Haven (Proluge)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Love is suppose to be the best thing in the world, right? That's what Casey, my older sister, said when she met Peter, her husband. If it's suppose to be the best thing in the world, then how come it causes crazy things? Love caused my sister to leave at home with two smaller sisters. Love caused Juliet to kill herself. And love made my dad go crazy.

I don't think I ever want to be in love. I don't want to go crazy. Besides if you get to someone, its inevitable that they will break your heart. I've learned that. Even though I'm only eighteen. My training was started at a young age, learning by mistakes. I hated Scott Powers, a dorky sixth grader who happened to like me. He came up to me in homeroom and asked if I wanted to get some ice cream after school. I told him sure, why not? I mean, its not a date right? Wrong. The next day he wrote me a poem, and gave me flowers from his mom's garden. He said, "Haven, I love you." He said it all in front of the sixth grade class. I told him I hated him, and ran from the room. I never saw him again. His parents transferred him out to an all boys school in New York.

Then a few years later, my father helped me out some. My father, the striking John Foreman, left my family when I was in my freshman year of high school. He and my mother had had a fight the night before. My mother accused him of cheating, which he was. He went out the front door and never came back. Ever. He made a name for himself, the Serial Lover. That's what the police would call him. My father fell in love with every girl who looked like my mother, long blond hair, pool blue eyes. He would go out with them, and then when he was done with them, he would kill them. He made eight girls die. That's how in love he was with my mother. He wanted my mother to know that he still loved her. He killed for her. That is the perfect example of how love makes people go nuts.

Hey! There isn't really much for me to add as other members have already done some nitpicks (in other words, this will be a really short review). I really liked this piece, it was intriguing and realistic, as if it were really being told by an eighteen year old girl. Your writing style was honest and blunt which I liked; you didn't really hold anything back when describing the girl's father, "The Serial Lover". An interesting idea, I think I may read and review the next part of this story.
Anyway, Well done

Hello, Charlotte! Jash here, and I'll be reviewing you today.
Comments and nit-picks in pinkish font

CharlotteGrace wrote:
Love is suppose to be the best thing in the world, right? That's what Casey, my older sister, said when she met Peter, her husband. If it's suppose[color=#FF0080]d to be the best thing in the world, then how come it causes crazy things? Love caused my sister to leave atdelete "at" home with two smaller sisters. Love caused Juliet to kill herself. And love made my dad go crazy.

I don't think I ever want to be in love. I don't want to go crazy. Besides if you get to someone, its inevitable that they will break your heart. I've learned that. Even though I'm only eighteen. My training was started at a young age, learning by mistakes. I hated Scott Powers, a dorky sixth grader who happened to like me. He came up to me in homeroom and asked if I wanted to get some ice cream after school. I told him sure, why not? I mean, its not a date right? Wrong. The next day he wrote me a poem, and gave me flowers from his mom's garden. He said, "Haven, I love you." He said it all in front of the sixth grade class. I told him I hated him, and ran from the room. I never saw him again. His parents transferred him out to an all boys school in New York.

Then a few years later, my father helped me out some. My father, the striking John Foreman, left my family when I was in my freshman year of high school. He and my mother had had a fight the night before. My mother accused him of cheating, which he wasdoing?. He went out the front door and never came back. Ever. He made a name for himself, the Serial Lover. That's what the police would call him. My father fell in love with every girl who looked like my mother,I think this should be a semicolon long blond hair, pool blue eyes. He would go out with them, and then when he was done with them, he would kill them.The previous sentence--gah--may I rewrite that?: "He would go out with each of them, and when he was done, he would kill them--one by one." I don't know, just rewrite it. He made eight girls dieThat's seems a bit weird, why not "He already murdered eight". That's how in love he was with my mother. He wanted my mother to know that he still loved her. He killed for her. That is the perfect example of how love makes people go nuts.

Mmmmm..... reviews =w=

Just reading this prologue I think I like it already
I can somehow relate to this story since it's basically everything I think xD
But yeah, I'm not going to nit-pick cause I can't do that. I ARE NOOB AT GRAMMAR!
I haven't read the rest of the chapters yet
but I will in due time. In due time...
Anyway, yes, this is an interesting plot and it will probably catch everybody's attention, well... the people who actually like romance stories of course. Good job, you hook me on.

And now I am going to read the other chapters and review them :L

Au Revoir! ~Zoe

This is a very good story. I like it very much. I like the way you present each element in your story. I like how you talk about he power of love. I understand how to relate to his story. This is a powerful story, and I enjoy it very much. I hope you write more stories like this one, because I enjoyed this very much. Good work, and keep up the good work. This story was powerful and very enjoyable. I respect this story. I don't see how there could be anyone who could not relate to the love in this story. I also couldn't see hw any one could dislike this story. This story was amazing.