“Golden Bubbles”
By K.J. Hascall
11/17/06
You look so different through the bottom of this empty glass,
your head framed by the slick residue of beer
and one golden bubble that pops
when my breath wafts over it.
When I look at you over this table covered in bottles and scattered straws,
everything holding me back from you disappears.
I should write your flaws on this napkin with a damp ring in the middle:
The pancakes you ate with her, even though your messy breakup was months ago,
your egotistical sense of self-importance,
your tendency to talk when others do,
and how selfish you can be sometimes.
Instead I punch out the circle and tear it into pieces.
Our conversation slurs over the nozzles
and those hazel eyes draw me in – you quote Pope about sunny minds,
and my traitor heart quivers in my chest.
Walking back, the cold only a whisper through the great numb the alcohol has
settled like a coat about our shoulders,
I put my arms through the crook of yours and we walk like we’re together,
instead of in this purgatory of indecision and strained muscles in the heart.
You kiss my cheek, squeeze my hand, and walk into the night,
and I stumble up the stairs to sleep all of this away.
You won’t have come to me in the morning,
throwing rocks at my window when the sun illuminates you.
The most I’ll have to show for my troubles
is a headache.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I like the imagery, particularly at the beginning. One thing I didn't like though was the way the poem is very centered around "you", this mysterious character that the narrator is in love with, and we don't find out much about "you" until the end. I had a clear picture of the setting, the atmosphere, the narrator, the plot - in short, everything but the focus of the poem. The "you"s got a bit repetitious, too.
Other than that, it was very well written, read smoothly, and had nice feel to it. The feelings of the narrator are evident, but not overdone. Good work.