Young Writers Society

This is Kaos here for a review.

People ask me questions and they expect an answer. What do I do when I can’t?

What if I know the answer, but can’t put the words in place?

I simply answer: “I don’t know.”

Gee, I’m sorry it bugs people; to keep pleading stupidity.

The first two lines can be broken up so that it isn't all together. I thought the start to this poem was rather weak and thought it could have been conveyed in a way that wasn't as blunt. You just /tell/ the reader instead of adding any layers to it or anything of that sort. If you just give us the theme, then what's the point of the rest of the poem? There's no emotional investment to put into the poem because of this.

The semicolon in the fourth line wasn't needed or wasn't used right, and you should probably put a comma there instead to make it flow more smoothly. Following that up, the lines don't feel very connected to each other because you end every line after it starts and don't try to build up on any thoughts.

But I mean, I can’t get my words out. What do I say when they ask me?

I don’t know.

I mull over my thoughts in my head, I mumble half audible words.

I think semi out-loud, only no one save me understands.

Something I noticed is that there were a lot of questions so far and I suggest for you to cut down on them because they interrupt the flow and it feels like a cheap way for you to get the message across.

This far into the poem there hasn't been any imagery and this is what I sort of mean by it being blunt. This is the skeleton of a poem that doesn't have anything more than that. You don't describe anything, and I felt this was a sort of side effect of the style that you wrote in, which was awkward. It was very talky and it being that way didn't give way for any imagery to get through in the poem.

A lot of the theme is already being repeated with "I don't know" and nothing is really being added because the reader already knows what the theme is, but it isn't executed in a strong way. Give us the theme through strong imagery and strong line delivery instead of just a sort of ramble, which is what you have here. If you're trying to portray that you don't know the answers to questions, which I think could have been turned into something also with self-confidence and not feeling like your opinion is valid.

You know, I truly am sorry I say that out of habit; like some say “um” or “like”.

Even this now, this a confusing little piece. Where will I share this jumble of stuff?

At home on my laptop this will probably stay; unseen by the rest of the world.

Who cares really, if this gets out anyway, because you know what:

You use semicolons wrong again here in the first line. Semicolons are used to connect two /independent/ clauses that are somewhat similar or are similar in their topic. Think about the second sentence, would it be able to hold up strongly on its own? Read it as a regular sentence instead of using the semicolon as a comma. Saying that the semicolon works here is saying that the semicolon would work here:

"You know, I truly am sorry I say that out of habit. Like some say "um" or like".

The colons used in the poem get a little annoying because they feel like they don't need to be there and you could be using something simpler, such as a comma, a colon isn't really needed.

What does the laptop have to do with being seen by the rest of the world? You don't elaborate on this, but I'm sort of thinking that you were talking about writing and thinking that you'll never be an author or something of that sort, but it wasn't really clear.

This part of the poem starts to feel every more rambly and it makes the poem a mess. Organize your thoughts better on what you're trying to get across in the poem. You want to write about not always knowing what to say or not always knowing things, so put that throughout the poem.

They don’t know.

I don’t know.

Screw it all, I’m lost. It’s just me thinking this nonsense here.

Ignore my random ramblings. For all in all, to sum this up: I really, truly…

…have no idea what the devil this is. Weird.

I dunno.

This last part of the poem is more lazy than the rest of it and it annoys me. It doesn't feel like you put any effort into it and just because the poem is about not knowing doesn't give the excuse for lazy writing and basically just saying that this was just a ball of random ramblings. You literally point yourself out here about giving up on the poem without really any effort. The ellipses didn't really feel needed and it only made the flow more awkward and weakens the poem even more.

I've been talking about imagery the whole poem but haven't exactly explained it. Put your thoughts into words that the reader can connect with and imagine instead of just telling the reader because if you just tell the reader, they won't care. Make us feel what you feel, express your emotions instead of just saying them. When I thought about not knowing I also ended up thinking about self-confidence and self-validation, and the images that popped up in my head were having insecurities poked at, being like an invalid password in small black dots, feeling like my opinion has been mowed down like it is grass.

I also suggest when doing imagery to think of your five senses when doing it and think about what it feels like, sounds like, smells like, looks like, and tastes like, even. But the problem is, there's no imagery here. You had a little bit of it with the audible words and mulling over thoughts, but that was immediately dropped and wasn't developed at all. Overall, this poem felt weak to me in trying to get across "I don't care" because of it being broad and not really tapping into any sort of detail, so I suggest editing through it.

I hope I helped, if you have any questions, feel free to ask.