I said I wouldn't call you, for two days or three,
But this is destroying me... Oh can't you see?
I cant keep my food down, I feel constantly sick,
Please won't you talk to me, and make it quick,
The headaches are starting, 'Cos I'm getting no sleep,
Soon enough, I'll be on the floor in a heap,
My head is saying, " Girl, get a grip!"
But my heart just feels like a sinking ship,
It's our anniversary today,One year and two months,
Maybe I should text you, just this once,
How the hell am I supposed to go on,
You're not here babe, you're gone...you're gone,
Just one day or two, left to go, I have to do this, I have to show,
That the torture was worth it, shall I tell you why?
Because I'd do anything to avoid good-bye,
You crossed your heart, and swore you wouldn't leave,
We can fix this, you just have to believe,
I love you more than you'll ever know,
The words from our song, I just had to borrow,
To remind you that no matter what,
All that we've shared cannot be forgot',
I cant express what you mean to me,
There just aren't enough words in the dictionary,
So, come back home, we can work this out,
I promise you, I will not shout,
Give our love a fighting chance,
Let us revive our lost romance.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Oh my god, this poem is amazing! I can totally relate to the message of your poem since I experience heartbreak and I really wanted the guy back. I love how you describe the narrator's endless love for her ex. To be honest, I don't really like rhyming poems because there so annoying to write and boring to read. But you used rhyming to help enhance the poem for the reader. I hope you're not going through this. Keep on writing!
I love it! Normally, when I'm reading a rhyming poem it sounds really cheesy to me, but I actually liked it a lot in this one.
After you say, "...in a heap," I think that instead of a comma there should be a period because you switch topics. The same goes for a lot of the other couplets, and maybe you should break some of it into stanzas...?
Really, though, those are just nitpicks and I thoroughly enjoyed your work. I can't wait to read more of your poems!
Ok thankyou for the advice. Some of this was mentioned below so its defo something I'll look into. But overall I'm glad you liked it. Cheers again x
This poem has many feels. I love how its so deep and real, I hope you write more like this. You have a lot of talent.
Thankyou hunnii, that's means alot. xx
Hey! Tigerlilly here for a review!
As you requested, I came to read this immediately. You are an excellent writer! Anyways, this is really sad. I really hope you arent going through this
It was really good, and I liked it a lot. I do think it could possibly be modified to be a bit better. I think that the things that I am finding fault with is the structure of the poem. For the most part, you did really well. I just think that you could break them into a few stanzas, and possibly modify your rhyming a bit, because sometimes it just doesn't work out quite right. Either way, its a lovely piece! Good job!
Thankyou, I'll keep that in mind. Rhyming poems aren't really my thing tbh, they give me a headache lol but I thought I'd give it a try anyway. Thanks for your time. xx