I'm full of love and nobody wants it
but you feed on the chance to feel complete
I'm full of pain, but who notices?
all you did was inject your fears right back into me
I'm full of desires, but who's here to fulfill them?
it's only the little things that matter
I'm full of flaws, but who can really love them?
if the bare thought of facing them everyday makes me heart beat faster
Yeah, I'm full of love and I'm a hopeless romantic
You deserve to feel complete
but while your ego is growing,
sucking the life out of my body
who's there to pump the love back into me?
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I really like the meaning behind this poem. It's got a really powerful message, and you do a fabulous job of conveying it.
The way you've structured this piece really adds to it. For the most part it flows nicely; however, I don't see how the two first lines connect. I mean, after thinking for a while, it comes to me, but it isn't like your other lines. The connection should be clear right away as that is the way the rest of the poem is written. I'm not 100% sure how you would want to deepen the connection, but I would suggest maybe adding a little more detail about how the second person is feeding off of the narrators endless love to complete his/herself.
One other little thing: "makes me heart beat faster" should be "makes *my* heart beat faster" I think.
Remember you are the author and have the final say in your art, so don't feel obligated to listen to me if you like your poem how it is.
Good work and keep writing!!
Aahhhh very very good! i enjoyed your poem. I was good. I am sure most people will be able to relate. As for myself I can. Honestly, we all view this poem differently. I myself feel it's not just feeling this way because of a significant other perhaps just friend, colleague, sister, boss, or really just anyone. It made me reflect on my life. This poem reached out to me. I am not an editor of sorts, but I will say Wonderful job! very good young writer. I was intrigued.
and keep writing!!
-Amber
Hi! Wow! Poetry. Love this. Okay, so really the only point I can make here is a little bit of grammar stuff. I'm a grammar freak. It's lame. In your first line, "I'm full of love and nobody want it", "want" should be "wants". Also, as far as your question marks, I think you need to be a little bit more consistent in their use. You used them at the end of a few lines, but then didn't at the ends of other lines that definitely could have used them.
For example, a question mark could have gone at the end of "I'm full of desires but who's here to fulfill them". You put question marks on similar lines before and after! Consistency is key.
Other than that, just sprinkle in a few commas and you're good to go! Or maybe you didn't want the commas, for effect. Either way, this poem is very well written, and I love the emotion level. Great job!
Keep writing!
Emily
I really like this poem. I understand how you feel, too.
There were a few missing punctuation marks, but that depends on how you're writing it--I know that sometimes when I write a poem, I leave out certain punctuation and space it weird to show how I want it to be read. If you weren't trying to do that, then you could put in commas before your "but"s. :3
I hope things get better and that soon you'll get all the love you deserve.