And like that he was gone. Just as quick as he had come he had gone. Leaving me with, at firstshock, and later memories of the time we shared. The sorrow took over me as I never realised my time in his company was the best time of my life. I thought he surely must have felt the same. He cared for me, I could tell. He wasn't like the other boys, he was different. He was so smart and genuine.
I left the spot where his trailer had been and went up the hill to the tree we used to sit beside. It was out special spot. We would spend nights there just looking at the stars. But to my disappointed meant he was not there. But there was a note tucked between some bark. I opened it and began to cry as I immediately noticed his handwriting. The note read "I told you soph, you can never tell when the wells gonna run dry."
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
You have some spelling mistakes that you should definitely fix. "But to my disappointed meant...", "it was out special spot", are some sentences that need revising.
I like the overall feel for the story and the concept because everyone has been through a break up. I liked that we don't really know the main character, Soph, other than her name while we know a couple details about the boy.
This short was also REALLY REALLY short. I'm not sure if I liked that. I feel as though you could have added more detail in there with more emotion.
Keep up the writing! With this story a little revised, it has a lot of great potential!
Okay
I'm gonna do a review here!
Well done, and keep on writing!
First of all, I loved the theme. And the ending was... well damn, it was sad but good. The only thing I have issues with is your grammar.
There are also quite a lot of typos, for example " It was 'out special spot". I suppose you meant to type 'our' instead.
And it is not "disappointed meant" it's "disappointment". Keep that in mind
But still...the ending quote... "You can never tell when the well is gonna run dry". That really got me.
All in all, a good short
this is a very shocking blurb of writing. Blurb because it's so short. Shocking because I would never have guessed the ending to it. I like almost everything about it...except for the fact that it's so short and ends so suddenly. Other than that though, I like it, and I thank you for publishing it so that I was able to read it today. Thank you!
Hello! Welcome to YWS!
I should warn you that I am rather blunt.
Overall, I thought this was pretty short but it's fairly good so far. This short story seems incomplete to me though. (not enough detail)
I agree with Josie grammar wise so I'm not really going to cover the conventions.
In the first paragraph you could give more emotion. The more emotion,(in my opinion in fiction writing) the better because it will give more "life" to the characters and help us readers connect with them.
In the second paragraph, I think you could have given more detail:
"I left the spot where his trailer had been and went up the hill to the tree we used to sit beside."
There's an abrupt transition between the first and second paragraph so it's important to introduce the setting in detail. The first paragraph is kind of like this "blank room" where we couldn't really pinpoint where the MC is at.
"But to my disappointed meant he was not there."
Here, you could tell why he might not be there.
These are just some of the things I saw. I think that you have some potential. Keep on writing!
Hey,
I hope I didnt over look anything, I havent reviewed in a few days so I feel rather rusty. Sounds good to me though!!!
Josie here to write a review!!!
"Leaving me with, at firstshock, and later memories of the time we shared." Space between "firstshock"
"The sorrow took over me as I never realised my time in his company was the best time of my life."
"The sorrow took over me" sounds a little funny! I think it would be better if you took out the "me" it might be personal preference but I think it sounds better!!!
"But to my disappointed meant he was not there." *Disappointment*
"I told you soph, you can never tell when the wells gonna run dry." "soph" should be a capitalized!!!
And thats all I see!
Josie