[b]
An angel in decise sent here to restore people lives
Bring us close together make sure we stay together forever
A little angel with something big to say
That angel was here for just a little while
But before she left she left plenty of smiles
Wow it's crazy
Something with a big message
And it was just a baby
She may have left to soon
But she made her mark
Shes a crystal with that big spark
At the of the day
That angel said "My time isn't long but before i go it got something to say".
"God only sent me here to give the Crowley family a message".
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
THANK YOU GUYS FOR TELLING ME WHAT I NEED TO BE CORRECTED ON
Hmm... Got potential I'll give you that. The image of this little angel with such importance is sweet. But yes, grammatical nitpicks have already been done and whatnot.
Not too fond of the 'wow it's crazy' line, because the rest is pretty soft, and gentle, and sweet.
The end line could be altered to have more impact because right now, it seems to leave it hanging a little, and doesn't satisfy like it probably could. Maybe a refrain? I don't know.
Hello again! Great to see this isn't in caps.
Interesting poem here, but I'm afraid I don't quite get the message. But that's okay. I don't have to get the message as long as the poem makes me feel something. More about that later.
Nitpicks:
To should be too.
She's. Don't forget the little apostrophe.
Capitalize the 'I', please.
Could you possibly mean 'I've'?
May I ask why you didn't use any punctuation? I think this poem would be much, much better with punctuation. Remember punctuation is extremely important in poetry. It give it structure, tone and rhythm. Read this article on punctuation and poetry. It's written by a YWS member, and I myself find it quite helpful.
Also, your rhyming scheme isn't really working.
Lives, forever, stay, while, smiles, crazy, message, baby, soon, mark, spark, day, say, message.
It seems as if you're trying enforce rhyming in your poem but you don't always follow through. Work on that. Or, you could always not rhyme. Also leaves you with more word choices to better your poem.
Descriptive language is important in poetry such as this. It stimulates our imaginations, creates fresh images in our minds, and adds more emotion and meaning in a poem. This poem did not bring about emotions or feelings in me. It was quite flat. It did not make me care. There are a lot of wonderful literary devices at you disposal that you should use. Similes, metaphors, figurative language. They really help the reader relate to a poem.
I would also encourage that you read, read and read poetry. Reading poetry helps immensely in writing it. Kind of a basic thing, but it works wonders.
Hope I was of some help. PM me is you have any questions.
Keep Writing!
-Zehra