Presidential Campaign Speech
My name is Corey Williams (for those who may not know) and I am here to convince you that I am the best candidate running for President of the United States. I take running for President very seriously and consider it an honor to serve the best country in the world.
I feel that I am the best candidate for President because I deeply care about our country and want to work hard, if elected, to raise this great country to the highest levels possible. I have a strong work ethic and the knowledge and skills to help achieve these goals. I truly believe that a President should lead by example and must have great communication skills and be flexible enough to listen to others on his staff.
I want you to vote for me because you want a president who will fight a better economy. In my opinion the debt our country has is despicable. As your President I vow to work tirelessly to strive to put America back on top in the economic market. We have many resources that we need to explore and work harder on exporting our own goods instead. We have incurred a great debt to China and we need to stress to our large companies the importance of using American citizens to fill their workforce.
I also feel that we need to improve the education of our youth. We are falling far behind other countries, who really stress the importance of educating their youth. We need to raise the levels and expectations of our educational system, and provide enhanced materials and resources to help our educators perform more effectively at their jobs. Also, the issue of salary for our teachers should be increased. In many cases the size of students to teacher ratios need to be dramatically reduced. It is hard for a teacher to teach when half of his/her time is spent trying to discipline the class. A smaller ratio would increase the productivity, provide our youth with a better quality education, and build the base needed to excel in furthering their education. I feel a plan should be implemented to provide resources so all students can get a higher degree. Education is the key to our future and nothing is more important than that.
Another issue that I would address if elected, is to battle terrorism. This is an ever growing concern and with organizations such as ISIS and other extremists groups, we have to ensure that all Americans are safe. This will require a lot of effort, and I would surround myself with the most knowledgeable staff available in this particular area. We are the leaders of this nation, and we must take a stand against these radical groups to let them know that they can’t kill innocent people without harsh repercussions.
I hope to work out a plan to provide legal means of immigration. We have to take control and have a reliable way to allow immigrants to enter our great Nation. We are a great country, the land of opportunity, and we must realize that to many immigrants we are their last hope. We have to figure out a better way to update our current immigration policies, and find ways to account for all immigrants.
If elected President, I vow to repair our nation’s crumbling infrastructure. Our infrastructure is actually crumbling as we speak. Many major interstates, dams, bridges, etc. are so old that they are falling apart. We need to take a hard look at fixing these issues, to continue to provide a safe environment for our citizens. I have seen too many times on the news, that a bridge collapsed here and so many people were killed. Reviewing the infrastructure of our country would not only create jobs to help the economy, but would provide a great service to the citizens of the United States of America.
Vote for me and we will accomplish all of this and more! If elected president I promise to raise America from its slow decline and elevate the United States of America to new heights. This is the greatest country in the world and we need to continue to strive to move forward. A vote for me is a step in the right direction.
Thank you all for you time and your ear. God Bless America!
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Canary word: Present
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Hi,
All right, so here you have some really good points regarding safeguarding the interests of the United States of America. I won't criticise you on those areas, they are just okay.
However, I'd like to mention here that you are sort of overdoing it in the first few lines. I mean, of course there would be people who would actually say such things, but in order to be a better candidate and to excel or stand out from others, you need to make that a bit modest, while saying the same thing just in other words, involving great wit.
I mean, I don't think the best of candidates mention that 'I am the best candidate' or 'I would be the best' in the very beginning of their speech. What they actually do is to prove it. I mean have you ever heard the presidents of different countries mentioning that they are the only best ones in the room full of other people? Of course, they do think so, but they don't say it out loud.
Again, I repeat it might not be wrong to do so for many people, but I personally prefer candidates who are modest and outstanding at the same time.
Plus, you could have used a stronger vocabulary here. I am not exactly the sort of person who keeps chasing or trying to fit the thesaurus words everywhere, however, in a presidential speech, you really do need to use a good vocabulary, strong one, maybe very strong would be good too.
Your points are really good, maybe you can add a few more here, but the already existing are good too. Just they don't seem to create an impact which I suppose should be created with the mentioning of such ideas. This is because of the lack of wit and appropriate vocabulary here. So, work on that a little bit.
Apart from that, I appreciate what you wrote and best of luck for your big day!
Hey CJ! Welcome to YWS.
Because its so good I'm going to be picky and point out some minor problems.
Always avoid repeating words in the same few sentences. For example, "If elected President, I vow to repair our nation’s crumbling infrastructure. Our infrastructure is actually crumbling as we speak." You use "crumbling infrastructure" twice in these two sentences. I would suggest combining the sentences so you only have to use it once or replacing it with different words on one part.
You did wonderfully with this speech.
I don't know very much about politics, but I'm here to give you a few pointers. This was an extremely good speech. I would definitely consider voting for you.
I'm not sure why, but it feels like your opening could be stronger. If you don't immediately suck your audience in and get them interested, they'll pay less attention to the rest of your speech. You need to open with something unique. Maybe something like, "People of America, I am standing before you today humbly and with a servant's heart. My sole goal is to save this country from its impending doom and raise it from the ashes of its debt!" Something exciting to get your audience cheering would work much better toward your advantage. Make it your own. I haven't heard many Presidential speeches, but I feel like it would be advantageous to compliment your audience. Say that they deserve better, or it would be your pleasure to serve such wonderful people. Make it more about them than about you.
Your word choice in here is very strong. I commend you on a good vocabulary.
One more thing: where are you going to get all the money to fund the schools? Go in depth. Are you going to raise the taxes, or find the money some other way? This is probably really important to the people of America, so be sure to be specific.
Your closing was really strong. It did well to finish your speech. CJ, are you actually running for president? 'Cause it sure sounds like it.
Keep writing,
Joy