Walking away, further and further.
No distance, no plan, no anything
Just here, Just now
Running away, further and further.
Distance, plan, everything
Get there, Right now
Standing still…
Distance, plan, everything
Nothing here, Nothing now
Falling down, further and further.
Nothing, nothing, nothing
Almost there…
The end
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Well thanks for you all's feedback.
The end was put at the end meaning to end the poem in a disrupting in. Life ends unexpectedly, that's how I wanted this end. As for the "Distance, plan, everything." It's the stage of production at that time. The poem is meant to be vague for those who read poetry faithfully and like to create their on interpretations. As for those who don't understand it's concept then I do apologize. Poetry isn't meant to mean anything to anybody but the person writing it. That's why it is the most used form of self-expression for writers.
Look forward to reading reviews on my next post.
Thanks again
Hello, Cns! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...
I think that this poem is a great point of view on reality. It really strains one's mind to understand the concept behind this and that's what so cool about it. It's really hard to write a piece like this, I must say. You can grasp different meanings from this poem. Some people may think that it is about a person who has lost meaning in life and then some one else may say that our lives are just an illusion and we really don't know what we are doing.
Some things that I wanted to say about this poem is that I didn't like the "the end" at the end, one bit. It really just ruined the whole entire thing. It's like ending a really good story with 'and they all died'. It just doesn't work that way. We all know that it ended so why did you have to let us know again that the story has ended? That really confuses me why you had to put that The End at the end. XD
I wish you had organized this into two stanzas. That could have represented two layers of getting lost into what they think is reality. That one space between the stanzas could make a huge difference to the whole poem.
One pet peeve of mine is when people use the row of 3 dots. Why do you need those? They aren't really helping to create the desired effect so why are you using them? They make the reader stop and not the good type of stop. In my opinion, you should get rid of them
Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant
i dont understand how the title relates..
I like how this reminds me of Roxas from Kingdom Hearts.
How he was lost and he had no idea who he was. I like the way this poem started, it caught my attention.
At first it started out with no distance, no plan, no anything. Then it changed into distance, plan, everything which is repeated twice into the poem. How does it change so suddenly? You need to make it flow more, make it make more sense.
Overall, this was good and it so reminded me of Roxas.
Hello CapitalMonday, the bird in the trees ready to sing a review for you! First off, I would like to say is that the idea of this poem is showing that dreams that the reader can have are just a reality but when the reality tries to surface, and break the dreams, all you feel is sadness and regret. As the you continue to dream for that one person to be here, you ponder daily why they even left in the first place and now you want to go after them but then you remember that you are in a dream and reality is lurking outside your door.
The dreams of wanting to be with the person, are inside your head but as you let go of that dream, the reality check comes in and says you can't go after that person but you don't listen and you go to the person. You have no idea what to say to them or how they might act but you don't care... you need to see them..
Hope you like it (if this makes no sense what-so-ever, just message me)
CapitalMonday
Very interesting view on reality in general. But a little veg. Keep writing!
My apologies, it posted twice for some reason.
This is really quite good. It's really devoid of emotion, which generally isn't a good thing, but this is the whole point of the poem. I love its portrayal of life in such cold, hard terms, and I think your choice of title was perfect.
However, if I were you, I wouldn't capitalize anything except at the beginning of the lines. It makes it look weird and doesn't quite fit, in my opinion.
So don't capitalize the second part of these:
You could also pick and choose what to capitalize at the beginning of lines, but I like it as it is. Having every line capitalized, which often causes problems for more emotional poems, fits the dry, hard nature of this poem really well.
The one other thing I would say is that it's just a tad too vague. Sometimes it's hard to tell what you mean, like with how you repeat "distance, plan, everything" twice - I really don't quite get that. Other times, though it works well, like with "Get there, right now."
Overall, this is a pretty cool poem that uses a lot of "newbie mistakes" (capitalizing each line, being vague, etc.) on purpose and to its benefit. Good job!
Really nice. It was nice. I didn't really understand it very well. I felt like you used some words a little too much. When I looked at description, I got excited. I really like your description better than the poem. Sorry, that's just how I feel. Anyway, I didn't see any mistakes which is good. Keep writing though.
Hope.