Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
I think this was a cool, thought-provoking piece. I'm not exactly sure what to call it; it's a little short to be an essay, but it's almost like a monologue or some kind of sermon. I think you bring up some interesting points about God and spirituality, which, as an agnostic, I enjoyed reading, even if I couldn't necessarily relate to the points.
I liked the very direct way you chose to address the reader in this work. You definitely sound very passionate about your subject material. The comparison to the Sims was also interesting, though I'm not sure if it quite fit in with what you were trying to describe; I feel like since you were ultimately saying that spirituality and God are unlike the Sims, it left more room for misinterpretation and could be taken to mean that we don't have free will. I did like the recurring messages you kept returning to, though, about how challenges can be good because they can open your mind. You did a good job of keeping consistent motifs throughout, so nice work!
There were some parts I thought could be revised for clarity. Sentences like "We’ll guess what you in control of your own life therefore he takes you into a place that challenges you to expend your choices, relive the moment and burn that bridge" have a lot going on in them and it can be tough to discern meaning since there are so many messages coming at you all at once. If I were you, I'd be more purposeful with your words and think about each sentence's main idea. While the way you have it currently conveys your enthusiasm and colloquial tone, I think you can preserve some of that while also making it more easily comprehendible.
Overall: nice work!! I think you did a great job of channeling a lot of emotion and thoughts into this piece, and with a bit more editing, it could become something hard-hitting and thought-provoking. I hope to read more of your work here sometime soon! Until next time!
Points: 81482
Reviews: 672
Donate