Published September 13, 2014
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,075 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
I don't know what this is about, but it's good.
Exactly.
This is lovely.
Thank you
heya chips! Time for a review!
First off, I really like how you don't put breaks in your sentences, it really improves the flow of the poem. I love how your poem gets to the point and actually makes sense. Trust me I've seen a lot of weird poems.
Anyhow, onto criticisms. I kinda feel like the poem is a message to those who are trying to find themselves. If so, then why are the people who are lost trying to tear down someone just like them. I would consider re-writing this part to fit your theme.
well thats it! Have fun and keep writing
It's unfortunately human nature sometimes. Thanks for reviewing.
No problem man! Great poem!
Hello there! IronSpark here. As I usually do with poetry (and basically everything) I'm going to nitpick a little. Well, a lot. Here we go...
1. Why did you decide to put the line breaks where you did? It's fine, but you could change the emphasis here and make it more dramatic if you added different line breaks.
2. "impenetrable/stone could ever destroy." "Impenetrable" is what I like to call a 'defensive word'. That is, it means that it can't be damaged, not that it can damage everything. Sorry if that's confusing... but I recommend changing it to something having to do with destroying.
3. "shaken or taken" was this a purposeful rhyme? It takes away from the 'sad' aspect of the story.
Sorry I wrote so little--that was because it's so good!
-IronSpark
Thanks for your helpful review
Hey!
Nice work by the way. A short and sweet composition is always adored. The poem was narrative but there are few errors that took away the fun.
Firstly you had a nice rhyming scheme but you didn't used it properly. That kind of went really low and also made hard to understand.
Secondly, if you would have used a little more simple words then I guess the poem would have been easier to read and connect.
Rest it was nice.
So,
Keep dreaming! Keep writing!