Young Writers Society

Hello, SharraeWilson!

I can definitely imagine these lyrics put along with some kind of tune, the rhythm is definitely there. I liked hook/chorus part which was repeated, and I also like the repetition of 'tiny pieces', as a whole I can see that being very effective.

Okay so personally, I really don't like all of the rhetorical questions. It makes the whole thing more whiny, and less appealing to the readers/listeners. A couple in the whole song is alright, but to have a lot is a bit annoying. It's just the fact that it makes the lyrics clearly directed at someone else, which makes it slightly awkward for me to read. Also, rhetorical questions shouldn't be used too often, or they lose their effect.

Having said that, something to use instead of rhetorical questions which I think would be fitting it some more imagery. 'Tiny pieces' is already a good start, but at the same time I've definitely heard that phrase many times before. I wouldn't say get rid of that because it does work well, but instead of all the questions you could replace them with negative imagery which fits in with the song such as 'shattering' 'broken' and all that.

You might just feel the pain inside of her

Tell me why I have to be me?

Tell me why I have to be broken?

Hi! Amddog here for a review!

I thought it was wonderful! I could imagine this as a song, so a lyric is how I would understand it. But, I'm completely insane, so there are many ways I understand everything. I couldn't find a lot of errors so I'm pretty sure you're set with those!

I love how you referenced tiny pieces every time you finished a.... I can't remember the word..... oh wait! Stanza! lol sorry. I think it was awesome! keep up the good work!

-Amddog

Hello SharraeWilson!
I shall start off by saying that this is a tremendous, meaningful piece of work and I really enjoyed reading it.

However, there were a few tiny parts where the flow seemed to be broken here and there.

Firstly, the way you made the phrase "Tiny Pieces" come in a single line was really innovative, however I would have personally liked it if the line before was included with the phrase altogether. I understand the effect you are trying to bring out, however, in this case, it was not really necessary.

Also, in the end, you repeated the first few paragraphs again, which can be putting off to a potential reader, since it was not necessary to repeat every thing. I have come across this style of poetry many times, even I implement it quite often, however, it would be more appreciated if the ending was shorter and not a huge paragraph of nothing but a point you have already made. It also gives the effect that the poem is longer which could scare off some of your readers.

Other than these points, I really liked the poem and found it extremely well written. You have great talent, and I hope to witness more of it.

Yours truly,
Awkward Adolescent XD