Where Light Meets Dark: Chapter 1 - Secrets

by Chaton15

Published May 1, 2020

12+ Violence

In Where Light Meets Dark

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It was 1:49, and Jakira Lumière was getting nervous.

She was sitting in her desk, nervously ripping up a strip of paper. She wished her teacher would stop rambling about stories only related to the lesson and actually check the time.

There were only ten minutes left until 2:00. At that time, really, really sharp, Preciser would arrive somewhere to look for her and Night.

Her quiet, out-of-the-way life was one filled with secrets. What almost no one knew yet was that her alter ego was actually Sunray, superheroine of Milan, Italy, with the powers of light. As Jakira, she had no real friends; as Sunray, the whole city loved her. For that form, however, there was someone who was definitely her closest friend: the superhero with the powers of darkness, who called himself Night. He was her partner in fighting and a natural leader, although he was quite the introvert. While he confidently led the two of them in every battle they'd fought, she'd often seen him shy away from reporters and curious civilians. Even the people he saved seemed to make him uncomfortable if they talked much to him, or asked too many questions. Despite these facts, with her he was much more outgoing and talkative. They'd become friends years ago, and had grown extremely close over time.

Don't get distracted. Jakira flashed a look at the big white clock again.

1:54.

She gritted her teeth. Any time now . . .

Ms. Elena finally seemed to realize what time it was. "Well, class, we've come to the end of the lesson. You may be dismissed. Don't forget to finish up The Decameron by tomorrow, and to turn in your reports."

Jakira immediately shot up and dashed for the door. Any minute, any second . . . She weaved through her classmates, ignoring the girls' quiet greetings, and raced down the hallway. A few minutes later she was standing outside her highschool, panting.

What time is it?!

She looked around for a private place, then gave up and ran to the side of the school. No one would see anything here. The school was a giant brick wall, no windows on this side, and there was a small cleared line before it turned into a large oak forest. Perfect privacy.

She looked cautiously around, just in case some random janitor or pedestrian happened to be nearby, but the coast was clear. Relieved and assured of safety, Jakira closed her eyes and began to chant:

"The sun, the moon, the stars all shine

In day and night the same.

The one last source of light is mine,

To keep our opponent tame."

Even with her eyes shut, she could see a blinding flash beyond them, and feel its subtle heat. The warm sense spread onto her shoulders, then covered her entirely . . .

She opened her eyes, and for a heartbeat she could see everything: the inner growth of the grass and trees, each individual atom in the air with the electrons swirling around them, wind in visible form, and other processes that hadn't been discovered.

Then she blinked, and her vision was normal again, just sharper. Everything seemed edged with fire. Her body tingled with unimaginable energy, and she felt a secured sense that her identity was safe now, with her mask on.

She started confidently back down the narrow clearing strip toward the city, hoping no one had seen her go in as a mortal. Okay. I'm on time. Let's just hope no— Her thoughts were cut off as she walked straight into something hard and soft at the same time.

She blinked in surprise, then frowned as she realized what she'd run into.

A shadow.

Even superheroes had their limits. Whenever she was in this form, she couldn't touch darkness. It was her opposite, and she could only do it if she concentrated; but even then, she was risking her own safety and the existence of light itself. It was the opposite for Night; he could only be in darkness. Light was like poison for him.

Now, Sunray found herself surrounded by shadows. She was standing in a small bit of leaf-filtered light.

Perfect.

She'd have to detransform, in order to walk out safely. Then she'd have to find a different private place with a lit exit. Then retransform. It would definitely be past 2:00 by then, if it wasn't already.

A soft, breeze-like sound echoed from behind her, a sound rather familiar. She smiled as a friendly male voice asked, "Something wrong, Sunshine?"

Sunray turned around, suddenly feeling a lot more cheerful now that Night was here. As always, he was suited in a solid black, pocketless hoodie, flexible black leather gloves, and short masculine combat boots, in color-contrast to her nearly identical gold-white outfit. His identity was hidden by his dark mask, covering the part of his face around his eyes. His hood was up, although they usually kept them off when they were just with each other. He was standing an armsreach away . . . in the shadows from which he'd come.

His powers and abilities were her opposite—darkness, obviously—but he could do more than just create and control shadows like she could create and control light. He could also teleport from one shadow to another, anywhere on the planet, instantly. It was a fast and easy way of travel, cost him nothing, and was very useful during the usual fights when the sun was out: it helped him get around easily without worrying about getting trapped. He could also be very sneaky this way—he'd startled her many times before with it—but she liked it.

Now he was looking at her, his dark blue eyes alight with curiosity. She realized he must've come just as she'd started looking frustrated.

"Kind of," she replied, pointing at her blocked path. "I transformed and pretty much trapped myself."

Night smiled. "Simple solution," he said. "I'm here now. I'll take away the dark, and you put in the light. Then we both walk out and everyone's happy."

"Good thinking." She returned his smile with no trouble. "Go on."

"Ladies first . . ."

She laughed. "You have to take away the dark before I do anything, silly!"

"Yeah . . . that'd be good." With a subtle roll of his eyes, Night began walking down the left side of the exit. In the process, all the patches of shadow moved over the grass to darken the path behind him. It wasn't exactly an everyday sight, but it was fascinating.

As he reached the entrance to the sidewalk in the open, Sunray stretched her right hand forward, summoning light with her will. The resulting glow flooded her side of the clearing, and she was careful to control her power's amount. Making it too bright would harm Night; making it too dim would endanger herself. Fortunately, she was experienced with her abilities and was able to keep the brightness limit harmless to both of them.

Night walked back to his partner until he stood close to her side, as close as was safe. They began walking out, side by side but still not quite touching. Sunray noticed with a sting of familiar sadness that Night was running his hand along the tiny sliver of space between them. Golden ripples spread out where his fingers brushed. He was touching the barrier between them, the tiny place where light met darkness. It was the long section of air that wasn't bright, but wasn't dark. Half and half. The only atmosphere they could make contact.

In broad daylight as it was now, it wasn't possible. There were only two times of day they could really be together: when the sun was setting or rising, but wasn't in sight. The moments of neither direct light nor direct darkness.

They reached the edge of the sidewalk. Night stared doubtfully at the brightly lit walkway, then glanced at Sunray and slipped along the side against each brick wall, keeping to the shadows.

She stepped out into the sunlight, and several of the passing pedestrians jumped. In the corner of her eye, she saw the untouchable arrangement she and Night had made move silently back to what it had been originally.

Night flashed a glance at her. "Are you seeing Preciser anywhere? 'Cause . . . I'm not."

"No . . ." Sunray frowned, scanning their surroundings warily. "Weird, I thought it was past 2:00 by now."

"It is," her partner pointed out.

"So where is he?"

"Don't ask me. Just look for—"

A loud creaking sound interrupted him, followed by a deafening CRASH! Shrieks and screams echoed somewhere up ahead around a corner.

Night blinked, then grinned crookedly. "Things getting destroyed with crowds of screaming people," he finished. "That's our cue. Meet ya there." Without another word he raced forward and abruptly vanished.

Sunray broke into a run, a familiar feeling of protective energy rising inside her. With the large amount of extra energy she always received as a superheroine, she reached the noisy corner within moments and skidded to a halt to survey the scene.

The base of the metallic statue a while in front of the well-known Milan Cathedral had been sliced all the way through. The entire statue had keeled over and was sprawled on its side. Standing behind it, holding an enormous black and gray battle axe, was a giant dressed in black armor; the only piece he was missing was the helmet. His face was twisted with a kind of fury and savage ambition. Sunray and Night both knew his goal: to take their powers. That was about all; the two merely assumed he was ridiculously ambitious.

This was Preciser.

Instinctively, Sunray reached forward into the light and closed her fingers around a space that instantly solidified. A moment later she was holding her weapon: a bow and arrow made from pure materialized light.

She flipped it around, nocked an arrow, and fired it at Preciser. Her arrows moved at the speed of light, so the single shot created a sonic boom that shook their surroundings.

The force of the arrow shoved him forward a few steps. He spun around, snarled, "Sunray," and charged. He approached her with his axe over his shoulder to swing, but with a quick sprint, she was already back where he'd been in the first place. She readied another arrow, called, "Forget who you're dealing with?" and shot at him again.

Meanwhile, Night was making his way slowly up behind their adversary, gripping his weapon: an ancient Scandinavian blade called a seax. It was similar to a sword, but it was too short, and at the same time too long to be a dagger. He broke into a run as he neared the villain, then leapt up onto his shoulders.

Preciser howled in rage and whipped around, unintentionally flinging Night away just as he'd raised his weapon to strike. He landed smoothly in a crouch, then immediately jumped up and charged again.

Sunray raced forward to help, shooting her light arrows as she ran. Night was doing pretty well on his own, dashing in for strikes, then springing back quick as lightning out of reach, but she wanted to make sure.

However, she must've been more energized than she'd realized. As she approached, the lighting rapidly grew brighter. Night's next charge was cut off as he sprinted straight into his barrier that hadn't been there a second ago. Blinking in confusion, he stumbled backward, then beckoned urgently to his partner to come.

She dodged a slash of Preciser's giant axe, shot at him, and raced to Night. "What? Quickly!"

"I've got a plan. In order for it to work—" Night swung his seax at the enemy as he broke the arrow and stabbed at them. The axe flipped in the air and skittered across the road.

"You've gotta get inside a lit building and make your aura as dim as is safe," Night finished. "He can't see well in the dark."

Sunray nodded, knowing exactly what he was planning. As Preciser snatched up his axe, she zipped past him into the large Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II just beside the cathedral. Just before she entered, she flung her bow into a ray of light and watched it melt into the air before slipping inside the building and yanking the door shut. A number of civilians were hiding inside, and she saw their eyes widen as she entered.

She began running along the entrances and shutting tightly every door, but she hesitated as she approached the last one. Her heart thudding, she dimmed her light and peered out again through the crack.

Night was racing in a circle around Preciser, nimbly avoiding the giant's wide swings. His challenging expression seemed to read, "Catch me if you can!" He parried a heavy strike and twisted his blade, then caught Sunray's eye. Seeing her obvious worry, he gave her a reassuring wink, then called, "Lights out!" and snapped his fingers. Instantly, the world was swept into total darkness.

Everything fell silent. Sunray could no longer see anything. She pulled the doors closed completely and slid uneasily down the wall. Stay okay, Night. Please.

An enraged roar made the walls shake. It was followed by a loud clatter, which might have been his axe falling. "Where's the sun?! Night, I will destroy you!"

Sunray listened harder. Night's voice: "Well, how exactly are you planning on doing that if you can't even see me?" CLANG.

"Where are you?!"

"You seriously think I'm gonna answer that?" More clattering noises, followed by a heavy thump. "This is just a violent version of hide-and-seek," Night's voice went on. "You're it."

Another furious bellow shook the walls.

"Oh, you don't like that role?" WHISH. "Well, neither do I. Sorry, we're not switching."

That was when his humorous approach ended.

Preciser growled, "Yes, we are," and swung his axe. Sunray could only tell what their opponent was using because of the sound. In previous attacks, they'd realized that it could robotically shift into any type of weapon with a clicking and whirring sound. Now, she listened to the all-too-familiar noise with her eyes growing wider. She heard it strike something, a yelp from Night, and her partner's voice did not sound again.

Sunlight began streaming through the crack of the door beside Sunray. She stared in alarm at the golden rays. That can't be good . . .

She jumped up, shoved open the doors, and raced outside again, her aura brightening once more. The sight that met her eyes made them grow wider still.

The light was returning, but gradually. Preciser's axe had transformed into an enormous club. Since the only gears the weapon contained were metal, it was shiny and silver. He was holding it tightly, breathing heavily but staring in satisfaction at a tall, glass and brick business building close by. Night was slumped against the base, his dark blue eyes stunned but seemingly unhurt.

On the other hand, his loss of power had horrible timing. The sun and its warmth returned like after a solar eclipse: a relief to Sunray. Now she could fight again.

But Night was sitting in its direct rays.

He flinched as the shafts of sunlight advanced fully, and tried to struggle back into the darkness. But the only thing behind him was the business building with the sun glaring blindingly on its windows. Trembling, his face contorted with pain, he curled up on the ground where he was and didn't move.

Sunray sprinted back to him, panic nearly blinding her. Quickly she started to lift him up and guide him back to the dark, but he gasped and flinched away at her touch. For a moment she stared in worry and confusion, then realized she was glowing even brighter than the air around her. Of course her touch would hurt. She started dimming her light again, but Preciser bellowed and charged her before she finished.

She ducked as he he swung his newly formed club, then summoned her bow again and fired three arrows at once right back. Once more they couldn't impale his armor, but the force of their speed rate sent him stumbling back into a streetlight, which creaked and collapsed.

Congrats, mister. You've won the award for most giant metal objects knocked over in twenty minutes.

She lifted up Night again and guided him gently but quickly back to the shadows. As soon as he entered his homecourt again, the tension in his shoulders relaxed, and he blinked a few times, looking around in a daze. But she could tell by his straightened posture and alert eyes that he was himself again. He shook his head, retrieved his seax from the air, then raised it suddenly and yelled, "Look out!"

Sunray didn't have the instinct of a normal person to turn around and look. She instantly dove to the side and fired a quick volley of arrows at Preciser just as his weapon, transformed back to an axe, slammed into the spot she'd just been standing in.

She skidded to a stop and spun around, her bow raised and ready, waiting for a counterattack.

But Preciser's attention wasn't on her. He hadn't even pulled his axe from the ground. Instead, he was leaning forward on the black handle of his half-buried weapon, staring intently at Night with a strange glint in his eyes.

"You can't be in the light," the giant king whispered. "Why would you fight alongside your complete contrary?"

The dark superhero stared defiantly up at his enemy, gripping his seax tightly. His only reaction to Preciser's challenge was a cold narrow of his eyes, which spoke his silent answer as clearly as crystal.

The giant continued to stare at Night for a couple moments longer. Sunray was just about to attack again when Preciser began to move, backing away deliberately into the direct sunlight. The closest shadow was now at least fifteen feet away from him. The whole time, he never shifted his gaze.

Sunray began to tiptoe quietly sideways until she stood about ten feet behind her enemy, making sure she stood clear of his shadow but out of his line of vision, which was much wider and sharper than an average human's.

Satisfied that he hadn't noticed her in the seconds she carried out her simple plan, she silently nocked an arrow and pulled back the string, thankful that she had powers of light and not sound. Her bow didn't make a noise as she aimed, but she knew the arrow would, the moment she shot.

She released the string. Her aim was as flawless as Preciser ever could do. Now the giant king tensed at the explosive sound of the shot, spun around, and instantaneously shifted his axe into a large silver shield, held in the path of the flying arrow.

He knows light reflects. My arrows are light . . . !

The arrow deflected off the smooth reflective surface and, just like a flashlight beam, flashed directly back to where it came from.

However, she didn't flinch at the sudden counterattack; she was expecting it. This wasn't the first time this had happened. Instead, she raised her hand and caught the shaft when it was two inches from her face, then re-nocked it and aimed again. "Thanks," she chirped.

Preciser narrowed his eyes. "You wanna play archery, hero?" His weapon transformed into a bow and quiver. "Fine. Let's play archery."

Sunray's jaw tightened.

The only gears his weapon contain are metal. Metal reflects light. My arrows are light.

Preciser nocked a steel arrow and took aim.

Sunray's mind was moving about as fast as her powers. Being a giant, Preciser's arrows were much bigger than an average; maybe a little smaller than an Indian hunting spear. Considering the speed of light, she wouldn't have much trouble dodging them; rather, the problem was her own arrows. They couldn't penetrate his armor. If they collided with the giant's arrow, they would shoot straight back toward her, and she would have to try to catch them while simultaneously dodging a volley from Preciser.

So she would keep her aim where it was for the moment, and when Preciser fired, she would quickly change the direction and shoot at neither. Her instinct urged her to aim for a joint, but she'd have to be careful wherever she aimed; Night was standing fifteen feet behind the giant in the shadows, arms crossed, looking frustrated at not being able to help at all. If she missed and hit him by accident, she would never forgive herself.

Her mind flew back to the present as the giant let go of the wire. Sunray tilted her bow back and shot a few feet higher than her original aim had been. But she didn't get the chance to see where she hit; time seemed to slow down as Preciser's arrow drew closer. Something wasn't right about it. She could see a small object attached to the part beside the point, wrapping all the way around. As Sunray slipped quickly out of its way, it sank into the road and vanished with a flash of blue light.

What the—What kind of arrows is he using?

She and Preciser re-nocked their arrows almost directly after the strange incident, and released them at the same time as well. But this time, Preciser switched his aim right at the moment of fire, shooting further downward instead. As Sunray had earlier feared, the two arrows collided, and the next second she had two ammo weapons flying right for her.

Her arrow was moving faster, and she managed to avoid it when it landed, but immediately afterwards the giant's arrow slammed into her shoulder.

To her surprise, the tip wasn't sharp at all; instead, it merely felt like someone had pushed her. She saw the blue light again, but this time it didn't seem as bright as before.

The next few minutes felt like a daze. The edges of her vision clouded, and she was aware of two masculine voices repeatedly calling to her, one simply crying her name, the other calmly giving an order: "Come, come, and give me your light gem."

She forgot where she was. The commanding voice seemed to urge her forward, assuring her that everything was okay. All she had to do was go forward and give the voice her light gem.

But . . . wasn't her light gem's safety important? It was the thing that made her a heroine.

Suddenly it didn't seem so important anymore.

Uncertain, she slowly stepped forward, and the other voice, not the commanding one, grew louder and more desperate. Now it was calling her name, reminding her that she had one, and saying something that sounded almost like an order. No . . . more like a plea. She hesitated and tried to concentrate on what it was saying, but the first voice grew louder and pulled her attention back to it. It sounded more stern now, and for some reason she felt she had to obey it.

As she began stepping forward again, she realized she was depending more on hearing than sight. She wasn't sure what she was seeing exactly. An enormous, half-faded fuzzy shape, hand extended. Close by, a human-sized black figure. Somewhere in her swirling mind she knew they were extremely familiar; she'd probably seen them every day. She knew she liked the black one better. So why was she going to the bigger one? Noting this, she tried to listen to what the black figure was pleading, and then realized that her own will wasn't the thing guiding her forward anymore.

The voice. The commanding one. It was like it had gained a materialized form, smooth as silk, wrapping itself around her and pulling her forward. Her mind began to cloud over completely as her will was slowly broken down, and she tried to fight it. But, unable to control her own actions, her hand slipped to her pocket, where the light gem was kept. The voice's volume increased, until it was all she could hear.

"GIVE ME YOUR LIGHT GEM."

No, she wanted to say. Get out of my head! But she couldn't speak. Her voice had been taken along with her will. Light had temporarily been overcome by sound.

She was just starting to unzip the opening when suddenly the black figure was in front of her, and a hand pushed her backward to the ground. She sat there, stunned, no longer reaching for her power source out of sheer confusion.

Different sounds rang in her ears and ever so slightly began to clear her eyes. The sounds weren't voices; they were the constant clashing of metal against metal. Fencing. She struggled to see what was happening, and managed to make out the black figure crossing a dark blade with the huge, faded form. For a few moments she could do nothing but watch; in an instant the black one spun around and shouted, "Sunray!"

Sunray. Her heroine name. He'd just reminded her of who she was merely by calling her name.

Then, like a crashing wave, all her recently stolen memories came rushing back to her. The big figure was Preciser. The black figure was Night.

. . . the black figure . . . was Night?

Her closest friend in the world. Her partner in fighting for life. The one who cared for her with genuine love. The one who'd saved her life and many people's lives countless times. How could she ever have forgotten him?!

Right then was the moment she registered what his words had been earlier.

"Come back to me," he'd been saying. "Come back to me."

-

Two seconds later her mind was completely clear again.

She jumped to her feet and grabbed her bow from the light; she'd dropped it earlier a little after the spell arrow had hit her. As she summoned yet another arrow from her endless source, she nocked it in a flash and was pointing it up towards Preciser for the umpteenth time that day when suddenly she put all the pieces together of what exactly was going on.

Before her episode with the effects of the weirdo, subjugation arrow, Preciser had backed far into the direct sunlight. He'd hardly moved at all since then, not counting the fact that he was currently fighting—

—fighting with Night. Her partner had come into the light and was risking his life to save hers. All around them, the shadows were beginning to fade.

This only went to show another reason she shouldn't have forgotten him, spell or no spell. She could barely believe her eyes. The last time he'd been in the light, he'd hardly been able to stand, much less fight.

Yet now . . .

"Night!" she yelped.

He spun around in surprise, and as soon as he saw her, a delighted smile crossed his face. "Sunray?!" His voice was breathless; whatever strength he'd hastily summoned for her was quickly fading.

She opened her mouth again to tell him to get out of the light, but suddenly Preciser loomed up behind him, and she ended up shouting, "Behind you!"

Night whirled back around and raised his weapon to parry a quick-moving strike from the giant, whose impossible weapon was now an enormous sword. Her partner stayed where he was for a few moments longer, just long enough for several surprisingly powerful counter-attacks on the giant. Then he sprinted past him to the remains of his homecourt, where he immediately fell to his knees, gasping for breath. All the shadows around them began to grow dark again, and the rising temperature gradually lowered back to what it had originally been.

In the small moments of silence while Preciser was recovering from the shock of Night's attacks, Sunray ran over to the part just outside her partner's shadow and quickly started talking to him. "My turn," she began. "Shadow-transfer yourself into the Galleria and close all the doors once you're in. Turn off all the lights, and make sure everyone stays calm." She started talking faster as Preciser, almost thirty feet away, spotted her and advanced. "The only reason Preciser hit you during darksweep was because he followed your voice enough to make an accurate guess on your location, but that's not even possible with lightsweep." She stared into his eyes, and a second later he smiled, nodded briefly, and disappeared.

She turned around to face the charging giant and lifted her readied bow for the last time. She grinned as she let go of the string, the confidence she felt surprising her.

The light arrow flew into his black armor, driving him backwards again, and she lowered her bow, suddenly relaxed. "Hey, Preciser," she called. "You wanna know one of Night's favorite phrases?" As the giant stared at the young heroine in bewilderment, she quoted, "'Stay away from the light'."

She raised her hands and clapped twice. What happened next was the complete opposite of what Night had done earlier—in an instant the world was washed with white. This kind of light was so bright it could permanently blind a person who opened their eyes a slit for a split second. But all the Milanese knew to go indoors whenever their heroes were at work against Preciser.

Sunray was the only one who was able to see during lightsweep. One of her favorite parts about her special power was that it didn't just work on mortals.

Preciser, clearly seen by his female opponent only, fell to his knees with a roar that shook the ground, clutching his eyes. "Sunray!" he yelled, his voice half angry, half agonized.

"Yes?"

"Make it stop!"

She rolled her eyes and flashed him a triumphant smirk. "Uh, one? Heroes never obey the villain under normal circumstances. Two, last I checked, you're king of the underground city, not Milan, which means you don't belong here." With the last firmly spoken words she thrust her hand forward. The ground shook violently, loud the first time, hard the second time . . . and then was still. The air grew silent. When she lowered her arm again and returned the light to normal, Preciser was gone.

A few moments later, people began to emerge tentatively from the surrounding buildings, some clapping a little, some taking pictures. Sunray smiled, raising her hand to give a slight wave, then suddenly realized something: the sun was no longer shining directly on them. A large cloud had drifted in front of it, which blocked it out the same way the sunset did daily.

Night apparently realized it at the same time she did. He materialized beside her, startling a few watching tourists, and hugged her tightly, murmuring in a voice only audible to her, "You're the best."

Her heart fluttering, and a slight blush dusting her cheeks, she returned his embrace. "I couldn't have done it without you," she replied softly, grinning teasingly.

"Likewise, fine lady." At last he pulled away, still gazing at her with a wide smile.

"You don't have to call me that," she said quietly, her eyes softening. "I'm not our leader."

He started to walk away, glancing back at her to reply, "In some ways you are."

She looked at the ground, unable to hide her smile.

"See you Friday," he called over his shoulder as he started to run, then leapt up onto a building and vanished.

"See you Friday," she echoed quietly. Her smile lessened ever so slightly. "Bye, Night."

Then she turned and began to walk down the street. Some curious tourists followed her for a little bit, but then dropped behind. She walked alone for a few minutes until she reached her home road. Her house was the only one here, and her mother already knew her biggest secret. Closing her eyes as she walked, she said, "Sundown," without stopping. A moment later she was still moving, but was a mortal once again.

As she rounded her driveway she checked her watch. Today was Monday; the time was 3:24 p.m. She had exactly three days, twenty-two hours, thirty-six minutes, and twelve seconds until the next attack.

Eleven.

Ten. 

Comments & reviews · 4
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quitecontrary
Review
quitecontrary wrote a review Review · May 31, 2020

Hi there!
I think you have a really great idea for a superhero story, and I love how the villain's power is being precise. It's a really cool idea, and the action is well written. I just have two grammar comments before I talk about plot/characters.

1. "The base of the metallic statue a while in front of the well-known Milan Cathedral..." I think you're missing a word here, "a while" doesn't make sense in the sentence.

2. "Night blinked, then grinned crookedly. "Things getting destroyed with crowds of screaming people," he finished."
I'd use a different word than "finished", maybe "murmured" or "he said in a low voice".

Reading through this, I noticed a couple of superhero clichés that take away from your story: First off, the villain's defeat is predictable. Almost everything he does is predictable: smashing stuff to get the hero's attention, seeming invincible in the beginning(neither Sunray or Night land any real damage using their weapons), and finally taking advantage of one of the heroes, only to be thwarted by the other hero and then defeated. The reason these clichés don't work for me is that all the odds are in the hero's favor. The villain chooses a place with both light and shadows to lure them in and the heroes already know the villain and how he works. I would love to see more characterization on the villain's part and I also want to know how the heroes are able to predict the next attack.

Overall, you did a great job with the transitions and moving the action along, and your writing style employs a lot of great metaphors and imagery that help to support the story. Try giving your characters more than just a basic personality, and your story will be much more interesting. If the villain has a human personality, I want to sympathize with his human aspects and understand why he wants more power. Greed doesn't just exist, it needs a motivating factor.

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Thefup Review
Thefup wrote a review Review · May 26, 2020

The start was nice but it’s confusing, I know you want to make it look like it’s an average day in the charecters life but introducing the world the story is set in as you go along will be amazing.Like do all the mortals know about the superheroes? The scene where night suddenly materialises among tourists , it is not clear

Also their chemistry is well....lacking background
I know , it’s the first ch , but please it will be amazing to see it develop

But I have to say this , the way you used the time to give a sense of rush in the story was gripping
The villains line sound cliche tho, charecterize him next time!
🤔
Would love to see the heroine develop a more memorable personality which defines her as what sort of person she is , not just state the fact she has do this and then do that bc she is a heroine , she seems a likeable tough character, but kinda stoic

Also metal arrows reflecting light ..... noice logic there 😗

But remember your story is gripping enough , so please continue

Waiting for the next ch
Thefup

First off, thanks for the review! :)

I've actually already written this entire book, so all the chapters are already written out. Yes, their background will be revealed quickly, the villain's role and lines will become more intricate, and judging from the responses I've gotten elsewhere from readers of this book, you'll get to know both characters extremely well.

I'm trying to update as soon as possible; I just need points. XD

Again, thanks!

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Thefup Comment
Thefup commented Comment · May 26, 2020

Good work anyway



You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts.
— LEGO Batman