Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this one is actually an idea I haven't run into on this site before which is rare because most stories in a category tend to be based around similar ideas. And this one was a pretty decent message I would say, not the brightest one but its not completely a dark one either. It does make you feel things as well which I think is some great work on your part with the way its written.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Mulholland wandered down the long dark hallway. It was silent and very cold, its air chilling his lungs as he breathed. He did not want to be here on this ghost ship, this KMS Thermopylae. It was too lonely here, on this spaceship from nowhere.
That's a pretty catchy start. Definitely a great place to be starting things off.
“Apologies, Mr. Mulholland. I am simply not allowed to let crewmen wander around the ship. Though you are not crew, and these are not normal circumstances, my programming still compels me.”
This AI has succesfully managed to creep me out by this point.
“The people who would have proper authorization haven’t even been born yet. This thing hasn’t even been thought up. Therefore, in light of those circumstances, I feel compelled to tell you to let me access the logs.”
There were a few moments of silence as the futuristic AI contemplated this. “Very well, Mr. Mulholland.”
Okay that seems like a very self aware computer to actually be able to respond against its code like that unless this is all part of a pre programmed defense mechanism that will eventually badly for the human.
There was a disorientating flash of bright light. Mulholland stumbled about for a moment. He shook his head, regained his footing, and took a look around. His surroundings were different. Rows and rows of computer banks stretched on down a hallway lit with red light.
“What was that?” Mulholland asked.
“I utilized the Thermopylae’s internal teleportation system to transport you to the ship’s computer banks,” Oni stated.
Well...that's definitely a pretty cool system although I would expect the AI to explain this before the teleportation happened because this a computer and those are not programmed to give cinematic scares like this.
Mulholland, Creasey, and Werner had been sent up in the first shuttle that could be prepped. They had managed to find a docking bay in the mammoth ship, but had soon become separated after entering its labyrinth passageways. Mulholland had managed to activate Oni, the ship’s artificial intelligence. So far, Oni had been very helpful. It claimed that his activation date was the year 2752, and that the Thermopylae was a top of the line battleship. It had not divulged anything else, citing a possible fear of disrupting the time-space continuum, though it had said that it could not locate Creasey or Werner. It also did not know what had caused the Thermopylae to be flung so far back into the past, though it suspected a black ops project by a shadow organization in its future to be a probably factor.
Slight info dump here. As long as this is the only place it might be overlookable but usually your really must avoid large chunks like this which take you out of the main story and therefore break the overall flow and make it hard to understand what's really going on.
The AI quietly complied. Text began to appear on the screen. Mulholland skimmed it over, leaning forward intently. This was the first entry, detailing the Thermopylae’s maiden voyage. It had traveled to Tau Ceti IV, then to Alpha Centauri, then to a Lunar Dock, where it awaited new orders. The logs did not state that this was anything extraordinary.
“How many voyages did the Thermopylae make?” Mulholland asked.
“Seven in all. Four combat missions, two travelogues, and one relief effort. We were on the second travelogue at the last recorded entry. Would you like me to bring that up for you?”
That all sounds pretty reasonable so far.
“Hello. Call me Ishmael. I am from the year 2752, as you undoubtedly already know. This is a prerecorded message, programmed to appear whenever someone searched for mention of the Thermopylae before its activation date.
Well that took a predictable turn.
“No doubt you did so because you hoped to discern if what is happening here will affect the timeline. I can assure you it will not. Already our technology is erasing any mention of this incident from your records, and causing bouts of memory loss in all key personnel. This will not be remembered.
Not sure how that can happen. A bit too much of "any sufficiently advanced technology is magic". This is just straight up magic.
“The infestation is spreading. We needed to destroy the Thermopylae. However, we also wished to keep it secret that we had lost a ship to this particular geneticist. So, in our time, the Thermopylae is being repaired in a dry dock that exists only in paperwork. In reality, it is to be destroyed.
Seems like a safe enough containment although why they bother telling this is beyond me. Just wiping memories and that should be it. Why would they need to include all this information and a risk any malfunction of the memory erasing programs and the like?
Mulholland’s eyes were wide. “Oni!” he called out. But the AI did not answer. Instead, a generic computer voice only stated, “Thirty seconds till impact with the solar atmosphere.”
Thirty seconds away from the sun you will already be a melted blob unless this ship can travel at superluminal speeds which I doubt.
Things were getting very hot. Mulholland bowed his head and began to pray as fast as he could. Something began to play over the loudspeakers.
“Amazing grace,
How sweet the sound.”
Well that's a pretty sad end to this one but at least it is a responsible decision so I can respect that.
Aaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: So overall this was a pretty darn well written story. It has a pretty simple plot and a rather deep message. Its telling quite a few things to its readers and its definitely a nice story to read. The pacing is done really well the dialogue is about as realistic as such a situation can be. The emotion as limited as it is by the length of this is fairly distinguishable and that's also a great thing.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254288
Reviews: 4103
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