Published April 8, 2016
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140,831 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey there, yizhongt here to leave a review. I can't believe that there is only one review so far. Putting that aside, you have the good story going here. The characters are well written and your descriptions are good. The story flowed smoothly in my opinion. Now there are some tiny grammatical errors here and there that I have to point out.
{“Ohhhh….Boba’s gonna kill me.” He thought,}
There should be a full-stop after the thought. Not a comma.
{“The tracking beacon says that we’re close.” Said Sabine, “We should be able to come out of hyperspace in…thirty seconds.”}
A full-stop after Sabine.
{“Chopper said that their hyperdrive is down.” Confirmed Ezra,}
Put a full-stop after Ezra, not a comma.
{“You want me to go in there?” I questioned the big furry thing,}
Again, full-stop after thing.
{“Don’t…move...a muscle.” Came a voice from behind me,}
Full-stop after me.
{“What happened to you?” I asked,}
Full-stop after asked.
That's all the grammatical mistakes I found. It's not a huge mistake, but it can be a real eye-sore to more nit-picky readers. One more thing,
{ He had barely escaped the TIE’s in one piece, but thankfully, they had missed his hyperdrive, so this ship was still in the air…long enough to get to Tattoine anyway.}
I think you should put the word fighters after TIE if you want to signify more than one TIE fighter. This is because TIE's means Twin Ion Engines. It doesn't mean anything. You need the word fighter at the end.
Good job on the chapter. Cannot wait to read the next one. Keep it up and keep writing!
K. But people generally know what a TIE fighter is. I'll change that though. And about the comma thing, my spell check says it's a fragment sentence if I put a period. Whatever. And I will review your story.
Omg i lovee the the character's personality and the way you describe them helps me to imagine the scene very very well! I'm already loving the story the plot is interesting, unique and fresh.I hope you continue the story and I'll definitely review the next one again!
I hope that you would also take the time to review my story. I'm just a newbie and I only started writing my story called, "Falling in Love with An Idiot". I'll really appreciate it if you give me your opinions and comments about the story! =)
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