~624 words.
Mon, 11:37 AM 21 Jan.
Subject: Hungry
To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com
Dear doctor,
these past few days I have been particularly hungry. The full moon is Wednesday, and all my friends are going out to party. I want to join them, but fear there may be consequences. Any moral advice would be appreciated, I'll pay for it this Friday.
-Baxter.
Mon, 2:36 PM 21 Jan.
Subject: RE: Hungry
To: Charlezbxtr@amol.com
Dear Charles,
How many times have I asked you to call me Craig? It doesn't matter. Too many. What you're feeling right now is a normal part of being what you are. Remember, if your friends are tempting you with the forbidden, just refuse. Or better yet, stop letting them be around you. I know that seems hard, but it is a worthy step to being cured.
If you still wish to be around them, feel free to give them my card.
lol
- Craig Dresden
Tues, 6:35 AM 22 Jan.
Subject: RE: RE: Hungry
To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com
Dear doctor,
Thank you for your swift response. Many of them are good influences on me, but some of them, when the full-moon comes, they turn into animals.
Pun intended.
Anyway, I do plan on going. Thanks anyway!
-Charles
Tues, 9:52 AM 22 Jan.
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Hungry
To: CharlezBxtr@amol.com
Well, I hope it goes well. When's this party again?
Tues. 8:52 AM 22 Jan.
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hungry
To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com
Dear Doctor,
The party is Wednesday, it starts about nine and is supposed to run till four. I took Thursday off work just to make sure I had time.
-Charles
Wed, 5:36 AM 23 Jan.
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hungry
To: Charlezbxtr@amol.com
Well, good luck to ya'. Again, call me Craig.
Wed, 5:37 AM 23 Jan.
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hungry
To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com
Dear Doctor,
I won't call you Craig. My boss's name is Craig and I don't want you two confused.
I'm looking forward to the party.
-Charles
Thurs, 1:56 AM 24 Jan.
Subject: Oh, no. Need appointment.
To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com
Dear Doctor,
last night didn't go as planned. I explained to all my friends that I couldn't have any human, as I was trying to get better. They all understood and didn't offer me any. (I have pretty cool friends) but there was this pack of coyotes that started eating our meat, and everyone but me was so full they didn't care, but I cared. I couldn't let the lousy animals have something so delicious. So I had some for myself.
I need an appointment. Now. As soon as possible. I know you're all booked up but I would really appreciate if you could make some time.
Thurs, 7:36 AM 24 Jan.
Subject: RE: Oh, no. Need appointment.
To: Charlezbxtr@amol.com
Dear Charles,
You're right about me being booked solid, but a vampire was kind enough to give up his spot at around 2:30. Does that sound good?
(And do you still want to schedule for tomorrow?)
Your loving therapist
-Craig Dresden
Fri, 7:38 AM 25 Jan.
Subject: You're the best :)
To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com
Dear Doctor,
Thank you so much for yesterday's appointment. Yes, I would like to schedule for today.
And, um, sorry for biting your leg off. Didn't mean to do that. *blushes*
Fri 8:03 AM 25 Jan.
Subject: RE: You're the best :)
To: Charlezbxtr@amol.com
Thanks for letting me know in advance!
And the leg thing is totally fine, this job comes with those sort of risks. It's why us therapists have regenerative powers.
See you soon! (And you might see little Craig Jr. walking around. The awesome parts of having those aforementioned powers. Employees that don't need pay!)
- Craig Dresden Sr.
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139,476 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
The only thing I would do is separate the emails with more space in between so that it's easier to follow. Even if you put a dashed line between them, that would make it a little less confusing. And you don't need to put a whole line of separation between the date and the subject and the recipient. I loved the originality of it. So here's what I was talking about with the spaces...
It'd be easier to read if it looked more like this...
Mon, 11:37 AM 21 Jan.
Subject: Hungry
To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com
Dear doctor,
these past few days I have been particularly hungry. The full moon is Wednesday, and all my friends are going out to party. I want to join them, but fear there may be consequences. Any moral advice would be appreciated, I'll pay for it this Friday.
-Baxter.
Mon, 2:36 PM 21 Jan.
Subject: RE: Hungry
To: Charlezbxtr@amol.com
Dear Charles,
How many times have I asked you to call me Craig? It doesn't matter. Too many. What you're feeling right now is a normal part of being what you are. Remember, if your friends are tempting you with the forbidden, just refuse. Or better yet, stop letting them be around you. I know that seems hard, but it is a worthy step to being cured.
If you still wish to be around them, feel free to give them my card.
lol
- Craig Dresden
Tues, 6:35 AM 22 Jan.
Subject: RE: RE: Hungry
To: CraigDresden@mnstrthrpy.com
Dear doctor,
Thank you for your swift response. Many of them are good influences on me, but some of them, when the full-moon comes, they turn into animals.
Pun intended.
Anyway, I do plan on going. Thanks anyway!
-Charles
Hope that helps some. I do love it though and I hope that there is more where that came from
Hi.
This short work was thoroughly entertaining and inventive.
The format in which it was written made it easy and faster to read. You also apply your style to a modern, young reader - exactly the sort of people who use this site.
I like the honest characterisation and the humour that follows.
I think you have played on some cliches and turned them around so that you make the work your own.
Well done.
Lol.
Timmy here!
Um, wow. This is probably the most original and unique piece I have seen on YWS in a long, long while. I enjoyed their conversations throughout the entire thing, and loved the attention to detail you gave everything - even changing the subject and adding the Re: to the subject as the email conversations went on. AND THE SUBJECT YOU CHOSE I'm sorry, but what you wrote this about was simply amazing. I love, love, love that you went and did the whole werewolf and going out at midnight, making it seem as though they want to lose themselves (unlike the Harry Potter version we all know about), and the human meat (><), and the vampires? This is a fantasy wonderland you've concocted here in a simple email chain, and you did a wonderful job putting this together.
There's a reason why I liked this piece a few days ago. ^^ It's very good. Now let's see if I can find anything to talk about in the review - you know, like critique and stuff? From what I see right now, I can give you a few pointers on punctuation and formatting, but other than that.... This is hard.
bear with meOkay, so when you do the dates, I think it would be better if you put the dates as one says them. In order, more or less. So, Monday, Jan 21st, 11:37 AM might be closer to the mark. I just went and checked my email to make sure I was looking at it properly, and yes. That is at least how live.com does their email. xD It reads nicer, I think.This dear doctor sometimes seems a bit too formal for a kid who is probably just typing this out on his phone (as I do. xD). And it seems a bit odd for him to be repeating that over and over, instead of merely answering the questions and asking new ones. It make sense for Doctor Craig to be using the Dear thing every time, though. Because he's a prooofessional.
Slight redundancy with anyway
Hm. This time doesn't seem right. Charles said earlier in his email to the doctor that the party was going from nine to four in the morning... and here he is, sending an email at two AM, explaining how things went? I think it would be more five or six in the morning - or even later, seeing that he'd probably come home and crash into bed after such a party. c:
So the usage of the parenthesis, as far as I know, cannot be on its own - just outside a sentence, dangling on its own. It must be inside the sentence for which its talking about. In this case, it would work best if you wrote it like this: They all understood... me any (I have pretty cool friends), but... and continuing onwards. I hope that helps to explain what I mean. Sometimes I say things and people are whaaaa?
OF COURSE. Why hadn't I thought of that before? O_o You're so creative. xD
So now I am left with nothing to say. hmph. This piece, while short and to the point in most places, was just the right length to make the perfect short story. Really, this covered just about every aspect a complete short story has to have, and I think I grew to know the characters better here than I have done in shorts so, so much longer (also, you don't need to tell us how long this piece is. The 642 on the top isn't necessary. c:). And I loved your story idea, and you really took it far. And the regenerative power was almost a —.— kind of deal, where it just seemed too bizarre. But it fit so well in with the rest of the story, I found myself loving it's strangeness and your creativity. Oh, and the biting of the leg off and everything associated with it? Brilliant. I loved how you had Charles bite the doctor (although it might have been nice if you'd elaborated a bit on whyyy), and what happened because of it. That's basically my favorite part of the piece.
~Darth Timmyjake
Thanks for the amazing review Timmy! It was super helpful
and full of compliments
I'm glad you liked it!Hello!
Not really sure if this should count as a review or not, because I really only have praise, haha. This was very creative and charming. I loved it! I'm not much of a fan of the supernatural, but this had me excited to read the next line. The format isn't really something we see everyday, and sometimes it got a bit mixed up for me since there isn't much between messages to separate them, but it still intrigues us nonetheless.
The part where he apologizes for biting his leg off had me laughing. The part where the therapist replies with, 'And the leg thing is totally fine, this job comes with those sort of risks. It's why us therapists have regenerative powers,' had me really cracking up. Makes me wonder how you came up with this, haha!
Great work! I can't wait to read more pieces as equally as wonderful as this!
~Owl
Thanks so much! All critiques are appreciated [s]especially praise[/i].
This was super amazing. 'Getting your leg bit off comes with thease sort of risk.' And 'Its why us therpist have regentive powers' Lololol! Really good work. Super funny, and I accualy have a therpist, so I undersrand where this peice is comthing from. And yes, werewolfs are cool.
Thanks!
Thanks!
If you please excuse me i must now die from laughter. This was amazing and humorous at the same time. If werewolves have therapist you would make a great doc
Thanks! :3
Hi!!
This isn't exactly a review, but, there isn't much to review...But!! ALAS, thats good!
Also, its in email form so it really doesn't matter what grammar or spelling corrections I have because they wouldn't matter. This is emails. Doesn't matter whether you say 'lol' or laugh out loud. It would sound too staged, too set up.
Also, great job!! I really liked reading this. The only thing that I have a question about is:
Did Charles the werewolf change to another email in the middle of this?
Also, I DO get the ending. I did the first time I read this. This is truly funny. If you can make a reader like me laugh....then you OBVIOUSLY have skill. ;P
Great job!!
Keep writing!!,
~Tiff
Thanks for commenting! No, Charles never changed his email, at least, I hope not. If he did it's just inconsistency in my writing.
Ok! Thanks for clearing that up!
Wow, great work! This story is really interesting. I like the idea that werewolves visit doctors too. I agree with Sarah on the LOL and capitalization, and also, the last part in parentheses is a sort of confusing. Besides that, though, I really can't correct anything! I can't wait to see if Dr. Craig gets any other patients.
Thanks for the review! I'll just explain some stuff.
I like the LOL, it gives the "Call me Craig" subplot a bit more of a basis as it seems like Craig is trying to let Charles get comfortable talking to him. But, that's me, two people have mentioned it so I might scrap it. Thanks.
And the next thing you talked about (the last part that was in parentheses) might need some explaining. You see, when Charles bit off Craig's legs the Monster Therapists have regeneration powers that, if a piece of them falls off, or is torn off, it will regrow on there body, and if that piece (i.e. Craig's leg) hasn't been eaten, it will become it's own person.
Anyway, thanks for the review! It was super helpful.
Oh, okay. Now that you have explained I think it's actually quite funny! Thanks.
Hi, its Sarah here to review. I'm glad you've finally posted!
I'll start with capitalization.
"last night didn't go as planned."- Make sure you capitalize the first words of sentences. Especially if its the first sentence of a paragraph. I do this too.
Also, you are inconsistent with your capitalization of "doctor." As in, "Dear Doctor." It doesn't really matter if you have it capitalized or uncapitalized, I've seen it both ways, but its a little distracting if it isn't consistent.
One last thing:
"lol" in your first email from the doctor. The doctor is supposed to be a professional, yes? So, imagine being the doctor and saying lol to one of your patients. Not real professional. I think it could do with it. Other than that, it looks great!
I love your writing! Can't wait to hear more!
Hey Sarah! Thanks so much for this review! I'll try to fix those things up!
XD Oh my gosh. When I saw the title, I was like, "Oh, this is gonna be good." Then I read it and found that it was even more amazing then I'd anticipated!
This totally deserves it.
I love that all of these characters are mythical creatures just having normal jobs and talking about other monsters and transformations and making wolf-related puns like it's all totally normal for them.
The dialogue is what makes it perfect. It's so realistic. "I have a boss named Craig" and such.
And I learned something new. Even though I was already aware that therapists like to do that annoying thing where they ask you to call them by their first name, and apparently even sea-sponge-like regenerating ones are no exception. XD
Congrats on the Spotlight, friend!
Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you liked it!
Hey there! I know you asked me to review this, but honestly... after looking at it and reading through it several times, I wouldn't change a single thing. I hope some other reviewers will be able to help you more than I.
Thanks for writing this! It's great. ^^
Thanks for commenting, I'm glad you liked it.
This was everything I'd hoped it be and more.
10/10 best piece ever.
*Bows*
Thanks.
This was awesome! It's a cute, comical read that made me smile!
Thanks! So glad to hear that.
*laughs hysterically* That^ was sooo funny !!!!!
I love it!!!! MORE????? .-.
Hey Cupciacia!
Thanks so much for commenting. It made me feel the warm fuzzies <3
On the subject of more: I don't really think there's room for a sequel. I mean, it's a very self contained story. Maybe a future spinoff with the therapist as the lead? We'll see.
Again, thanks for commenting.
Quick question is Craig Dresden Jr actually the leg Charles bit off?
Yes, therapists regenerate like starfish. I should've been more clear about that, but couldn't work it in without it sound clunky.