Young Writers Society

The only thing I would do is separate the emails with more space in between so that it's easier to follow. Even if you put a dashed line between them, that would make it a little less confusing. And you don't need to put a whole line of separation between the date and the subject and the recipient. I loved the originality of it. So here's what I was talking about with the spaces...

Mon, 11:37 AM 21 Jan.

Subject: Hungry

To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com

Dear doctor,

these past few days I have been particularly hungry. The full moon is Wednesday, and all my friends are going out to party. I want to join them, but fear there may be consequences. Any moral advice would be appreciated, I'll pay for it this Friday.

-Baxter.

Mon, 2:36 PM 21 Jan.

Subject: RE: Hungry

To: Charlezbxtr@amol.com

Dear Charles,

How many times have I asked you to call me Craig? It doesn't matter. Too many. What you're feeling right now is a normal part of being what you are. Remember, if your friends are tempting you with the forbidden, just refuse. Or better yet, stop letting them be around you. I know that seems hard, but it is a worthy step to being cured.

If you still wish to be around them, feel free to give them my card.

lol

- Craig Dresden

Tues, 6:35 AM 22 Jan.

Subject: RE: RE: Hungry

To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com

Dear doctor,

Thank you for your swift response. Many of them are good influences on me, but some of them, when the full-moon comes, they turn into animals.

Pun intended.

Anyway, I do plan on going. Thanks anyway!

-Charles

Hi.

This short work was thoroughly entertaining and inventive.
The format in which it was written made it easy and faster to read. You also apply your style to a modern, young reader - exactly the sort of people who use this site.
I like the honest characterisation and the humour that follows.
I think you have played on some cliches and turned them around so that you make the work your own.
Well done.

Lol.

Timmy here!

Um, wow. This is probably the most original and unique piece I have seen on YWS in a long, long while. I enjoyed their conversations throughout the entire thing, and loved the attention to detail you gave everything - even changing the subject and adding the Re: to the subject as the email conversations went on. AND THE SUBJECT YOU CHOSE I'm sorry, but what you wrote this about was simply amazing. I love, love, love that you went and did the whole werewolf and going out at midnight, making it seem as though they want to lose themselves (unlike the Harry Potter version we all know about), and the human meat (><), and the vampires? This is a fantasy wonderland you've concocted here in a simple email chain, and you did a wonderful job putting this together.

There's a reason why I liked this piece a few days ago. ^^ It's very good. Now let's see if I can find anything to talk about in the review - you know, like critique and stuff? From what I see right now, I can give you a few pointers on punctuation and formatting, but other than that.... This is hard.

Mon, 11:37 AM 21 Jan.

Dear doctor

Anyway, I do plan on going. Thanks anyway!

Thurs, 1:56 AM 24 Jan.

They all understood and didn't offer me any. (I have pretty cool friends)

It's why us therapists have regenerative powers.

Hello!
Not really sure if this should count as a review or not, because I really only have praise, haha. This was very creative and charming. I loved it! I'm not much of a fan of the supernatural, but this had me excited to read the next line. The format isn't really something we see everyday, and sometimes it got a bit mixed up for me since there isn't much between messages to separate them, but it still intrigues us nonetheless.
The part where he apologizes for biting his leg off had me laughing. The part where the therapist replies with, 'And the leg thing is totally fine, this job comes with those sort of risks. It's why us therapists have regenerative powers,' had me really cracking up. Makes me wonder how you came up with this, haha!

Great work! I can't wait to read more pieces as equally as wonderful as this!

~Owl

This was super amazing. 'Getting your leg bit off comes with thease sort of risk.' And 'Its why us therpist have regentive powers' Lololol! Really good work. Super funny, and I accualy have a therpist, so I undersrand where this peice is comthing from. And yes, werewolfs are cool.

If you please excuse me i must now die from laughter. This was amazing and humorous at the same time. If werewolves have therapist you would make a great doc

Hi!!

This isn't exactly a review, but, there isn't much to review...But!! ALAS, thats good!

Also, its in email form so it really doesn't matter what grammar or spelling corrections I have because they wouldn't matter. This is emails. Doesn't matter whether you say 'lol' or laugh out loud. It would sound too staged, too set up.

Also, great job!! I really liked reading this. The only thing that I have a question about is:

Did Charles the werewolf change to another email in the middle of this?

Also, I DO get the ending. I did the first time I read this. This is truly funny. If you can make a reader like me laugh....then you OBVIOUSLY have skill. ;P

Great job!!

Keep writing!!,
~Tiff

Wow, great work! This story is really interesting. I like the idea that werewolves visit doctors too. I agree with Sarah on the LOL and capitalization, and also, the last part in parentheses is a sort of confusing. Besides that, though, I really can't correct anything! I can't wait to see if Dr. Craig gets any other patients.

Hi, its Sarah here to review. I'm glad you've finally posted!

I'll start with capitalization.
"last night didn't go as planned."- Make sure you capitalize the first words of sentences. Especially if its the first sentence of a paragraph. I do this too.

Also, you are inconsistent with your capitalization of "doctor." As in, "Dear Doctor." It doesn't really matter if you have it capitalized or uncapitalized, I've seen it both ways, but its a little distracting if it isn't consistent.

One last thing:
"lol" in your first email from the doctor. The doctor is supposed to be a professional, yes? So, imagine being the doctor and saying lol to one of your patients. Not real professional. I think it could do with it. Other than that, it looks great!

I love your writing! Can't wait to hear more!

XD Oh my gosh. When I saw the title, I was like, "Oh, this is gonna be good." Then I read it and found that it was even more amazing then I'd anticipated!
I love that all of these characters are mythical creatures just having normal jobs and talking about other monsters and transformations and making wolf-related puns like it's all totally normal for them.
The dialogue is what makes it perfect. It's so realistic. "I have a boss named Craig" and such.
And I learned something new. Even though I was already aware that therapists like to do that annoying thing where they ask you to call them by their first name, and apparently even sea-sponge-like regenerating ones are no exception. XD
Congrats on the Spotlight, friend! This totally deserves it.

Hey there! I know you asked me to review this, but honestly... after looking at it and reading through it several times, I wouldn't change a single thing. I hope some other reviewers will be able to help you more than I.

Thanks for writing this! It's great. ^^

This was everything I'd hoped it be and more.
10/10 best piece ever.

This was awesome! It's a cute, comical read that made me smile!

*laughs hysterically* That^ was sooo funny !!!!!
I love it!!!! MORE????? .-.