The Psychic Life of Rose Wheeler: Chapter Three

by CharlotteGrace

Published April 3, 2010

We went down the hall. We passed a living room, sitting room, kitchen, and a powder room. At the end of the hall, we came to a grand staircase. They were made out of the rich oak that grows around here, I remember Father saying when he was describing it for us.

We went to the top of the stairs and came across yet another sitting room. Shane led me to the left and in front of a white door. I looked at him and he opened the door for me.

The room was amazing. The walls were powder blue and had white molding. The floor was hardwood and was in perfect condition. In the middle of the room and up against wall was the most elegant bed I have ever seen in my entire life. It was made of dark wood and had a canopy made out of blue silk fabric that matched the wall's shade of blue. The actual bed spread was a deep blue, like the shade of the ocean. There were a dozen pillows neatly placed on my bed, from biggest to smallest, matching the the canopy's color. In front of a dark bureau was a couch the color of the bed spread. It was old-fashioned, maybe the mid- or late 1800's. It was matching with a sitting chair and a wood table made from the same wood the bed was made from. There was a door that led to what I thought to be the bathroom.

"Omigod, it's beautiful. If my room looks like this, then what does yours look like?" I turned to look at him. I assumed that his room was way grander than mine, considering he was Father's favourite child and all.

Shane turned and left the room. I was quick to follow. He went past the stairs and stopped in front of yet another white door. He opened the door and went to the middle of the room. He looked up and spun around once with his arms spread open as wide as they would go.

"This, my dear sister, is my room." He landed on the mahogany bed with a thump. Shane's room layout was exactly like mine. His bed was just four posts and had a more modern bed spread than mine. The colors were light brown and blue. His walls were a deeper shade of blue than mine.

"Wow. This is amazing. I wonder why Father gave me a room that is almost as spectacular as yours?" I asked. The question wondered through my head, begging for an answer. Just as I had thought about that for a moment. I began shivering uncontrollably.

Shane rushed over and led me to my own bathroom. "You need to take a nice warm bath and after what you've done today I would say it's absolutely necessary." He left e in my room. He went into my bathroom and ran what I assumed to be the hot water, at least I hope it's the hot water.

He came out of the bathroom and headed toward the door that led out to the hall. HE turned back to face me. "When you're done, I'll be downstairs." He closed the door partially, but opened it enough so that he could fit his head back in. "Oh, and be prepared to feel the wrath of Dad." he smiled then closed the door completely.

I took off my wet clothes and hopped into the nice warm water. It was the first time I looked at the detailing in the bathroom. It had gold walls and a porcelain sink, tub and toilet. The bath tub was on a little platform overlooking the front yard. As I looked out the window I noticed that there was a boy, about my age out in front of the house across the street. I didn't notice the house at first, but it was there, white and plain. The boy looked like he was arguing with someone, but no one, man or ghost, was there. Mental Note: Meet the people across the street as soon as possible.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
wonderland
Review
wonderland wrote a review Review · Sep 26, 2010

Hey!
YOu really are a fantastic writer.
The only one nitpick I have is this paragraph

"This, my dear sister, is my room." He landed on the mahogany bed with a thump. Shane's room layout was exactly like mine. His bed was just four posts and had a more modern bed spread than mine. The colors were light brown and blue. His walls were a deeper shade of blue than mine.


it's too descriptive.
Id suggest something like this

"This, my dear sister, is my room." He landed on the mahogany bed with a thump. Shane's room layout was exactly like mine. His bed was just four posts, but had a more modern bed spread than mine. The colors of the walls were light brown and blue, the blue being deeper shade than mine.

Or something like that
Write On
~WickedWonder

GryphonFledgling wrote a review Review · Sep 26, 2010

a grand staircase. They were made out of the rich oak

I'm assuming by "they", you mean the stairs. But you've only talked about a singular staircase as of yet. Perhaps have "The stairs were made..." so the verb tense matches up.

Okay, you keep telling us that Rose's father is evil, mean, etc., but we have yet to see any evidence of it. He's been a little jerky, but hardly evil. Granted, from Shane's ominous warning at the end, I'm sort of assuming we'll see some evil-reputation-making behavior from him in the next chapter. Up until now, the only reason we have to suspect her father of not-goodness is Rose's word. And with no evidence to back that word up, it seems like she's just overreacting to his insensitivity. Now, you don't have to make every character's opinion match up with reality (in fact, it would be interesting to have Rose keep calling her father "evil" but have him not be -- then you would have to explore why she thinks of him that way), but if he really is evil, actually showing him doing some evil deeds is a much better way of convincing us than just having Rose talk about it.

Again, this chapter seems to be an entirely different narrator, more of first-chapter!Rose than last-chapter!Rose. The flip-flopping is making it difficult to get a handle on her character. How are we supposed to feel about Rose if we can't be sure how she feels about things?

Whoo, crazy fast pace here, love. Slow down a bit, give us some character moments to work with. We understand that Shane is a nice brother. Why does he care about his sister so much? Why stand up for her? Why did their dad bring them all the way out here? Where's their mom?

I'm intrigued by the boy across the street. Onto the next chapter!

~GryphonFledgling

User avatar
ImABookPerson
Review
ImABookPerson wrote a review Review · Sep 26, 2010

Hey there! okay first, i can see what your doing here, i mean you have the plot and everything. But i feel that your rushing into it, it's too fast. But i love how you thought of the psychic thing! :D anyway, i really like this story, but maybe you could not rush into things then it would be better! :D

Hope to read some more of your stories! :)
~Book Person~

User avatar
LookUpThere
Review
LookUpThere wrote a review Review · Apr 3, 2010

Okay, your story is moving along pretty quickly and take pride in the fact you're not stalling. Well done on this chapter, except for a shaky beginning (More on that in Chapter Four review) you did well. Though I'm not sure about the whole MENTAL NOTE thing. I'm sorry, you haven't shown us enough about Rose for me to accept someone would do that. If you saw someone arguing with someone across the street and no one was there, wouldn't you get creeped out? If not, give *us* and *me* a reason to. I've seen people do that before and most time,there *is* someone else in the room. Perhaps show us more of this argument? Is it angry or just disagreeing?
You could show tons of this new character already here. Show us whether we should beware him. Maybe he could be nervously pacing around the room, pausing, shouting and then looking out the window to check if anyone was there? Maybe he could be gesturing out the window in a, "Let's go outside!" or "Let me meet other people!" gesture.

Whatever the case, well done.

Fly On,
Write On,
TheNewHero.



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