Mirror of Longing…(based on the Alchemy of Souls)

by Coffeewriter

Hi y’all I wanted to write another poem about the Alchemy of Souls haha. Some required info because most of you won’t know this drama and you’ll just get confused.
The Alchemy of Souls is a Korean drama, that I am currrently obsessed with and this scene is the scene where Mu-deok, living with the shifted soul of Naksu the Blood Assasin, has been dragged into a rather complicated matter and found herself in Jinwoyon (a place filled with dangerous relics) and gets sucked into the Mirror of Longing. Jang Uk is her ‘master’ and she is his ‘maid’ but in reality he knows she is a soul shifter (she has swapped souls with a blind girl-Mu-deok) and they are in a deal. In truth, Mu-deok or Naksu shall I say is his Master and Jang Uk is her pupil. Oh and they potentially have feelings for each other<3

P.S(My work was deleted I don’t know why so I had to make it again and I lost my best work!!!!! T T)

Hope you enjoy~ T T

My fingers grazed against the smooth, obsidian black jade in front of me

My eyebrows furrowed as I saw myself in the mirror, she wasn’t me though

She smiled at me menacingly, I stared almost entranced and as soon as I touched it, I didn’t realise the warning signs

Before I could register the action, I was pulled through

all around me
Each filled with my reflection but it wasn’t me. Just an illusion

Or was it?

What was this place I had no idea

I began to panick slightly but I maintained my cool

How was I able to even get in?

Weren’t the members of the Jin family the only ones who were granted access? Magically?

Was..this girl- no. It wouldn’t be possible

I searched for a way out. I banged against the glass helplessly. I ~~hated~~ that feeling.

I was feeling helpless a lot these days. How charming.
I began to loose hope, even if I died here, or remained stuck here no one would care after all

To the world, Naksu was a hated soul and she was dead. The fact that I am alive does not change anything. Eventually, like all soul shifters, I will be petrified

Even if Jang Uk does not wish for that

Did he find out where I am?
Psh, he probably heard about Jin Cho-yeon and how she framed me. No one would believe such a lie.
I banged again in annoyance and my hand seemed to scream in indignation.

I had to get out.
My pupil needs me.

Laughing. Voices laughing, high-pitched screams of laughter, pure joy at my misery. I gritted my teeth.

A voice, Jang Uk. Jang Uk?

He yelled at me, trying to break into the mirror and his voice was filled with concern. Hmm, how considerate my pupil is.

Shame he is stuck with a master who foolishly gets stuck in an ancient relic

I placed my hand against the mirror and it started to crack within a few minutes of hopelessness

A bright light shine out

My powers? This place must be a boost of energy…

Jang Uk…

Comments

[ Follow ]

Points: 80639
Reviews: 388

Donate

Wed Sep 18, 2024 6:32 pm

View Likes

RavenAkuma wrote a review...

Hello, My Friend!

What an awesome piece! Even for those who aren't familiar with your source material (like myself lol), it covers a fascinating theme and sequence, and I absolutely love the imagery. You can feel the sense of possession, the lack of control, the deep reflection in the internal monologue, so greatly embodied by the theme of mirrors. Very cool!!!

*ahem* as for a more technical review, well...I saw your comment about struggles to edit your work and knowing there are some typos, so I think it'd be unfair of me to say anything there. It would only be minor nitpicks anyway so no big deal lol.

And for favorite moments and lines, oh my gosh, where to start?! I love the way you typed this out...

Before I could register the action, I was pulled through

M

I

R

R

O

R

S

all around me

(Well I guess the effect won't transfer in quote form but I'm sure you know what I'm referencing XD) Just the layout is SO cool to me and made this piece feel unique, with an eerie edge to the sudden change in setting.

I also loved the references to Naksu being a hated soul in the world, Jang Uk's voice of concern, even the narrator thinking she will be forgotten and uncared for. It all feels so rich with lore and has me curious about these characters and their relationship to each other! Again, I know nothing about the source material, but it feels like you managed to channel so much of the story into this and I love it when any sort of fanfiction can nail that down.

Overall, this was awesome! Nicely done!

Coffeewriter says...

Thank you so much Raven! Your review really made me smile so glad you liked it!!! I might post a %u201Cshort%u201D description of AoS on my page so read if yu see!!

RavenAkuma says...

No problem!

And good to know!

AkiraEliza says...

heheeee this is the friend I told you about. she gives awesome reviews!

RavenAkuma says...

Aw shucks, thanks Akira ^^

Coffeewriter says...

Ohhhhh that is so cool!! Thanks for reviewing again then~

AkiraEliza says...

dude get your ass to bed it is ten o clock! you wont be able to do well on that test tomorrow if you stay up! but no problem ^^

Coffeewriter says...

Hahaha awww<333 I got full marks on my mini French test dw x

[ Follow ]

Points: 5221
Reviews: 60

Donate

Wed Sep 18, 2024 5:54 pm

View Likes

AkiraEliza wrote a review...

im just going to be honest and say not only do i have no idea whats going on, but im in a a bitchy mood and you're my personal friend so im going to be bitchy and joke with you you know its all harmless though!
i dont even have to read it to know that this is a long ass introduction. this is probably why people have been avoiding it.
also, only one hundred and fifty people are active. I'm sure only about ten of them know about this korean drama. so heads up, thats why its in the green room.
I'm not going to go much into detail about the poem because I don't know Jack **** about it, but the grammar seems okay. so the main character seems kinda trapped. I don't really like mirrors for that kind of reason. kind of like how you have to face yourself.
well Junk Uk is an idiot and so is the master who got stuck in the relic thingy :< im curious how he managed that. think you could tell me the plot line to this? this seems to be about the middle of a series.
have a good day!

Coffeewriter says...

Akira I died laughing omds haha. I will gladly tell yu stuff about it just do not get bored lol I am warning yu I could talk about dramas for hours straight lol. Jang Uk is a lil dumb lolll but
1.He was not there/near her when she was trapped lol
2.He is basically powerless so he could not do much if he knew but he did free her soooo yh.
Tysm for ur comment, I tried to make it so that it would be interesting for people who have not seen it too but guess it didn%u2019t work lol!

AkiraEliza says...

haha yeah! and I do try to be funny sometimes. most people consider it rude (effin pricks) sooo yeah glad you found it funny. and I've never been a big fan of sci-fi but I'd be willing to give it a try.

Coffeewriter says...

Eh? Yknow I don%u2019t think this is sci-fi[forgive me if I%u2019m being dumb, I am a bit slow]?

[ Follow ]

Points: 27013
Reviews: 272

Donate

Tue Sep 03, 2024 2:04 am

View Likes

Spearmint wrote a review...

Heyyyyy Coffee!! It's mint, dusting off her reviewing skills in time for RevMo I did actually watch the first season of Alchemy of Souls, so it's cool that I knew the background of the characters while reading this! I remembered the mirror scene too =P

Overall, I found it neat that your piece expanded on Naksu's thoughts during that scene! The formatting of the piece, such as with the "M I R R O R S" falling down multiple lines and with the italics, was also quite thoughtful.

This section also really felt like Naksu's voice:

Hmm, how considerate my pupil is.

Shame he is stuck with a master who foolishly gets stuck in an ancient relic

I could imagine her internal voice saying that and her exact expression. Nice work!

Alright, on to some specifics~

My eyebrows furrowed as I saw myself in the mirror, she wasn’t me though

Here, a period would probably be more accurate than a comma, in terms of grammar. I know poems don't need to adhere as strictly to grammar rules, but I think the comma does make it feel a little awkward since commas usually connect related parts of a sentence. Here, the two parts feel distinct and like they should be their own sentences, if that makes sense ^^

She smiled at me menacingly, I stared almost entranced and as soon as I touched it, I didn’t realise the warning signs

Same with the first comma here!

M

I

R

R

O

R

S

all around me

As I mentioned, I really like the formatting of this section! (It's probably messed up in my review, though, RIP.) The way the word falls down through multiple lines gives the piece a feeling of action and movement, just like how Naksu literally falls/is pulled into the mirror.

Or was it?

First off, "Or was it?" is a great line-- it emphasizes her uncertainty about everything and how she can't even be certain that it's an illusion. However, I think the lines after it could benefit from a bit more showing instead of telling. What does panicking look like for Naksu? Do her breaths come faster? Does her gaze dart around, glancing at each of the mirrors? A lot of the power of poetry comes from vivid descriptions! :>

Weren’t the members of the Jin family the only ones who were granted access? Magically?

Was..this girl- no. It wouldn’t be possible

Ahaha a good bit of foreshadowing here~

I was feeling helpless a lot these days. How charming.

I like how "charming" was in bold. I can imagine the tone of disgust and frustration she thinks that in.

I began to loose hope, even if I died here, or remained stuck here no one would care after all

"loose" should be "lose", and the first comma is an example of a comma splice. That's when you connect two independent clauses with a comma, when they should actually be connected with a period or a semicolon. Both "I began to lose hope" and "Even if I died here, or remained stuck here, no one would care after all" can exist on their own as separate sentences, so they should be separated by a period or a semicolon c: English has a lot of weird comma rules that I grumble about, but following them does help make pieces look more polished ^^'

I had to get out.
My pupil needs me.

Ahh, what a great turning point! And it shows how much she cares for Jang Uk! C:

A bright light shine out

Looks like the rest of the poem is in past tense... did you mean "shone" out?

Jang Uk…

!!! I can imagine the scene in my head right here. Perfect place to end :]

Overall, good work with this piece! The cover art is also super neat :> I hope you keep writing, and have a wonderful day/night!

P.S. You mentioned your work was deleted... Sorry about that! YWS likes to eat literary works sometimes

If you lost points because of that, just let me know and I can use some modly powers to get them back for you! ^^

Coffeewriter says...

Thank you so much for the review and I definitely understand your points! Yayyy, so excited you watched it! I%u2019m around on ep.11 so it%u2019s full of anticipation now!
I noticed I made many typos but as I mentioned in my comment, I can%u2019t seem to edit it, all my work isn%u2019t visible!

Spearmint says...

Oooh have fun watching the rest of it!! :> And OOPS, I just read your comment! Gotcha XD

Coffeewriter says...

Haha thank you! No problem <3

[ Follow ]

Points: 10082
Reviews: 94

Donate

Mon Sep 02, 2024 5:41 pm

View Likes

Coffeewriter says...

I made around one mistake around here

“ A bright light shine out “

I meant

A bright light shines out

But for some reason, when I try to edit my work it doesn’t show me all my writing so please remember this!<3

Young Writers Society

Mirror of Longing…(based on the Alchemy of Souls)

Comments

About the Author

Share This

Related Items

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources