Published September 7, 2016
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140,281 Literary Works • 673,072 Reviews
1. Chie be nice to your crew
2. I like the part where you said "stop acting like eight-year-olds" to the crew
3. KYA MY BEST FRIEND IS IN THE STORY.....YES
4. I love it
5. What's the droids name I don't think you said it
6. How's FIVES doing
7. My master is sleeping and about to fall of the bed
sorry random thing
8. Nice it is Awesome
Sorry pushed the button
1. They started in and they need some sense talked into them.
2. Thank you
3. Yep
4. Thank you again
5. I did say the droid's nickname. Fives.
6. How should I know and none of your business.
7. Tell her to get more sleep.
8. Thank you a third time.
I DON'T NEED MORE SLEEP.
YES YOU DOOOOOO
"Stop acting like eight year olds!"
Hello, Chie! This is a wonderful story you have here; great job! It's humorous, well-written, and you do a surprisingly good job of crafting a relatively large group of characters and highlighting each of them. Their development is nice, as is their interactivity with each other. And, frankly, I love how everyone gets along. The in-jokes, remarks, temperament, and, of course, the crazy animals running all about the place. Each member of the crew becomes memorable in their own regard in this way, which, given that this story isn't all that long, is impressive. We even see a little bit about their backgrounds in the process, and how they get along with one another on what appears to be serious missions and adventures. Personally, I'm quite curious to see how they would get along as a team, or how they would work together when faced with a threat. I imagine there will still be comic relief, of course, but everyone seems to be fairly close, even if they don't act like it, and I get the impression that they're good friends. So, I approve of your characterization and plot development.
Beyond that, I love the general themes of this piece. It's fun, adventurous, and a little exciting, even though the scenes involved are waking everyone up and getting ready for breakfast. The monkey-lizard is awesome, as is the grumpy robot, and Chie clearly has her hands full keeping everybody in line. Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing more descriptions and details when it comes to the setting, because I'm fascinated to know what their ship looks like, and a little more about how it behaves. I think that would allow you to communicate the tone of this story in an even better fashion, and help spread your world into the audience's minds. Besides, it'd be nice to see their location, and perhaps even mementos from past adventures and the like. I dunno, I love what I'm seeing, and I think it would be cool to see more of it.
So, well done! This is a well constructed, vivid story, with a lot of fun ideas and a great tone. The only thing I'd like to suggest is that, when you have a quotation followed by a tag announcing the speaker, the first word of that said speaker tag should be lowercase unless it's the name of a person, and you generally want to place a comma right before the end of the quotation, and another after the speaker tag if it breaks apart a quotation (this doesn't apply if you have something like an exclamation or question mark in the quotation or tag; that should stay, especially because the meaning would be lost otherwise). However, I'm impressed by your writing abilities and this short story. Excellent job!
Oh boy? Why am I not surprised? The crew is CRAZY! Anyway, great job on the story, I like this! They sound a lot like my crew, never ending trouble....YI! IKI! OFF THE X-WING!
Anyway, good job!