day with the knowledge that a few people know me. I often find it some what comforting to think about the fact that the reason half of the people are really remembered is because they did something bad or had a reputation that did not uphold. I loved your poem, great job. Although it was short I found it touching, and relatable.
Welcome to the young writers society!
Heyyy!
One) Welcome, Welcome to YWS! I promise you, it's an amazingly warm community, and it's so interactive. There will be dead days where nothing pops up, but you'll enjoy it more with or without it.
Two) You did an amazing job with this! It's written well, though it is a tad confusing. The ending wasn't specifically clear, so I didn't quite follow it well. Other than that, it's a neat little poem, yes it's sad, but it's good.
I don't have much of a suggestion to make besides try and narrow down to your topic, and try and get that straight to the reader, either to the end or from the beginning. I'm guilty of also making poems of unclear meanings, and it's common.
You did an amazing job though, keep it up!
~Taost
Thank you for the advice! And I%u2019m glad you liked it!