I felt I'm all alone
No one to care
No one to comfort
No one to love
No one to protect.
My heart was filled with sorrow
Which kept bursting inside me
Yet I couldn't show it to others.
I acted normal and pretended
Yet no one ever knew
what I really felt
No one ever knew what I wanted to say.
Grandeur dreams turned to nightmare
My heaven fell down to hell
Yet no one noticed it.
how I wished I could show it without hesitation
Yet I couldn't cause I'm afraid to lose
someone and be hurt again.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello my friend! I'm fairly new here to YWS, so I hope this review isn't too lame! I'm still working on the review portion of YWS!
Anyways..let me begin!
Well, first of all, I love your style of writing! The content in itself was very intriguing. What you wrote is very captivating. It made me think of a few things that I have gone through and made me feel emotion! I love writing which expresses emotion! Overall, your grammar was very good! The only thing I can say is a little more rhythm in the writing!
I thoroughly enjoyed this poem and look forward to reading more of your writing in the future!
~Skyler
Hiya! Let me introduce myself to you, I'm Crystal and I'm gonna review this wonderful, not reviewed work of yours! Here's what I thought:
The problem is you go from past tense to present tense in the same line. This is a really great poem! I can feel the emotion you had, but sadly the poem caught me off guard because of the title. It was the content that you put in it that surprised me the most, not the feel of the poem. I guess it was that it was titled AFRAID TO... Maybe it was just me... Lastly the other thing I didn't understand was this: Anyway this was still a beautiful and emotional poem that is one of my favorites. Keep writing! I'll be reading!Okay, I got confused already! In the very first line as I was reading.
~CrystalPony21