Published May 18, 2010
The sun blazed high in the sky, the waves crashed gently against the rocks and the sand turned black!
It was a normal day in Florida the seagulls were fighting over a box of fries, vultures over a carcass, the sea let its sweet smell diffuse in the air and Drake was heading down to the beach to catch some waves. Drake loved to surf; as he walk along Gulf Boulevard he took in the scenes, the dry dirt beneath his feet soft like sateen, the sun blinding him slowing his pace and the sound of the sea calling him and his friends like a moth to a flame. He had planned to spend the day shooting some baskets with his dad but when Josh had called inviting him to ride some killer waves, well that was an invention that Drake just could not refuse; though in the end it would turn out to be the worst decision he ever made!
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139,667 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
Like they said it was a good start...
Hello there!
First of all, I really like how you describe places or things very well. It was short but good. I just want to clarify where's the real tension or the problem in here. It was bland so no any climatic sentence that made it nice even if that was short. However, I like the last part of the plot. You left it hanging so we readers would expect a continuation here, am I right?
Keep writing!
Peace out!
This is a pretty good start. Some mistakes i caught;
"an Drake was heading down to the beach"
I think you meant and instead of an.
"along Gulf boulevard"
If it is a place you should capitalize Gulf as well as Boulevard
I don't think you should give away that it was the worst mistake he ever made because it will ruin the suspense later on. Otherwise good job! Keep writing! PM me if you want me to review anything else!
-KAH