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Cove -- NaNo Idea(?)

by ChiravianSkies

His gills struggled to open, so Cove was forced to stay at the surface for oxygen. Being underwater for too long made him lightheaded. He took in long, deep breaths of air. It felt good, even if his skin was already drying out. He rolled over on the backside of the rock so his stomach got some of the rock’s water.

The waves were hitting the dock nearby, and he decided to watch the tide come in. When he raised his head, he didn’t expect to see a human standing on the rocks. He sat on top of a precarious-looking rock, with his head turned out towards the rest of the sea

Cove lowered his head, but kept it so he could watch the human. Upon closer inspection, it was the human he took to shore just a week ago. He stared, wide-eyed, wondering why the human would risk going so close to the ocean again.

The human slid down the rock until he was just in front of a tidal pool. He hovered there for a while, before pulling out a piece of fabric. “Hey, Ocean!” he called out. Cove could barely hear it from the rock he was sitting on.

“I’m sorry that I missed yesterday’s festival!”

Festival? Cove’s long ears pricked, and he dove into the water. He swam a bit closer to the beach, and dipped his head up just before the water was too shallow for him to swim in.

“But I didn’t have any offerings for you. Now I do, though. Maybe you can take this. It’s old and all, but it’s really important to me. I didn’t think I could give it up before.” He dropped the fabric in the water, where it floated for a few seconds before sinking to the bottom of a tide pool.

“Sorry again,” he said.

Cove watched as the human sat down at the bottom of the rock again. He sighed loudly.

The human was small, maybe his age. His black hair spiked up, illuminated orange in the sunset light. He wore a shirt over his chest, something his mother told him humans did. It made him look effeminate.

Cove tried to breathe quietly, watching the human.

“So yeah,” he said. “That’s all I’ve got for you. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow. Who knows?” He grunted and put himself back on his weird appendages. He stretched them, the climbed back up the rocks and out of sight.

What a weird creature, he thought. He got back to swimming underwater until he reached the tidal pool that was the piece of fabric. He felt the brown fabric until he saw its shape in the dim light. It was a shirt.

But why was a shirt so important to a human? A male, no less. He took it in his hands, feeling the stiff mesh where the chest area was. That was interesting. It wasn’t anything like one of his shirts.

He gripped it tightly and took it out of the pool. Then, he started swimming underwater until he hit the rock. He lifted his head, took a deep gasp of air, then went under.

A festival? Cove certainly didn’t see any human festivals yesterday. But then again, he was kept underwater yesterday. Was the festival why?

As he neared the reef, he hid his shirt underneath his shawl. He didn’t know why he hid it, but if they human threw it while he was alone, then it must’ve been private.

He sighed, bubbles flying up to the surface. Humans were weird.

AN: So I'm debating whether or not to do this or continue Stone Cold Hands, which has the first 2 chapters in my portfolio lol. Any ideas?

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86 Reviews

Points: 10071
Reviews: 86

Sun Oct 30, 2016 12:38 am
reikann wrote a review...


Overall, I found this an easy, fun read.
Your writing style with its action and plot focus was engaging and the simplicity of the language made it easy to process while progressing the narrative at hand.
I liked how every paragraph got something done in the plot and physical world, as opposed to long ruminations. I like that because it kept the action going and kept me engaged with little effort, which is always nice at 3 AM. (haha) The questions arguably didn't, and arguably those should rather be implied, but as they are Cove's narration, they do fine.
The largest complaint I'd like to lodge is, indeed, the lack of a concrete setting - things don't feel entirely grounded. That can be hard to work in without grinding the narrative to a stop, so this isn't a dealbreaker, but a couple more details worked in would go a long way towards engaging the reader further.
As a reader, I'm not entirely sure what's going on a grander scale, so hopefully the next chapter would establish more of the world, setting, and Cove himself. That's a good thing as well, as far as flow goes - I want to read the next chapter, after all!

Now - should you do this for NaNo or no? I haven't read Stone Cold Hands, so I'm not certain of what's there, so this shouldn't be taken comparatively. In evaluating whether or not this is a good NaNo idea, one should first consider 1) whether you'll still care after a month, and then 2) whether there's enough content. In honesty, I didn't see enough groundwork for a larger plot to go 'yes! that's the one!', but if you have more material floating around that just didn't pop up, then that'd be a good time, I think. It's really up to you. But you knew that.

Good night and good luck!

User avatar
95 Reviews

Points: 4906
Reviews: 95

Sun Oct 30, 2016 12:25 am
Gymnast2801 wrote a review...

Hi there ChiravianSkies, it's Gymnast2801 here with a review for The Black Cat Squad!
(Whew, that's a long intro!)

Just so you know, I'm just going to review as I read. I will have my overall thoughts at the end of this review. Now...let's get started!

Ooo, I love how you starts with something so intriguing! It makes the reader wonder if this is a person, animal, or maybe even a mythical creature!

- ...towards the rest of the sea -
Here, you need a period after 'sea'

- Cove could hardly hear it from the rock he was sitting on. -
Above, you describe him seeming to be laying and flopping around for water and air. You might want to consider 'sitting' with your previous description.

- ...but if they human threw it while he was alone... -
'They' should be 'the'

- Humans where weird. -
I couldn't agree more!!

Overall, I REALLY love this!! So much mystery and suspense makes me want to keep reading. Who/what is Cove? How is this human? What festival? Why is the festival and the shirt so important? Ugh, I love it! Please, please keep writing this so my questions can be answered!
I love the way you write and how you write Cove's thoughts without giving away too much!

I'd have to say that you could describe the surroundings a little more to make the reader understand just a tad bit more. I gather that they are at a beach and Cove was on a rock and there was a tide pool but that's about it. I guess I'd just like a little more to it.

Well, that's it for now! I hope you keep writing this and please inform me if you do because I will be happy to read and review any further work on this! Keep on writing!

-Gymnast2801 for The Black Cat Squad ... 60k129.jpg

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt