***AUTHOR'S NOTE: So this is a sequel to Bye In Bye I talked about friends who leave but this ones for the ones who stayed. If you haven't seen the first one it's here:
Bye
Idk lots of people liked it and said how it was sad, so I wanted to make a more happy poem with a more hopeful message. So here it is!!!***
I know I've lost friends, that is just life
I do not wish to have any bitter strife
I've moved on it's OK
I no longer feel any pain
You tried to hurt me
But time heals all wounds I think
The damage is done
You are gone
But I don't care
I have better friends here
This poem's not about you, it's for my friends
You told me you hated me and it was the end
Of our relationship but that's OK
because I have real ones, that stay
To the ones still here, thank you
You're so real and so true
Thank you for the love
Thank you for the hug
Thank you Olivia and thank you Julie
The other Julie, not Lee
She left but the other stayed
Funny, they have the same name
Thank you Alex and Victor, thank you Amar, thank you everyone
when I grow up, I hope you'll still be here, thank you, the list goes on
I want to name them all for the world to see
There's so many, like a massive sea
You don't have to listen you can go
But I want you to hear this message of hope
Although some leave, and never return
The real ones stay, I hope you will learn
Friends are friends, they come and go
But real friends they stay, your relation will grow
So thank you my real friends I love you so much I'll list them all even if there is a bunch
Olivia and Julie and Alex and Victor
Gabe and Cindy don't forget Amar
The rest of the Among Us Cult, I won't forget, RRW, you're the world to me
Especially Solace, Azzie, Rach, Caly and of course the original, Kiwi
I love you Tian Tian and Ashley
Peyton and Andrew are you still with me
Not Andrew Lo he's still here for sure
Jacqui is here, still ship you with Andrew, I'm so mature
Violetta, Sky and Isy
My three in Germany
Other Gabe and Anika, Josi and Grace, those are the rest
Thank you all of those I have listed, you are the best
Those to come, I hope you can stay
I'll stay on the road of hope, try not to stray
I hope you do to, think about the real ones, don't forget
If someone leaves, don't be sad, don't be upset
Be thankful for the real ones who stayed by your side
Through sadness and anger, stress and depression
They stay with you and don't show aggression
Though sometimes you fight, they'll stay by your side
Remember at the end of the tunnel there's always a light
The tunnel of anger, of friends that have left
Ends with a field of friends who never forget
They know that you matter and love you so much
All of these friends, they will always stay in touch
You matter, they know
They love you so
Always remember your friends
Walk through the tunnel, when you reach the end
You're eyes will grow wide
At the beautiful sight
"I MADE IT" you'll shout with joy and glee
And the field, it's so pretty, you'll see
Please try to walk through the darkness...one step at a time
I'll go with you if you'd like, I know that it's scary, but I'll give you some light
Let's walk together, let's reach the end
Because you, are my friend.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hey hey there, Ches! I saw this poem in the poetry section and decided to leave a review! Because it's rather long, I think I'm going to give you my overall impression and then give you three things I think might help you! So on to the review~
I think this poem is quite bittersweet and a lovely tribute to your friends. It seems very personal, which I love seeing in poetry; this could definitely apply to a lot of people, but it also relates specifically to you. Especially with the mention of specific names and scenarios, I think you did a really nice job making this poem personal. And like I said, this poem is rather bittersweet, which I really love! You talk about losing friends and pain, but you also give thanks to those that stayed by your side and celebrated your true friends. I love the mixing of emotions, as it explores different sides of life and doesn't just stick to one side. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this lovely poem! There are a few things I'd like to mention, but these are just my suggestions, so if you don't agree please feel free to disregard them!
The first thing I'd like to mention is stanzas. Since your poem is quite long, I think adding stanzas would be helpful to make your poem look less intimidating and divide it into sections that make it easier for the reader to read and digest. There are many ways you could divide this poem up, and I'll give you one example in the spoiler below!
Spoiler
But of course, there are many ways you can break this poem up, so if you don't agree, feel free to disregard this!
The next think I'd like to mention is capitalization. For most of the poem, you capitalize the beginning of every line, but there are a couple of spots that you don't do this:
&
I think it's important to stick to one method of capitalization, so I recommend capitalizing these lines in order to remain consistent! But it's all up to you, as capitalization is a stylistic choice
The last thing I'd like to mention is your rhyme scheme, two things in particular
1.) There are some spots where you rhyme scheme seems a bit forced. In other words, it seems like you wrote a certain line just for the sake of rhyming. I don't think you shoal sacrifice your content or message of the poem for the rhyme, so I would either take a look at how you can make your rhyme seem less forced / use better words or just reword the line, or you could try to write this without a particular rhyme scheme
2.) I noticed that your rhyme scheme wasn't consistent. It started out as AA, BB, CC, etc., but sometimes you strayed from this pattern. I think it's helpful to stick to one pattern so your reader knows what to expect and it isn't jarring, like it is when you change up the pattern unexpectedly. But again, if you don't agree, feel free to ignore this! ^^
And that's all I got for you! Overall, I think this is a lovely tribute that your friends would really appreciate it. I enjoyed reading this poem of yours, and I hope to read more from you soon. I hope this helped! ^_^
Thanks for le review!!!
Hi ducklin here to review!!
Let’s get started
⚡️⚡️Pro’s⚡️⚡️
I like your use of Words, they expres your feelings and meaning Well, what I miss in most of the poems. It’s Nice to see again. The message comes through strongly what is mostly the meaning of a poem. Overall it was verry good written. Good grammar, punctuation etc.
💥💥Cons💥💥
The lay-out is unapealing and just not good. I miss the flow of your poem, it’s more like short packs of Words but at the end it gets better so THATS not really a problem!
Keep on writing and going,
Greetings
-E.
Ok thank you for the review!!! I'll work on the cons!!!
First off-I love the happy loving spirit of this poem, even if I thought your last one was, sadly, better. (No offence, I just like PAIN more than...not pain-it's exciting!)
But I REALLY did not like how the poem was just one big chunk of text, My Taco. It's a valid option, but for me, especially seeing as the poem was so long, it just LOOKED unappealing to me. And what's more, my eyes get tired.
But I was NOT tired by this poem- I read it to the end, and thought the end was perfect as a memorable sum up of the whole poem. Plus, it sounded like something I would write! lol
Also, please put any comments about the poem in bold as an "Authors Note" above the poem? I didn't read your comment until AFTER the poem itself. That info is best to know beforehand.
Thank you for the read!
OK thank you!!! I will take your critique and try to improve the poem!!!
So this is kinda, like a sequel to Bye? Basically in Bye I talked about friends who leave but this ones for the ones who stayed. If you haven't seen the first one it's here:
Bye
Idk lots of people liked it and said how it was sad, so I wanted to make a more happy poem with a more hopeful message. So here it is!!!