Published June 4, 2014
The frozen night air hit like a train out of hell.
as pale white cherry tree blooms drift apart towards ice floors,
moon illuminating
casting
fair virgin skin with a now blue tone,
ebony fingers clutching thin jacked black iced lips gushing steam.
soon
to share the same fate as the cherry blooms.
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
I really like the eerie tone this poem has, it's very somber, almost scary. I'm actually very curious as to the real-life events that inspired you to write this.
:):):):)
I love the last line," to share the same fate as the cherry blooms." But if I were you ( but i'm not and you totally don't have to do this if you don't want to) I would change the word blooms, to blossoms. It's a minor detail, I know, but I really think it would make it sound TEN TIMES MORE AWESOME!!
Well, if you decide to do that, cool, but if you don't , it's no biggie. Well I hope to be reading more of you work soon!! Keep up the good work!!!
Hello Caroline, I got the idea from the time a ran away, in winter...lol! I'm so glad I am not that stupid anymore hehe.
why didn't I think of blossoms! That would have made it much better!
Thanks for the great review!
No problem!! Glad I could help!!!
Your punctuation seems a bit random, making me feel like I'm being cut off in a few lines. But other than that, I enjoy that first line, and the second, and.... When you speak of cherry blooms, are you talking about how the cherry blossoms are only blossoms for so long and die? Or is that just some lie the internet told me...
This is beautiful! I don't do poetry so I can't help you with anything to poetry like. But I loved the last line. It was beautifully well written! The poem as a whole was very descriptive and captivating! I congratulate you on making this amazing writing piece!
Thank you Emma! I try!
You 're the first comment I have ever gotten on this site that doesn't have any nitpicks! Ur amazing!
Aww shucks. It was nothing!