Published October 7, 2011
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140,691 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
This was a brilliant poem. It was a little hard for me to read because I can relate to some parts of it. This is a character who I can think of myselfas. I know that kind of feeling to be screaming your mind off but no one can hear you. Very nice job and I hope you post up more of your work.
This was very emotional and very deep. I for one loved how raw it was and how you really gave us a feel for your poor character. There were a couple things I'd like to point of though, corrections in Red:
And I'd also like to point out that you're rhyming is very stressed. Almost as if you were trying to hard to make it rhyme. Not all poems have to rhyme, but if you really want to, I suggest making it more "flowy", by changing up syaballes or words, because it seems very forced at the momment.
And that's about it. Very awesome job! I'd love to see more