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12+ Violence

The Man With Glass Teeth

by CotardDelusionz


9242992021

There was a man who never brushed his teeth. He cannot smile nor laugh but still he never changes, he still wont brush his teeth. He cannot talk without people hating his presence, cant look at a pretty girl in the eyes because she's always looking away. Soon his teeth ache and his gums bleed he becomes sick and get migraines, the taste of his own mouth makes him vomit over and over. He still wont change even with the bitter dirty taste in his mouth mixed with his left over vomit. He only eats and drinks to slightly change the taste in his mouth to distract himself, but its only temporary if he doesn't brush his teeth it will only get worse with every distraction. Eventually the pain in his teeth and gums become so unbearable he couldn't sleep at night or even eat. After a few days without eating or sleeping he got pliers and began pulling out each one of his teeth. As his mouth flooded with blood from his guns he smiled in the mirror showing his bleeding gums. He raised a clenching fist and smashed the mirror into pieces then got a each glass shard and inserted them into his gums where his teeth once were. When finished he pulled a hand mirror from the drawer beneath the sink and admired his new shiny teeth. 


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Thu Oct 21, 2021 8:10 pm
MissGangamash wrote a review...



Hello!

Okay, the tense is all over the place. Is this past or present tense?

'There was a man' 'He cannot smile' 'she's always looking away' - this happens throughout.

I get that this is flash fiction so we don't need the full story, but something does feel missing. If he was in that much pain, why didn't he brush his teeth? Was his whole plan to pull them out so he was waiting for them to rot so he could pull them out?

It would also be good to get a little insight into him as a character. The only description is really how other people perceive him, and that was simply that people couldn't stand looking and talking to him. But I am guessing he was a pretty weird guy from what I've gathered. You could add a little more to the bit about people not liking his presence. Was it just his teeth? Or was there more to it? Even just hinting at more could give this little story more depth. Perhaps he would purposely stands too close to people so they saw and smelled his teeth? That simple addition would hint that he knew he made people uncomfortable and enjoyed it.

Overall, a very short concise piece with a very creepy ending. With a little tweaking, it could be a lot more!




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Thu Sep 30, 2021 10:26 am
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ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This was an interesting and a new kind of story. I enjoyed reading it. Let's get into the review.

Okay so I can't decide if it's really horror. It does have an uncomfortable feeling in it but not really what can be called frightening. The only horror I found was seeing a man with some glass teeths. However, the sense of mystery was there throughout the story and sometimes I did find some humour in it.

First of all, there was a tense change from the first sentence to the second and then continued in the present tense for some time and then again it was back to past tense. You have got to avoid it and make the whole story in a single tense. Maybe you can convert it into past tense as present tense is not really required here. It's totally upto you though.

Secondly, avoiding many descriptions was actually a good choice. I rarely say that to people but I do think that if you provided much descriptions, it would have spoiled the story for sure. I wonder if it can be divided into two paragraphs concerning two ideas. Like in the first one you can include all about the teeth and disadvantages of it and in the second one you can write all about the mirror and how he managed to fix pieces of the mirror in his gum. This is the only place you have got to provide a bit description. Like how big the pieces were and how he inserted them and if it pained more than it pained when he broke all his teeth.

Now to the plot and character. It's really interesting why he didn't brush his teeth. The man, to me appears to be a crazy sort of man or let's say a bit uncomfortable to the readers, at least. I don't know why he didn't brush his teeth even though that had so many ill effects on him. That creates a sense of mystery to us readers. The idea of shining teeth was a great one.

Keep Writing!

~Forever






Thank you so much for the advise and constructive criticism I'm not a writer or do writing even as a hobby for the most part,but when I do write I do find myself switching tenses and not being able to decide which to use.



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Thu Sep 30, 2021 8:33 am
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hey!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

Okay, this was slightly disturbing...and definitely not the kind of thing I should have read first thing in the morning. I liked how you kept your language so simple and still managed to infuse the horror in the story. At first I thought it was going to be a moral lesson of some sort maybe. However, midway it took a completely different turn and it made me realize that this is no teaching lesson. It is the disturbing story of a very disturbing man who won't brush his teeth.

I liked the fact that you kept it short and to the point. This is not the kind of story that needs descriptions or plot twists. Your short sentences and off hand way of narrating the story made it even more haunting to read. At one point I was genuinely wishing someone would just walk up to him, tie him to somewhere or something, and brush his teeth for him. Or maybe simply take him to see a psychiatrist. But then this story would not have happepened.

One thing you need to work on is the tense. You started with the present, but throughout the syory you kept shifting between the past and the present. You need to keep the tense constant, otherwise it breaks the flow of the story and confuses the readers.

Overall, this was a really haunting and disturbing story. If your aim was to creep your readers out, then you succeeded. Now I will think about the man with the glass teeth every time I brush my own teeth.

Keep writing and have a great day!






Thank you so much for the review I greatly appreciate it and hopefully I can fix my switching tenses situation because I seem to do it a lot. Glad I was able to achieve creeping out a reader with this and thank you for the support.



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Thu Sep 30, 2021 5:44 am
Phillauthet says...






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Thu Sep 30, 2021 2:34 am
CotardDelusionz says...







To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything or nothing about it.
— Olin Miller