16+

The Mirrors Other Side

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

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The fog was beginning to spread. All signs of life that had once circled around him - in the once gently moonlit night - were disappearing right before his very eyes. The fog brought with it, a moist yet chilling breeze that pushed his long soft dark brown hair to one side, and then the next. On this night, he had strayed from all uncertainty, everything was left behind him prior to entering what was about to become the battlefield - the place he would bring up his weapon - and take aim at what he believed to be the true enemy. Though, the reason he was brought into this mirrored world, is because the real world has so much in it that is worth fighting for. Because of this, he couldn’t help but think of what he would do for it and more, even if it meant fighting the war before the trivial battles.

Standing tall, and looking left and right slowly, he surveyed the area. The fog began to rise, thickening to create walls that extend far into the sky, that stretched rather far in front of him, and both to the right and the left. He could only assume that the same was occurring behind him. The pure whiteness of the large room formed from the fog began to confuse him, a feeling of panic increasing as the room finalized itself. He looked frantically about, left right, spinning around a few times. He was trapped and there was simply no where to go. Just stop and breathe, he told himself as he closed his eyes, steadied his breath and begun to calm his nerves. The room began to flicker, as if it was illuminated by thousands of fluorescent lights that were in need of new bulbs. He opened his eyes, allowing his body to settle into a stance as if he was ready for something to appear out of no where, something that would try to pounce on him - ready to attack and take his life. This all has to be fake… Just a dream, right? Though his body maintained a calmer figure, his mind was still racing, circling around and around, creating a cyclone of thoughts in his head.

Just when he had thought the worst was over, within the flickering lights was a figure. Indistinguishable from the distance it stood from him - a good 30 meters away. He blinked a couple times, and sure enough, the shadowy figure was still there. It hadn’t moved and appeared as if it wouldn’t move anytime soon. Then, as soon as it had started, the lights stopped flickering. For a moment, the room was dead silent, all that could be heard was his own steady breathing. Looking left and right once again, the room had not changed, but when his gaze returned forward, the lights flickered once, and within that short flicker, the shadowy figure moved again. Did it… Move closer? Or am i just imagining that? The lights shut on and off, slowly this time, and each time the light would return, it would leave the outline of the apparition, appearing closer and closer each time. 20 meters. 15 meters. He took a step back. 10 meters. Five. As soon as it within arms length of him, an eerie smirk appeared on its face, though no other features were distinguishable. The figure resembled the shape of his own. Same height, same body type,and hair, it even appeared to be wearing the same clothing. What… No… Who is this person? He questioned himself while his thoughts, as scrambled as they were tried to make sense of the figure standing in front of him.

“Wh-who are-...” He began to speak, his voice was soft and filled with confusion and concern, but was dominated by fear. Before he could even get out the whole question - a black arm stretched out and struck him right in the middle of the chest, sending him flying backwards a few feet. He fell on his back, the wind knocked right out of him and unable to move. He gasped for air, coughing a few times as he tried to open his airways. Wh-what just hit me? What was that? Whats happening? The questions continued to swirl around in his head as he tried to find the strength to sit up. Just as he did, the figure had moved closer. It was practically towering above him as he stared up, his face showing the complete fear that had been previously heard in his words. His heavy breathing continued, and sudden realization came to him. The apparition looming above him, was himself. The lights in the room stopped flickering, the room maintained a soft glow as he continued to look over the figure, a few more details becoming noticeable. Despite what has just happened, the only thing he could think of to do next was fight. He wasn’t going to be able to make it out of this alive if at all, if he didn’t fight back.

Just as he came to this conclusion, the figure had pulled out from behind itself - as if from nowhere - a weapon, as dark and shadowy as the figure itself, it appeared as though it could have even been apart of his shadowy appearance But before he could make out its exact details, the figure spun, and raised the weapon high above its head. His eyes had widened slightly, and he took a deep breath as he found the strength he was looking for and slid backwards, just as the figure slashed down with its shroud, smashing into the ground. After sliding back a foot or two, he flipped backwards, ending up in a handstand position for a split second as he finished the flip by landing on his feet. What the hell is this thing? Oh right...this is me. He thought just before being charged by the figure, and once again he performed the maneuver, two times as he back flipped away from the attack. This wouldn’t last long unless he was able to somehow fight back. After all, he couldn’t just keep running away.

He began to think, there has to be something… Anything, that I can use against myself! When he had finished his thought, he came to a sudden realization. If that thing is supposed to be some, mirror form of myself, shouldn’t i have a… His thought was incomplete before he quickly reached behind him, and what his hand grabbed was the handle of his own weapon. When he pulled it from his back, what he saw was a variant of katana that appeared as if it could be dual wielded with a bladed scabbard which after being sheathed into the said scabbard becomes what form it is in now, a rather thick cleaver. Though the thought of having his own form of defense had calmed his raging nerves slightly, the duel had only just begun. Just as he had thought, his moment of calm was over as his counterpart had once again charged him, this time mid-stride, it had unsheathed the hidden blade from its cleaver sheath, and jumped into the air, quickly approaching him. Deciding he would accept the challenge, he threw up his own blade, just as the figure slashed down with both of its own. The impact was more powerful than he had anticipated and it forced him back slightly. Grinding his teeth, he let out a slight growl, and put all his strength into a swing at the figure. Just as he had anticipated, the figure blocked in an “X” formation in front of itself. He gave a slight smirk, and unsheathed his own scabbard from the cleaver part of his sword, wielding it in his free hand. He took a side swing at the figure as it released its block and jumped back to dodge his swing.

This thing was fast, and clearly skilled with its movements and its fighting style like his own. Just take a deep breath. Stay calm. I’ll die if i don’t try. He did just as he told himself, and took a deep breath, and released it slowly. Following his released breath, he took a few steps forward towards the mirror demon. He then placed his right foot forward, and began to sprint towards it. The figure was trying to read his movements, and repeated the attack it had first tried, pulling its weapon high above its head and slashing downward. Just as it was about to make contact with his head, he ducked down, and slid under his counterpart, skidding to a stop close behind it, he spun around and slashed with both blades, catching his shadowy enemy off guard, making some contact with its pure black being. Although it was able to take the smaller of its own two blades and block him from doing a great amount of harm - he hit - and had struck this figure right above its hip. It had screeched loudly out of agony as it jumped out of his range.

He couldn't help this smirk that crawled onto his face. I think I’m getting the hang of this. I might actually be able to take this thing down. His confidence was high, it was evident from the stance he took as his breathing grew more steady after performing his sneak attack. The shadow figure still grinned its vicious grin as it held its side from having been struck. It let out a slight chuckle as it vanished. Did it just… disappear into thin air?! At that moment, fear once again took presence in his mind and body, shifting his view left and right, spinning around a few times and still, the figure was no where to be seen. Maybe its gone? He thought, though just as he thought it was a victory, he turned once more to see his counterpart directly in front of him, weapon sheathed and nowhere to be seen. He tried to react, but it was too late, and before he knew it, the figure has punched with all its force directly into his stomach, sending him flying backwards through the air. Unable to keep a grip on his own weapons, they too went flying in different directions crashing and clanging as they hit the ground. The shadow figure sped towards him, flipping in the air, and bringing its shadowy leg down on him, sending him downwards hard, crashing into the ground. His mouth opened to scream from the pain, but no sound came out. As he lay there, defeated and limp, the shadow figure walked slowly up to him. Coming to a stop as it loomed over him, placing its hand on its hip just staring down at him. Cringing in pain, his eyes were closed tightly, he felt the room spinning and he was going to lose consciousness. Just before he passed out, he saw with blurred vision, the shadow from the figure lift like black smoke, revealing all its figures. He had been right, it was himself, still grinning with that evil smile, its eyes a bright red, and for the first time, it spoke, though it wasn’t his own voice. It was a deeper, more menacing version of his own.

“A valiant effort… “ It began, unable to keep himself focused, he closed his eyes.


“Better luck next time… Christian.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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Sylar14
Review
Sylar14 wrote a review · Fri Nov 28, 2014 3:07 am

I liked it! It reminded me a lot of the battle between Link and Dark Link from Legend Of Zelda. Being a really huge, gigantic, mega LoZ fan led me to love this a whole lot more with that image in my head. Your descriptions are nicely worded and help me see just what's going on, another factor that I liked. But anyways, on with some things I noticed that could be fixed!

1) "Though, the reason he was brought into this mirrored world, is because the real world has so much in it that is worth fighting for."

You change tenses in this line. From past "the reason he *was* brought into this mirrored world," to present "*is* because the real world *has* so much in it that is worth fighting for." To keep it in past tense- because the majority of the story is in that tense -change "is" to "was" and "has" to "had".

2) "The fog began to rise, thickening to create walls that extend far into the sky, that stretched rather far in front of him,"

Here, "extend" should be "extended". Or "stretched" should be changed to "stretch". (Personally, I feel the former would sound better)

3) "Though his body maintained a calmer figure, his mind was still racing, circling around and around,"

There's nothing wrong with this part, actually. I just wanted to know if you thought it sounded better as "round and round" instead of "around and around"? Both sound good to me, I just wanted to ask.

4) "He fell on his back, the wind knocked right out of him and unable to move."

This sentence was a little confusing the first time I read it. It seems incomplete. You ended it properly, but it sounds like there's a gap near the end. I think it'd sound better as, "the wind knocked right out of him, leaving him unable to move" or "leaving him immobile". What do you think?

5) "Wh-what just hit me? What was that? Whats happening?"

"Whats" should be "What's". Just a tiny typo, nothing too big.

6) "Despite what has just happened, the only thing he could think of to do next was fight."

You change tenses again, though you do this a few times so I'm convinced it's just a typo, because I put "has" instead of "had" a lot when I'm writing.

7) "He couldn't help this smirk that crawled onto his face."

I think "this" should be "the", shouldn't it?

8) "He tried to react, but it was too late, and before he knew it, the figure has punched with all its force directly into his stomach,"

This is another instance where you say "has" instead of "had". Just thought I'd point it out to you.

9) "Just before he passed out, he saw with blurred vision, the shadow from the figure lift like black smoke, revealing all its figures."

You already said "figure" in this sentence, so I feel it'd sound better to change "revealing all its figures." to "revealing all its features." Just to avoid being repetitive, ya know?

Lastly, you say "slight" and "slightly" quite a bit. I would go over it and try to pick out the ones that seem unnecessary. Another repetitive descriptions being "left and right" when he's looking places. You could change it up a bit with maybe, "He looked both ways" or "all around". And a third one being "just as he thought this [insert other half of sentence here]". I'm not sure how you'd rewrite those parts, but they did get repetitive.

Other than all of those things, this was a fantastic piece and I had a lot of fun reading it! Good job! Is there going to be more? I feel like it was left off on a part that could be continued. You don't have to continue it, though, because it's perfect just being left like this. But a continuation would be interesting.

Keep writing, and good luck!

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Shadowolf765
Review

Shadowolf here :D

"Standing tall, and looking left and right slowly" Remove the 'and'

"formed from the fog" Either encase in dashes or remove.

"lights that were in need of new bulbs. He opened his eyes" this can cause the reader to become confused because the sentence indicates he had his eyes open already. best if you move the place where he opens his eyes to earlier or tell the reader he just can see the flickering through his eyeslids or such.

"Just when he had thought the worst was over," Nothing has even happened besides the fog, would suggest changing the wording or removing this.

" Looking left and right once again, the room had not changed, but when his gaze returned forward, the lights flickered once, and within that short flicker, the shadowy figure moved again." This is a run on sentence, use some dashes, semicolons, and or periods to break it up. Watch for these later on in your writing.

"smashing into the ground" Place an 'it' between 'smashing' and 'into'.

" shouldn’t i have a" Capitalize the 'i' keep this in mind through out since i noticed a few other things similar to this.

"It had screeched" Remove the 'had.

That's all I have to give you to edit, most of it seems to be mainly grammar and proof reading it before hand a few times. Interesting ending to it and I do hope that you continue this piece of work. Keep on keeping on and good work :D



The emperor is rich, but he can't buy another day.
— Chinese Proverb