Cove -- Chapter 3

by ChiravianSkies

Published November 26, 2016

12+

In Cove (Nano 2016)

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Cove’s tail couldn’t stop twitching, but he didn’t know whether it was in anxiety or excitement. Either way, today was the day. The only thing keeping him from being at the surface at that very second was his coming-of-age ceremony. He stood in front of fifty merfolk, all staring at him. Again, he was in the same outfit his mother made him put on. The only difference was the shawl that floated just enough so that his chest wasn’t obvious. Still, he felt vulnerable in front of the crowd, like he was being exposed, or even declaring that he was female.

He smiled lightly, but tried to again look at the courtyard ceiling. If he couldn’t offer his altar his outfit, then maybe he could give it the seashells that covered the ceiling in detailed mosaic patterns.

“Princess Coral, I declare you a young woman in the eyes of our kingdom.”

Cove’s attention snapped back to the world around him, and especially his father saying the words. He was a relatively old man, with slightly greying hair that went down past his chin. His crown held it down so it never floated over his head. His muscled arms held a tiny crown in their large hands. It almost looked comical seeing his father hold such a thing. He smiled at the thought, but then remembered he would be seeing the surface. This was going to be even more exciting than last night’s encounter.

He grinned as his father put the crow on top of his head. The current from his motion made the single lock of hair that Cove pulled form his bun sink downwards.

His father leaned into Cove. “You should say something. After all, it’s your big day.”

To be honest, Cove didn’t know what to say. Half of him wanted to cry at the simple sight of the crowd in front of him. The other side of him wanted to scream for joy. He looked up at his father and grandmother beside him, then down at his mother and sisters in the crowd in front of him. He smiled at them both, before raising his hand in hopes the already-quiet crowd would listen to him.

“Thank you — Thank you… for this honour,” he said. “Even if I’m the youngest of the royal family, I promise that I will be the best princess to you that I am able.” The words felt lame in his mouth, but in the open they sunk like a dead crab. He grimaced, attempting to smile. “So, yeah… Thanks.”

He wanted to hide his head in his hands. That was bad. That was really bad.

“Well, Coral, it is now time for you to go see the surface.”

To that, Cove nearly swam himself into the ceiling at the thought of just getting his tail moving. He straightened out just before hitting it and ended up swimming out the courtyard. He wanted to crow with excitement, but decided not to. He glanced back at all the merfolk in the courtyard. His smile faded for a bit, but then he dashed off to the sea cliffs. There had to be a good spot to see the surface from there.

He wanted it to be just perfect. After all, his sisters said only a few things about it, but even those things seemed beautiful. He wanted to have a better view than all the others. One that he could tell his grandchildren.

Ew. That wasn’t a thought he even wanted to have. He banished it from his mind and went back to searching. He noticed that there were a few rocky crags just above the surface. Maybe those would work. For some reason, it didn’t seem right.

As high noon’s light flared through the water into Cove’s eyes, he decided to find a different place. Maybe one close to a cove, like his sister was telling him about. He followed the sea cliffs until massive rocks lined with rainbows of coral jutted form the sand. Some more caves showed up. He looked down at them, noticing a glowing pair of eel’s eyes staring up at him. He looked away instinctively, and decided to keep swimming. The rocks got thicker and thicker, and the area started to look more and more like a tide pool. A massive black crab scrabbled across the side of a rock.

Soon, they thinned out to reveal a circle of rocks. He noticed that it was somewhere out on the ocean. He was actually afraid he was going the wrong direction. He only noticed that he was close enough to a beach when he could see the water getting extremely shallow through clouds of agitated sand. He went in between the rocks and looked at the water’s surface above him. This was it. This was going to be amazing. He held his breath and shut is eyes, but didn’t know why as his head breached the surface. He didn’t open them, but instead felt around and listened for any crabs he might be grabbing on to. He pulled himself up on a rock. It was hard work, but the rock was only slightly inclined, so it would be easier than a spire. He got his tail all the way out of the surface. Then, he kept on climbing. He refused to open his eyes until he would probably be able to see the entire surface.

Finally, when he reached his hand out and couldn’t find any more porous rock to climb, he opened his eyes.

It was beautiful. Like Wake said, there was an entire ocean above him, but he couldn’t reach it. The air felt harsher, colder, than he expected. There was a beach filled with white sand. Everything was so bright, he noticed. He could see the silhouettes of humans out on the shore. When he tried to inspect them, he could see that their tails split up into two, like his statue. They all wore shirts, he realized. The sea cliffs stretched out from either side of him, stretching up higher than he could have imagined. He let in a deep breath of air. It was so easy to take a breath, he realized. His gills didn’t even need to flare out. He looked down onto the ocean, seeing his reflection. It was discoloured and distorted. He smiled at the sight of how weird he looked. Then, he noticed a large, white-coloured reflection coming towards his.

He looked out in front of him and could see a massive boat. Was that what his grandmother called it? It was coming straight towards the rocks he was on. Suddenly, panic gripped him. He jumped off the rocks back into the ocean. He got out of the circle of rocks, his heart thumping through his ears.

He got out just in time. He looked up at the surface and could see a huge red light shine down on him. He gasped in shock, a rush of bubbles falling from his mouth. Beside him, a massive sheet of metal splashed down into the ocean. A dark trail of black floated up from its remain.

Then again. Cove swam just out of the way of more metal. Again, more black liquid streamed through.

Metal blood?

He got underneath the rocks and waited for what felt like minutes. Finally, the red was gone. More metal fell down, but it had all sunk to the ocean floor, safe out of Cove’s way. He breathed a heavy sigh, then went back to look at the surface. There were floating things that were glowing red. He went over to see what it was. He touched it, and immediately pulled back at a shock of pain. What was it? He assumed it was dangerous.

He investigated more of the scene. Adrenaline pumped through his veins as he noticed every single thing that was broken. This wasn’t normal. This was dangerous to the boat. Were there any humans…

His thoughts were stopped as his eyes rested on three figures floating through the water. He stared for a few seconds before swimming over to them. They were those humans that Marina was talking about. He stared at them. They looked just like merfolk. The only differences were their tails. He noticed the black streaks all over one’s face. He looked unconscious. Cove’s stomach dropped. Could they be dying?

He had to save them He immediately grabbed one of the figures by the orange, floating things they were wearing. He grunted loudly as he pulled them through the water. He stopped as the back of his head hit the sea cliffs. He pulled them along the cliffs until he saw he was close enough to the beach. To his side, there was a long wall of rock, but it was small enough that he could safely put the human on.

He looked back at the accident, seeing more and more of the red glow. Then, he noticed more boats coming towards it. He stared for a second as more humans jumped out of their boats. He put his attention back on the humans. Then, he tried to lift the smallest one onto the rock. It worked, but only a little. The human was only slightly balanced. He would probably wake up in a few minutes, like mermaids did.

He lifted the other human up, but it fell back into the water behind him. He swore to himself, trying again. Even though he paddled harder with his tail, the human did the same thing. He grimaced, then realized that he could probably grab one of the black straps on his floating thing and attach it to a rock. That way, he’d at least be above water. He tried one more time, and the black strap caught onto a jagged piece of rock. A wave came up and pushed cove against the wall. When it receded, Cove grunted in pain. He looked down and noticed that his arms had gotten scraped up.

He looked at the human, who still appeared to be alright.

Cove turned around to see that the red glowing lights had disappeared, where instead what looked like sea foam covered the surface. There were more humans at the scene, and even more boats were coming out. When he looked out, he could see that the beach, which was already covered in humans, was now nearly black with their silhouettes.

It wouldn’t be safe to go back there, he realized. He twisted around, making sure that they were still alright. Still, the small human was lying down on a cliff shelf. The other one was still hanging from his floating shirt.

Cove sighed with relief. He’d saved these two, right? Maybe the humans were dealing with the other one.

Cove dove down underwater. The surface was interesting to say the least, but maybe he would wait until tomorrow before learning about the full experience of the ocean.

Instead, he laid down on the seabed, staring at the sunlight dappling the water’s surface. Above him, a school of angelfish swam. He watched their stripes intently before seeing the ocean’s ceiling once again. He’d just conquered it. He was officially an adult.

How cool was that? He asked himself, trying to change the subject from the human encounter.

Pretty darn cool, his mind answered. Pretty darn cool.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
JoeBookman
Review
JoeBookman wrote a review Review · Nov 27, 2016

Joe once more--

Gotta start, my favorite line in this chapter--

The air felt harsher, colder, than he expected.


It's a single sentence and not even a long one, but man, when I read it, I was pulled into Cove's skin. I've been a land-dweller all my life, obviously, but for a moment, I could imagine what it would be like to touch the surface for the first time. Good writing.

Moving right along, you definitely picked up the action in this chapter. One issue I have is inconsistency in your description. I recall in the first chapter, you described the merfolk as having pointed ears, gray skin, and pointed teeth. Yet, when Cove went to see these humans, you wrote:

He stared at them. They looked just like merfolk. The only differences were their tails.


Again I acknowledge this is a NaNo piece, and it's in the very nature of NaNo to just write, write, write, and worry about contradictions later, but I thought I'd point that out.

The actual boat crash itself is a bit unclear, mostly the red lights. I read it several times over. Maybe I'm missing something, but for the life of me I can't figure out what the red lights were. I think an improvement you could make to all your descriptions in general is to look at sense other than sight. The sound of the boat, the vibration of the engine, maybe even a metallic or oily scent it releases into the water, all would be good additions. That extends to the rest of your writing, too. It's a common issue, but a point I think could really amp up the quality of your imagery.

I feel confused on several things from this chapter: that no one went with Cove to the surface, what the significance of surfacing is, why there are no rules regarding the surface, etc. I also was expecting more reference to the merfolk religion during the ceremony, seeing as the worship of an undefined god (the statue from last chapter) was considered such an atrocious crime.

I'm glad to see that you haven't dropped Cove's transgender identity, but you haven't obsessed over it, either. Just like real transgender people, Cove is able to carry on as relatively functional. While his thoughts frequent the issue of his gender, other things demand his attention, too. I think you're balancing it well, so keep on.

Overall, there's so much to explore in this story and I am genuinely intrigued, but I feel like you're glossing over a lot of great potential material.

I'll be following you and this story, and would really love to see it develop further.

Joe

User avatar
Casanova
Review
Casanova wrote a review Review · Nov 27, 2016

Heya, ChiravianSkies! Casanova here with another review!

Sorry it's taken so long, I had to continue doing a portfolio. Anyway, to the review!

The first thing I noticed was these lines-

Cove’s tail couldn’t stop twitching, but he didn’t know whether it was in anxiety or excitement. Either way, today was the day. The only thing keeping him from being at the surface at that very second was his coming-of-age ceremony.


If I remember correctly, Cove originally didn't think that this was a big deal. But now he's anxious and/or excited about it. I really love this for a few reasons. One is your showing how indecisive/flexible your characters are, and that's really relatable. So props for that!

I really like you're plot. It's actually starting to pick up a bit in this chapter, and I feel like you're handling it well. There are dull moments, but I guess I shouldn't expect every line to be,"wow." It would be epic if every line was, but I don't think it's possible lol. Anyway, on to the next thing,
Your characters are still really strong, so props for that. I didn't expect you to keep them up this far in, or this early in should I say. But they're extremely easy to relate to, and it seems like they're moving along in the story pretty well. So props for that.
One thing I didn't like was how it ended. There wasn't any suspense, or anything to keep me wanting to continue on to the next chapter. I would suggest spicing it up, or ending the chapter earlier on. Maybe after the human encounter, before he went to bed? I don't know, but I like how the plot is.

Over all I really like your story, and I'll be keeping tabs. Ping me if you ever need a review on future chapters. That's all I have to say, and I hope this helped at least a little.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron



flamin hot cool ranch doritos say a lot about the duality of man
— dissonance