Feel Better Soon!

by CharlotteGrace

Published March 10, 2010

Feel Better Soon!
I feel your pain,
And I know your name.
Your voice calls to me,
like a bird and a tree.
Please feel better soon,
like before the next moon.

Comments & reviews · 4
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KatTrain
Review
KatTrain wrote a review Review · Mar 12, 2010

It's simple and declarative, but in a unpleasing way
describe the bird and tree more!
why does that person's name mean so much?
answer that question in the poem, it would make it more interesting to have details.
'like before the next moon'
the 'like' makes the poem seem a little bit juvenile

I would say that simple poems are great, but only if the words are striking enough on their own, without detail.
Your words are not 'striking' enough.

Keep the simple style though, i enjoy that a lot!
good luck

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CharlotteGrace
Comment
CharlotteGrace commented Comment · Mar 10, 2010

Thanks!

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hidden Comment
hidden commented Comment · Mar 10, 2010

i like the poem. Its quick and easily can be read and understood. Good job! keep it up!!



Forever is composed of nows.
— Emily Dickenson