There is an orange grove…. down the way
I used to squeak into on craptastic department store wheels
With flimsy blond all around my head and in my face
So I couldn’t see nothin’ but orange
A lady at the bus stop told me an orange was the world
Round and porous
Breathing in air and spitting out dust,
Like daddy did with his tobacco
Covered in empty invisible life
Walking a line between triumph and accidental apocalypse
Apocolyptic smush.
And I, tiny blonde with gold-white lashes
And little with nothing but squeaking craptastic
And a tooth fairy gap in my scarcest of smiles...
Wouldn’t you wonder if the world had a peel?
That you could hook your fingernail into thick and foreign fragrant land and water
Work it away without fuss
So you could trail your tongue over it’s fleshy inside
And take a big, tentative bite
And deep down on the inner citrus
Underneath all the nasty sharp tasting peel
Was nothing but tangy sweet
Orange ?
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,813 Reviews
This is fantastic hun. Completely faultless, simple and beautiful.
I love it. x
This evoked very tasteful images, and I say tasteful under several different contexts. It was a wonderful poem, and just because of my predisposition to honor original flow patterns as the author meant to have them (unless the flow just...isn't there), I don't believe I would change anything about it. It's not only beautiful, but a bit uplifting in its brightness. Kudos to you-dos.
Reminds me of something you might find in a Bob Dylan song. Dont know why. This is really very good, i dont know what i can say which has already been covered, except that this is really just very good XD. I liked it a lot, bravo!
Muse xx
I loved this. I think the way you spaced the lines worked really well. I have a few suggestions, but really they are very, very small.
There is an orange grove…. down the way
I used to squeak into on craptastic department store wheels
With flimsy blond all around my head and in my face
So I couldn’t see nothin’ but orange .
I think a period there might help the flow. And putting a 'that' before "I used too..." might make it a little clearer, I had to read it a couple times to figure out what you were sneaking into.
A lady at the bus stop told me an orange was the world
Round and porous
Breathing in air and spitting out dust,
Like daddy did with his tobacco .
Another period, maybe. I love the image of Daddy's tobacco.
And I, tiny blonde with gold-white lashes
And little with nothing but squeaking craptastic
And a tooth fairy gap in my scarcest of smiles...
Wouldn’t you wonder if the world had a peel?
tooth-fairy gap perhaps? I think it might flow better. But I love this part. "And a tooth fairy gap in my scarcest of smiles". Just lovely.
And deep down on the inner citrus
Underneath all the nasty sharp tasting peel
Was nothing but tangy sweet
Orange ?
Amazing ending.
Realize these are just tiny little nitpicks and I feel kind of silly even posting them because this is such a great poem. Sorry, I'm gushing, but this is just beautiful, and different, and yeah, I loved it. You did an awesome job of evoking a kind of child-like questioning innocence, or something, and your images are so amazing. I could go on and on pointing out all the little bits that are my favorites, but I think I won't . Just know that this is really one of my favorite poems I've ever read, including published ones. Great job.
this felt like a classic, a lot like one. It was flavorful, had new and cool language used naturally, had a nostalgia and a beauty all it's own. Congrats, yo.