Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Narrative

18+ Language Mature Content

Too Much Blank Space, Not Enough Vomit - 1.A - Supernova

by Squid


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

Four years have passed and you're still fucking breaking my heart. You're still tearing my skin from the inside. I'm still dreaming of you and waking up thinking you're there. 

Is this what love is? Or is it just another piece of my self destruction?

In a quest to forget you I have thrown myself into everything I can that has saved me again and again; the writing and the creativity and the impromptu dissections of who I'm supposed to be

Without you I am nothing but a crumbled piece of toast bitten into and forgotten on the floor and not even the flies will touch me because I am

poison. Poison, venom leaking from my pores and infecting everyone around me like I am the modern plague and it's all they can live tweet about. It's so popular it has a Twitter moment - the demise of my eyes, light fading like turned off headlights of the car I want to wrap around a tree and then maybe I’ll see

in the darkness that I am nothing more than a dying star and you have always been my salvation. 

You

have always been my definition of a super nova, warp speed to godspeed to goodbyes, I am nothing without the one who holds me up,

like the pedestal to my statue all I wanted was to devalue you and maybe at the end it's not the cheating or the heartbreak or the commitment I'm afraid of.

Maybe it's just me, broken and alone on a twin mattress on the floor. You have taken chunks from me but in between the marks from your teeth there are promises and muffled screams and cycles of broken sobriety and maybe you were just the drug before the drugs, something to numb my pain, and

now without you and without the heroin all i can do is pick apart my brain

to avoid putting a bullet in it.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
445 Reviews


Points: 15700
Reviews: 445

Donate
Sun May 26, 2019 4:21 pm
Liebensteiner wrote a review...



Hey LordStar!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review to this chapter! Alright, let's get started.

So I like the words you've used here. And the structure you've used for this chapter is also quite different; I've never seen anything, and by anything, I mean anything at all, like this. It's very nice, and I love it. You've described everything well and good. It's great, and I love it! Just hold on a sec, though. There was just one thing that I'd like to point out.

now without you and without the heroin all i can do is pick apart my brain


You see the bold word? Well, I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be capitalized. Anyhoo. That's it. I really liked reading your piece and I very much enjoyed reviewing it. :D I hope to see much more from you in the future, my dear friend.

Happy Review Day!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




User avatar
364 Reviews


Points: 15980
Reviews: 364

Donate
Mon Aug 13, 2018 11:55 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



A'ight! Time to beat Querencia by reviewing a lot (though they haven't reviewed since July) and your piece is on my list (obviously, lol, I asked for it)

First of all, honey, whoever they were, they're not worth it. They're not. ;-; Sorry if that's offensive. The caffeine that I just had is getting into my head lmao

So of course, this review also might not be super uuu easy to understand sometimes. Caffeine does very strange things to my brain :/

So this is about drugs and things, right? And maybe about a person that, when they left, had you start doing drugs? People suck, by the by, Jace. They're not worth it :P It's quite confusing underneath all of the screaming and drugs and broken things and chunks and gore~ (:D yay i love me some gore unless it's self stabbing) and everything.

Dang, I don't really know how to approach this any other way because wow, this is just raw ramblings from a serious screwed-up dude... no offence Jace. Glad that you're getting better, though! :D

I don't think that there's much to pick at this, since I'm not very good at reacting to things this deep and stuff. I think that my only big thing is that it's flowy in some places where it could be choppy. I don't say this very often, but I think that this should be even more choppy than you have made it, to really enhance the chaoticness (if that's a word) of the piece.

The reviewer down below also covered everything else that I was going to say, so I guess that's it... sorry it's so short!

Have a fantabulous day!

this review was brought to you by zaminami, goddess of all and queen of the underworld

{insert non-existent banner here}




Random avatar

Points: 360
Reviews: 5

Donate
Wed Aug 08, 2018 9:49 am
gloriana wrote a review...



@Cloudkid,

First of all, woah. Not only did I find your poem "Supernova" fiercely consuming, but the self-denigrating imagery alone is enough to make one recoil in disbelief and awe.

I loved how chaotic each stanza was, each time saying something new. However what I failed to understand was your twitter reference in comparison to a modern plague.
"like I am the modern plague and it's all they can live tweet about. It's so popular it has a Twitter moment"
What did you mean by this?

When you compared the unnamed subject of the poem to a drug, it felt as if, whoever they were, took something from you but simultaneously gave you life. This depiction of a toxic connection and the "impromptu dissections of who you're supposed to be", are my favorite parts of the poem as they are almost like snapshot's of the narrator's pain. (very dramatic!)

I know this isn't much of a review, but hey. I very much enjoyed reading it and writing this, and wish you the best of luck on any poems to come!

Gloriana





"While we may come from different places and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one."
— Albus Dumbledore