Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Chapter 1
I let out a sigh as I looked down at the girl’s corpse. Her lips had begun to turn blue; the blood was drying. She looked a mess, to put it nicely, I almost felt bad for whoever was tasked with cleaning all this up. Blood coated most of the walls on the lower floor of the woman’s two storey apartment, some resembled handprints, while other parts looked like a Jackson Pollok painting.
Aside from all the blood that coated her apartment, it was neat; her millions had apparently been spent well. Large floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked the New York skyline. The inside was impersonal, not what I would have called homey. A modern chandelier hung above me, its glass shards reflecting small specs of light onto the walls. The colour scheme appeared to be black and white, though the blood added a splash of colour.
There was a time when I would have snooped around, but these days I found that it was just easier to wait. After a few moments of glancing around, I found a spot free from blood on one of the sofas. Perfect. My black boots were silent as I stepped over the corpse and dropped down into the seat, kicking my feet up onto the glass table before me. I shuffled with a frown. What was the point in spending thousands on a couch that made it feel like you were sitting on a stone slab?
I scowled at the corpse that lay on the ground. Her blonde hair was sprawled around her head, matted with blood. Her clothes were torn, from the struggle that had led to her murder. The cream blouse was slashed, showing the bloody wounds beneath. Served her right; she couldn’t even buy a comfortable couch.
“Who are you?” A voice demanded from behind me.
I smiled. Finally. Without rising from my seat I turned my head to meet the glistening blue eyes of the woman. “That doesn’t matter right now, Sarah.”
“How do you kn-” she trailed off. Her eyes left mine and scanned the scene of the murder, the bloodied walls and then the corpse. “Oh my God. Is that… Is that me? Am I dead?”
“You are indeed. Come on now, you should remember what happened. It wasn’t like you were hit by a bus; it wasn’t over that quickly. I’m fairly sure you saw most of this happen.”
Sarah was silent, her face devoid of colour as she walked towards her body. Her mouth fell open as she spun, blue eyes fixing on me once more. “I do.” She paused, the events of the evening rushing back to her. “Oh God. It was Alan.” Her head shook frantically as tears fell down her cheeks. “I thought he loved me!”
“Oh honey, it’s hard to love someone like you.” My feet touched down on the floor again as I stood. “Come on, it’s time we left. You’re beginning to smell,” I muttered nodding down at the corpse.
“What do you mean? Where are we going? Why can’t I stay here? Can’t you just put me back?”
I felt one of my eyebrows raise. I guess it’s true what they say about blondes not being the sharpest of needles. “You want me to put you back into a dead body? Death doesn’t work like that, and I’m certainly not going to be the one that starts the zombie apocalypse. Certainly not for you.” I paused for a moment, wondering if I could, even if I had wanted to, before shrugging the idea off. “I guess I should introduce myself. I’m Ashema, but these days I go by Ash. I’d say nice to meet you, but let’s not kid ourselves.”
Her brow furrowed and her face pinched, clearly my attitude didn’t impress. “What do you want from me?”
A small chuckle escaped me. “I don’t want anything from you. It’s my job to take you down to Hell. Think of me like your designated demon taxi ride to the great beyond.”
“Take me to Hell?! No! You can’t! I haven’t done anything wrong!” Sarah yelled in protest. It did not escape my notice that she was trying to subtly back away. Not that she had anywhere to go.
“You wouldn’t be going to Hell if you hadn’t done anything wrong, would you?”
“I was murdered! Find him. Find Alan, he’s the one who needs to go to Hell, not me!”
I studied her curiously and walked over to the door of the apartment. The entire floor was open plan, with only one door in the whole place. I opened it, revealing the void that filled the open archway like a screen. The darkness swirled ominously, and a look of pure terror overcame Sarah’s face.
“Ever think about why he might have wanted to kill you?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No, we love each other. He must be some kind of psychopath. If we could go and find him, I could ask. I’m sure he loves me, he’s told me so, and I love him, we can still get through this. We can get through anything I’m sure!”
“I’m not sure you can really get through death, particularly when one of you killed the other.”
“He didn’t mean it!” she snapped. “He loves me! Why would he want to kill me?”
A small smirk made its way onto my lips. Sarah was truly psychotic, and she didn’t even realise it, maybe the woman wasn’t as boring as I had first thought. I stood silently and watched her struggle for a few moments before a slow realisation dawned on her face.
Her frown turned into a glare. “Those brats. That’s what this is about?” her voice was cold. “They weren’t his anymore, they belonged to that bitch, his ex-wife. I’d have given him new ones, better ones. He didn’t need them. They would have only gotten in the way of us! He told me I was all he wanted.”
I made a slight gesture with my hand, motioning her towards the door. “I’m sure he did, but last time I checked someone who loves you doesn’t usually murder you.” I glanced around the bloodied room again “especially so brutally.”
“You don’t understand!” she shouted.
“Maybe I don’t. Go take it up with someone who cares. I have things to do today, Sarah. Now, if you could just come with me that would ease things along. You can argue with someone down there who might actually be able to help you.”
She hesitated. “What happens if I choose to stay here?”
“You’ll be trapped in this room, as it’s your place of death, and you’ll remain here until your soul wastes away. It’s a long and painful process. Your soul will be weakened until you become nothing but a shell of yourself. Then a demon, probably not me, but someone like me, will come and collect what’s left and take you down to Hell anyway. Then you’ll likely be thrown in the pit which, trust me, you won’t like.”
Sarah turned, her eyes came to rest upon her mangled body once more. “I just don’t understand why he would do this to me,” she murmured.
“Because you killed his children! It really isn’t that complicated. Come, you can ponder over his motives when we get you settled in the afterlife.”
It was only when she turned back to me that I noticed the tear that rolled down her cheek. She was difficult to figure out; one moment she appeared to be the woman who had murdered two young children, the next she was a broken-hearted girl who had just found out that the boy she loved didn’t love her back.
I sighed, it was probably easier to try and appeal to the girl. I softened my tone as I turned to her a final time. “He broke your heart, you wouldn’t want to give him the satisfaction of waiting for him. You can do better than Alan. Just come with me; leave him behind. Last chance.”
I heard as she inhaled harshly, her gaze rested upon a photograph on the small glass coffee table, Sarah and a dark haired man stood grinning into the camera. His arms were wrapped around her shoulders and Sarah looked overjoyed. For a moment I thought she was going to decline and remain in the room, but the faint sound of footsteps on the hardwood floors signalled her approach. Only a step from the void that took up the doorway she turned and looked back at me. “What’s going to happen to me? Will it hurt?”
I fought the urge to laugh, and somehow managed to maintain a straight face. It never ceased to amaze me that people thought that Hell could be in the slightest bit pleasant. That was one thing that humans had right, Hell was a punishment, not a free holiday. “You’ll only get what you deserve,” I said in reply.
That seemed to be all that Sarah needed to hear. She lowered her head in what I took to be a nod of resignation. After a brief pause to steel herself she stepped through the void. I watched as the darkness swallowed her whole. Turning my back on the scene of Sarah’s murder I soon followed her through the portal and returned to Hell.
***
After a day of collecting the souls of sinners it was safe to say that I was exhausted. Time worked differently in Hell, one human day stretched into a thousand days in the underworld; today it felt like it would never come to an end.
I took the portal from the home of the final soul, an unfortunate girl who’d gotten herself mixed up in a rather nasty cult, to the mansion where most demons made their home. To call it a mansion would perhaps be an understatement; the house was a city in itself. Within its charred stone walls lay thousands of rooms, each surprisingly striking.
Though the souls of humans were brought down here to suffer, the lives of demons were luxurious. Every hallway was adorned with intricate tapestries, and grand golden chandeliers hung from high ceilings with hundreds of flickering candles lighting them.
I stalked through the hallways, I could already picture my destination in my mind. Bed. The thick, warm duvet, red silk sheets and plump mattress were the only thoughts that filled my mind. Honestly, demons didn’t need to sleep, we could get along just fine without it, but I craved it. Some like drugs, I like to sleep.
The compound was far from quiet, but contrary to popular human belief it was not the sound of screaming. Instead, the sounds of laughter, yelling over a lost card game, the crash of a distant fight and a constant thrumming of music from somewhere in the distance. For a place most famous for housing the dead, Hell could only be described as alive.
A brief smirk crossed my face when I reached the large oak door which marked the entrance to my room, as a scantily clad woman sprinted past me and down the hallway in the direction from which I had come.
My room was somewhat barren; devoid of much furniture. Aside from the huge four poster bed which stood directly in the centre of the large room and the distressed wooden trunk filled with clothes, the only thing which decorated my room was weapons. The walls glittered with them, the light from the torches on the walls glinting off the shining silver blades. Cutlasses, daggers, short swords, broad swords, long swords, throwing knives, spears, arrows, even small thin daggers which I could slip into my hair. Even I would admit the collection was impressive. Some found the display- which cloaked the walls almost in their entirety- intimidating, but I found them comforting.
I padded across the cold stone floor towards my bed, kicking off my boots in the process. I jumped up onto the bed without a second thought, laying down and staring up at the ceiling. Without even giving me a chance to close my eyes, sleep began to overcome me.
I descended into a dreamless, pleasant sleep, the names of those who’s souls I had collected today slipping away from me, along with their stories and faces. The sleep washing my mind clear of a thousand worries.
That was, until it was rudely interrupted by a frantic rapping on the door.
Before I had even sat up, never mind granted entry to my room, a small feeble looking boy entered the room, panting as though out of breath. I glowered.
He brushed his sweat-slicked auburn hair from his eyes before speaking. “Ash. I- I’m sorry for intruding, but you’ve been summoned.”
Now that caught my attention, I sat on the bed, turning my gaze upon the boy. “What for?”
“I don’t know,” he said, taking a gulp of air before continuing. “I just know that you need to go. Now.”
My brow furrowed, nerves beginning to twist in my stomach. I was not important in Hell, I collected souls and not much else, and I went out of my way to stay out of large amounts of trouble down here. Which begged the question, who would want me?
The confusion must have been clear on my face for the boy seemed to pale, hesitating for a few seconds before finally seeming to compose himself enough to speak once more.
“Lucifer. He’s the one who want’s you.”
My face fell slack. Even terror would not have encompassed the levels of horror which flooded me with those words. I was on my feet in seconds. If there was one thing you did not do, it was keep the King of Hell waiting. I pulled my boots on again as I walked, doing my best to tame my expression into one of calm.
Though I had no idea why he could possibly want me, I was quite frankly surprised he had any idea that I existed, the very prospect of getting to meet him was both distressing and exhilarating. Terrifying because he was the only one with the power to end my existence, and with an unusual summoning such as this, it was certainly a possibility. And yet, the mere idea of being able to meet him was thrilling. He was essentially my father after all. It was rare that he left his rooms these days; he preferred to rule in solitude.
Even now my hands were shaking. Usually, those who were summoned here never returned, but in some rare cases, the demons that went in came out different, better. All I could do was hope I was part of the latter group.
Everyone knew where Lucifer was housed within the mansion, few ever did anything more than admire the silver doors which sealed off his section of the building. The doors were the only evidence of silver in Hell, well as far as I had heard anyway, who knew what was behind them. Now, I looked up at them, taking a brief moment to admire the intricate carvings that adorned them, they detailed the fall of Lucifer. I hesitated before I placed my hands on the cold metal that gated off the lair of the devil from the rest of the underworld.
Then I pushed it open.
That was probably my first mistake.
End of chapter
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You leave my heart in shambles. The feels omgggggg. Anywayyyyyys.
The grammar was nice and rolled together smoothly. Your choice of words was amazing, I love it. You had me on the edge of my seat the whole time I was reading this. The first sentence I read had me thinking "Oh goodness, this is deep right off the bat." Like dang fam... Great job. I do agree with the prior reviewer, the word blood is a tad overused, but no big deal. If you chose different synonyms it would make it a little tighter, but it's no big deal. This idea and imagery that you used for this introduction was soooo original and Ash IS cool. I like her a lot. Her character is solidified and almost sarcastic, but you made her appear slightly more human at the end with her anxiety of seeing Lucifer. She is so quirky and almost...understandable in a way. She is caring sorta and I love that. It makes her so dynamic. I'd love to know her backstory. My thought was that she died and become a collector of souls. Was she human at one point? It made me think that because of the way she interacts with Sarah. Dialogue was on point too. Loved it!
Thank you sososososo much!! I'll change some blood around a bit, danke for pointing it out, i hadn't even noticed xD
Thank you so so much!!!
Greetings! Let's get straight into the review.
And please do let me know when the next chapter of this story is posted. 
Criticism:
"She looked a mess, to put it nicely, I almost felt bad for whoever was tasked with cleaning all this up. Blood coated most of the walls on the lower floor of the woman’s two storey apartment, some resembled handprints, while other parts looked like a Jackson Pollok painting." This all comes across as grammatically incorrect, in my opinion. Perhaps it would be better to say "She was a mess, to put it nicely. I almost felt bad for whoever was tasked with cleaning all this up. Blood coated most of the walls on the lower floor of the woman’s two storey apartment, some resembling handprints while other parts looked like a Jackson Pollok painting.' Make of that what you will.
"Aside from all the blood that coated her apartment, it was neat; her millions had apparently been spent well." The word "all" seems unnecessary extra here, as does the word "apparently"
You slightly overuse the word "blood". Maybe you could try replacing it at least once with the word "gore" or something similar to that.
"Without rising from my seat, I turned my head to meet the glistening blue eyes of the woman." Is the correct way to say that.
“Come on, it’s time we left. You’re beginning to smell,” I muttered, nodding down at the corpse.' Is the correct way to say that.
'I felt one of my eyebrows raise.' While this isn't particularly wrong, I think it might be better as well as quicker to simply say 'I raised an eyebrow.'
'I sighed, it was probably easier to try and appeal to the girl.' I think a better way of saying this would be "I sighed, figuring it was probably easier to try and appeal to the girl."
"I heard her inhale harshly. Her gaze rested upon a photograph on the small glass coffee table showing Sarah and a dark haired man grinning into the camera." Is the correct way to say this.
"As I stalked through the hallways, I could already picture my destination in my mind." Is the correct way to say that.
"Honestly, demons didn’t need to sleep, we could get along just fine without it, but I craved it." For this, "we could get along just fine without it" seems unnecessary since the reader can already make the conclusion that demons will be fine without sleep after Ash states that demons don't need sleep.
Criticism aside, I greatly enjoyed this introduction. Your description are quite well done and make it easy for the reader to imagine the scene, so you clearly know what you are doing there. Ash is a pretty interesting character and I am looking forward to watching her development as a character. Sarah's reaction to realizing Alan had murdered her was also well done and I really liked Ash's comment to her. It is interesting how quickly Sarah went from being sympathetic to bitchy for me. It makes her all the more realistic. I definitely stopped pitying her the moment she revealed herself as a child murderer. I was kinda half hoping that she would stay in the room so a demon would drag her into the pit. This was especially empathized by this quote: "She was difficult to figure out; one moment she appeared to be the woman who had murdered two young children, the next she was a broken-hearted girl who had just found out that the boy she loved didn’t love her back."
I loved the somewhat cliffhanger ending of this chapter too
Keep writing
Hey!
Thank you so much for your review, grammar isn't really my strong point so this defo helps! I'm glad you liked it though
Thanking you!
You're welcome